Pester's Portal
by Epic Laughter
Summary: Professor Pester makes a portal to another universe and jumps through it to work on his next devious plot. Dastardos decides to go in after him, dragging a few choice Villagers along. What lies through the portal is odder than any of them could imagine...
1. Pester's Departure

"And so, Dastardos, using _this one tiny machine_, I will rrrrip open the tiny shred of fabric that keeps our worlds apart!" Professor Pester gestured with a flourish at the odd-shaped gun in his hand. He looked from it to Dastardos hopefully.

"… You're an idiot," Dastardos said with a tiny sigh. He thought he'd be used to the professor's stupid schemes by now, but somehow his boss always kept creating more and more insane schemes.

"No I am not an idiot!" The Professor placed his free hand on his hip and frowned severely. "I sent a Ruffian there just this morning!"  
>"How do you know you didn't just kill it?" Dastardos said and a dry chuckle slipped from his mouth.<p>

"Because _I know these things_!" Professor Pester said, and his eyes narrowed further. "While you run around, being dead and smashing small animals to their fate, I am busy researching ways to-"

Dastardos chuckled again, one corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk. "Oh, you're calling it 'research' now? I thought you spent all your time watching-"

"_That's it!_ I can no longer take your uneducated mocking," Professor Pester said. He forcefully shoved the long gun into his cohort's hands. "I want you to pull the trigger when I'm ready. It's time I go to a place where my talents are _appreciated_."

"Yeah, yeah, does this mean I get time off?" Dastardos rolled his eyes and looked at the object in his hand. It was rather long and oblong for a gun (even though the only guns he had ever seen were in movies). There was a side portion that slid alongside it and pulsed with a green glow. Pester said that this powered the gun, but Pester didn't know anything.

"I shouldn't take long, so _no_," said the Professor. He walked so that his back was to a wall. "No slacking, Dastardos."

"Ugh, _fine_," Dastardos said as he picked up the gun and looked down the barrel at his boss. He hoped that Pester didn't have a way back. "How exactly do I work this thing, anyway?"

"You aim it at me, and then pull the trigger! It may take a few moments to warm up, and there might be a kick but… nothing that my invulnerable minion can't handle," said Pester with a smug smile.

"Okay, fine," Dastardos said as he raised the gun. "Ready?"

"Ready!" sung out the Professor as he struck a pose.

Dastardos breathed in and pulled the trigger. The side of the gun glowed faster and faster with a worrisome noise.

"Hold it steady, Dastardos!" yelled the Professor over the gun. The gun shook for a moment before firing a quick, green stream of light. The Professor vanished.

Dastardos waited for a few moments. He really didn't believe that his boss had successfully done what he sought out to do.

But the lair stayed silent.

Blissful silence.

"Heh," Dastardos said as he tossed the gun onto Pester's work chair. "Can't believe you did it, you fat bastard."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos really, really enjoyed life much more than he usually did for the next few days. He only reaped in newbie gardens that he knew wouldn't have a Dastardos Shovel, he made a few young gardeners cry, and he could nap with Magnar as much as he wanted without the incessant noise of his Alert System constantly waking him! Dastardos didn't need to sleep to stay alive, but sleeping was an excellent way for him to pass the time and shut out the outside world. Professor Pester not being around to disturb him felt like a luxury!

After a week had passed, though, an unpleasant knot had started to settle in what remained of his stomach.

It wasn't that he missed Professor Pester, dear God no, he was more than happy to not have to listen to that booming, overly-theatrical voice on a daily basis. Dastardos was concerned about what the hell Pester was _doing._

"It's not like Pester to keep me out of the loop like this…" Dastardos mumbled to Magnar as he lay on his tattered couch, Magnar dozed on the couch arm close to Dastardos' head. "What do you think he's up to?"

"Something stupid?" Magnar offered in his tiny voice. Magnar had picked up English from the many, many years he spent with Dastardos. He never got much of a chance to speak, though; he barely got a word in edgewise during Dastardos' long-winded rants about whatever got on his nerves that day.

"Well, that goes without saying!" Dastardos couldn't help chuckling. He had taught Magnar very well! "He's just been gone for so long; who knows what the hell he could be subjecting that universe to!" Dastardos rose to a sitting position and rested an elbow on a bent knee as he thought. "He could be taking it over as practice for taking over this one…or he could be searching for a _bride_ again…" Dastardos had to pause to hold back a gag. "Or he could be working on some kind of weird-ass device and didn't want to risk destroying his lair with it?" Dastardos sighed. "Why didn't he _tell _me?"

Magnar suddenly nudged Dastardos' shoulder. Dastardos turned to see his Macaraccoon had an alarmingly shocked expression on his tiny face.

"…you okay?" Dastardos asked.

"Stardos, what if Pester is plotting against _you?"_ Magnar squeaked, his eyes widened even more.

"What," Dastardos' face fell.

"Think about it!" Magnar shook a bit at the thought. "He didn't tell you what he was going to do, he went to _another universe_ to do it, _and _he's been gone for a week! He's probably having trouble coming up with a way to get back at you…or worse, _kill _you!" Magnar yelped and leapt onto Dastardos. He buried his face in his sweater and sniffled: "I don't_ want_ you to die!"

"I hate to break it to you Magnar, but I'm already dead, there's no way I'll die _again!"_ Dastardos petted Magnar as he tried to reassure the Macaraccoon as much as himself. Dastardos had convinced himself that he was immortal; he wasn't about to let a bastard like Professor Pester cut his life short! Sure, Dastardos was miserable, but the idea of dying when he was only twenty-six really, really didn't appeal to him. Who would take care of Magnar if he died? "What makes you think Pester would want to _kill_ me?"

"Dastardos, you aren't exactly a model minion…" Magnar had picked up quite a bit of Dastardos' snarky attitude. "You constantly make fun of Pester and his failures. You pop his bloated ego!"

"…I don't think he'll kill me," Dastardos floated up from the couch and gently detached Magnar from his shirt. "…but I can't take any risks. I'm going after him." Dastardos placed Magnar down on the couch.

"Alone?" Magnar asked as he tilted his head to the side. "That'd be kind of a bad idea, Stardos…it's a totally different _world!_ What if you get in trouble and have no one to back you up?"

Dastardos snorted. "Who the hell would back _me_ up?" He pointed a bony finger at his heart.

"Your brother would!" Magnar chirped. "And what about those other guys you were hanging out with a few months ago?"

"The Man's Army guys?" Dastardos stroked his chin. "…eh, it's worth a shot. It might be funny to see them freaking out if this 'other universe' is terrifying. I'll leave them all notes to meet on the outskirts of that forest near Pester's lair or something." Dastardos quickly looked around his lair for anything resembling writing utensils, but his search proved fruitless. "I'm…going to have to raid Pester's paper stash. Here's hoping they can all read my terrible handwriting…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The next morning, Sparcticus, Yoto, Eddie, Doc Patch, and Seedos all found nearly identical notes on their kitchen tables, each scrawled in red pen and bearing the same message:

_To Whoever is Reading This,_

_I'm not usualy one to ask for help, but desperete times call for desperete measures._

_Professor Pester is planning something and I don't know what it is. I need help finding out._

_Meet me by the forerst near Pester's lair at 9 PM tonite._

_Sincerly,_

_If you don't know who wrote this you are stupid_

Dastardos didn't have much practice writing in the last ten years, not to mention his bad eye made reading over his work extremely difficult. His left eye was pretty much useless after the damage it sustained when he was corrupted. Dastardos had this bad eye for ten years, and he wasn't sure if he would ever get used to it. Whenever he wanted to read something he had to hold it so close to his face that he looked ready to eat it. Dastardos was sure that if he wasn't invulnerable, his back would have ached from leaning so close to the papers as he wrote on them.

Seedos, after snickering over his brother's spelling errors, figured it wouldn't hurt to help and wrote a quick note on his arm so he wouldn't forget the time.

Yoto never even bothered to share the note with his uncle, but he decided to show up for laughs. Plus, if he managed to beat Professor Pester, Storkos would fall for him for_ sure!_

Patch mulled over the note all day, but he figured he might as well go in case anyone got hurt. Patch did feel a bit nervous, though…what could Professor Pester have planned that would make Dastardos want to ask _Patch_ for help?

Eddie didn't plan on going, but his curiosity got the better of him. He wondered what on Earth Pester had planned and what he could do to prevent it. Not to mention he already had experience in thwarting Pester's schemes; he could prove to be a valuable asset. He found himself heading towards the forest that evening. What was the worst that could happen?

Sparcticus tossed his note right into the trash. He figured that this would be much more trouble than it was worth. Nothing that involved Professor Pester would be the slightest bit enjoyable.

As Dastardos headed out of his tree, he heard Magnar skitter up behind him and exclaim: "I wanna go with you!"

Dastardos sighed. "…I'm going to _have_ to take you along, aren't I?" He crouched close to the ground and Magnar leapt into his outstretched arms. "We shouldn't be gone for too long, but who knows what could happen…"

"You'll be fine, Stardos!" Magnar wriggled into Dastardos' tattered sweater. "I'll hide in here and no one will notice!" said his sweater-muffled voice.

"I'm going to hide you in Pester's control room when we get close to his lair," Dastardos planted his hands on his hips sternly despite the fact that Magnar couldn't see him. "I don't want the people I'm meeting up with to see you. I know for a _fact_ the stupid ginger will recognize you. I'll find you once they're all in the other universe."

"Gotcha!" Magnar chirped. "Come on, Stardos, let's go already!" Dastardos felt Magnar bounce around with anticipation.

"Why are you so excited…?" Dastardos murmured as he headed out into the night.

"I _really_ want to see you kick Pester's butt," Magnar admitted.

Dastardos silently agreed with Magnar. Throwing a punch or ten at Pester _would_ be fun…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie, ever-punctual, was the first one to arrive at the meeting place. Seedos, Doc Patch, and Yoto arrived a few minutes later. It was now ten minutes after nine and Dastardos was late. He had to run and hide Magnar in Pester's lair, but of course none of them knew that.

"Well, at least we know it's not a trap," Eddie exhaled. "I'd figure that a villain who wanted to spring a trap on us would at least be on time."

"H-he could b-b-be trying to trick us into letting our guard d-d-down!" Patch would have chewed on his nails if not for his gloves. "You know how he is! He's a b-b-bad person!"

Seedos scowled a bit and opened his mouth to make a biting comment, but then he realized that it wouldn't be a very good idea.

"I dunno, Patch," Yoto slumped against a nearby tree in boredom.

"We don't know what Professor Pester is capable of," Seedos shook his head. "Dastardos could _really_ need our help!" Seedos was confident that Dastardos wouldn't lead him into a trap since they were brothers…or would he? Seedos really hoped he didn't do anything to annoy Dastardos lately…

Patch didn't look convinced at all, but before he could retort, Dastardos floated through a tree. The entire group jumped when they felt his presence and promptly turned to face him.

"No Bart or Sparcticus?" Dastardos asked and then shook his head. "Eh, no matter, I'm surprised any of you showed up at all. Come with me." He motioned for them to follow and started to head towards Pester's lair.

"Where are we g-g-going?" Patch shivered. The air was incredibly chilly, but he was also more than a bit afraid. _Why_ did he think this was a good idea?

"You'll all see," Dastardos did his best to sound mysterious as he floated up the ramp of Pester's volcanic lair. The small group of men followed reluctantly behind him.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos led the group into Professor Pester's control room; the gun that led to the other universe still lied on the chair where he had left it.

"I don't think any of you will believe me…" Dastardos' good eye scanned the group. "…but I'm going to explain to you what's going on.

Patch shook even harder now and his teeth loudly clicked together. Eddie held onto Patch's arm in a vain attempt to steady him, but he kept his gaze locked on Dastardos for any sign of threat. Seedos had his hands clasped behind his back as he looked around the room. A look of immense disgust overtook his mask when his eyes hit a posing silver statue of Professor Pester that had a rather sizable bulge in the front of its pants. Yoto just grinned with anticipation.

"See this?" Dastardos picked the gun up off the chair and twirled it in his hand. "According to Pester, this can send you to another dimension. He disappeared into it a week ago and he hasn't come back since. I'm worried that he's planning something that will destroy the whole town, and obviously, all of you."

"But Dastardos," Yoto squinted at him. "We're not you! Why do you care about what happens to us?"

"No one in the Village means no life sweets, and no life sweets means-" Dastardos stopped mid-sentence before he accidentally revealed Magnar's existence. He was lying through his teeth, anyway, he was actually more concerned about what Pester had in store for _him._ "…that's not important. What _is _important is we need to go in after him."

"This is a trap, isn't it?" Doc Patch's stutter disappeared as he felt a sudden burst of bravery. He pointed an accusing finger at Dastardos and said: "You lured all of us here to kill us…because…because…um…" Patch scratched his head as he tried to think of a motive. "Well, I know that you hate me…but…"

Dastardos sighed and rolled his eyes. He should have expected this…

"Look, Patchingo, I don't want to kill _any_ of you. I'm doing all of this so you _won't_ die," Dastardos pointed at Patch with the gun and Patch stiffened.

"W-well, I still d-d-don't trust you!" Patch folded his arms and pointedly looked away.

Dastardos glared silently at Patch for a few moments before he pulled the trigger on the gun. The green stream of light burst from the gun and hit Patch straight in the chest before he even noticed that Dastardos had fired. In a split second, he was gone.

Eddie, Seedos, and Yoto's jaws dropped. They looked back and forth from where Patch had been mere moments earlier to the smoking gun in Dastardos' hand several times.

"Relax, you cowards, he's fine," Dastardos blew on the barrel of the gun and smirked. "Who wants to go next?"

The other three guys cringed and gave each other terrified, uncertain looks.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Doctor Patchingo did _not_ feel well.

He wasn't sure where he was. All he knew was that he was lying on a cold, hard floor and he felt like he had just gotten off of a roller coaster…after riding it for six straight hours.

He knew all kinds of cures for nausea, but none of them would be of use to him now. He had no peppermint gum, no ginger ale, certainly no peppermint tea…the best he could do was lay there and make sure not to move his head until he felt a bit better.

After a few moments, he felt the tiniest bit better and he figured that he had better check where he was. He swallowed in a vain attempt to combat the nausea and slowly rose to a sitting position. His dizziness barely got any better, but at least he could look around the room now.

Doc Patch blinked his blue eyes as his vision sharpened…that was when he noticed that he wasn't alone in the room.

As he looked at the figure in front of him, he gasped louder than he ever had in his life.


	2. The Alternate Universe

_HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. HAIR._

That was the only word that ran through Patch's mind as he took in the figure before him. He had every reason to notice their hair, as about ten pounds of it streamed behind them like a long, silver cape.

"Who the hell _are_ you?" the figure exclaimed as they rapidly closed the distance between themselves and Doc Patch. Their voice was distinctly female and rough with anger and confusion.

Now that she was closer, Doc Patch was able to get a better look at her and see that she wasn't just a sentient pile of hair. Her glaring eyes were striking; they glowed in the low light of wherever they were. She wore a harsh-looking red mask that ended right above her thin-lipped mouth and sharp chin. A long, hissing blue scarf draped over her thin shoulders and reared up at the ends. Her figure was practically skeletal and her skin was so pale that she was nearly transparent. There was a tragically beautiful aura about her, but she still looked really frail. Doc Patch felt a pang in his heart, what could have gotten a pretty girl like her to look so emaciated?

Doc Patch was so busy taking in her features that he didn't notice that she hovered a good few inches off of the ground.

"You…y-you look familiar…" was all Doc Patch could think to say. She did, he just couldn't place how, especially since he was so disoriented from crossing universes.

She gave him a suspicious squint. "Do you know where you _are,_ little boy? I came here to _be alone;_ I didn't expect to find some moron dicking around in here!"

Doc Patchingo frowned and clumsily rose to his feet. "I d-d-don't know where I am, m-miss! C-can you p-please tell me?" He gave her his best pleading look.

"Wow, you really _are_ a moron!" She flew over to a wall and flicked on an enormous light switch. Light flooded the room and momentarily blinded poor Patch.

"You mean to tell me you haven't heard of Mistress Mayhem?" the skeleton girl said as Patch's eyes struggled to combat the sudden onslaught of light. "That's surprising; I'd figure she'd be _all over_ a guy like you…"

Patch looked around the room once he recovered and his jaw promptly hit the floor.

The wall was lined with tacked up news articles with headlines like _MISTRESS MAYHEM BARELY DEFEATED!_ and _CROSSDRESSING WOMAN SAVES LOCAL MEN FROM VILE VILLAINESS!_

Various articles of clothing, among other things, were framed on the wall as well. Each one had a plaque at the bottom. One apparently contained _GAVIN'S UNDERPANTS_ and another was labeled _DEDOS' GLOVE._ Each corner of the room was decorated with a large statue of an overweight, intimidating woman posing seductively. Patch was utterly repulsed by the statues; those poses did nothing to make the woman portrayed in them the slightest bit more attractive.

A huge amount of monitors covered one wall. Doc Patch was too far away to see what was on them, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to know.

"I d-d-don't want to hear m-more about this woman…" Doc Patch shuddered audibly; he hoped he would never have to meet her. The skeleton girl's comment about her being "all over a guy like him" put all kinds of disturbing images into Patch's mind. "But…" Doc Patch approached the girl and took her hands in his. "I would like to hear more about _you."_

"What," she said and glared straight into Patch's eyes. He was unfazed.

"What's your name, for s-starters?" Doc Patch smiled at her. She was obviously confused and possibly afraid of him; he wanted to show her he was no threat!

"…Vilos," She yanked her hands out of his grasp. "Now will you _please_ get out of here? I don't care who you are or where you came from; I just want you to _get lost."_

Doc Patch completely ignored her dismissal and promptly began to pelt her with a barrage of questions. He had far, far too many, so they all came out at once and Patch found himself talking faster than he ever had in his life.

"How old are you what do you do how long did it take for you to grow your hair so long what is the name of this town where am I anyway I probably should have asked that earlier is it scary out there why are you so thin are you ill I'm a doctor you know I could be of great help to you I'd be happy to help you actually you seem like a great girl even though you really do remind me of someone and it's starting to bug me would you happen to have any siblings that may have fallen into a parallel universe because that would explain a lot why are you looking at me like that-"

Doc Patch was silenced when Vilos drew a long stick out of her hair and smacked the good doctor right in the head with it. A loud _CRACK!_ echoed throughout the lair when the stick connected with Patch's monkey helmet. Patch's eyes rolled back and he crumpled to the ground, knocked out cold.

Vilos let out a long sigh. "Good, that shut you up," She grabbed Patch by the feet and dragged him towards the exit. "Urgh, you really rub me the wrong way…" she grumbled even though she knew he couldn't hear her. Her brow furrowed in disgust. "You remind me of someone else I know…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Th-thank you so, so, _so_ much, Luthor!" a blonde woman wearing doctor's clothes and a bright pink monkey helmet gushed as she left the local general store. Her arms were positively loaded with bags stuffed with both groceries and several types of medicine.

"No, no, thank _you!"_ A voice that sounded like it belonged to someone who smoked six packs of cigarettes a day called from inside the store. "Come back soon, darling!"

"I sure will!" She beamed as she headed down the road back to her workplace. She stopped dead in her tracks when a bright green light blinded her. She gasped and staggered backwards, her eyes wide with shock behind her blonde bangs.

Yoto had just been zapped into this universe. The gun was ever-so-slightly glitched, so he wound up teleporting in a few feet above the Village road. He landed on his back and loudly bumped his head against the pavement.

"Ugh…" he squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. This wasn't a very good start to his heroic mission…

He heard a lady scream, the sound of several things falling everywhere, and then rapid footsteps as someone ran over to him.

"O-oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Are you okay?"

The someone leaned over Yoto. His vision wasn't the best because of his head injury, but he could make out the vague shape of a monkey's head.

"Doc…Patchingo?" Yoto managed to say as he squinted at the figure above him.

"W-well, er…" The figure fiddled with the hem of her jacket. "That's my last n-name. You d-don't have to be so formal! Please call me D-Doctor Patrice…"

Yoto sat up suddenly and scuttled backwards, his eyes so wide that Doctor Patrice was afraid that they would pop out of his head and roll down the road. "Why are you a _girl?_ Did that portal change us into _girls!_ Holy shit, I sure hope not!" Yoto patted himself on the crotch a few times and then relaxed. "…oh, okay. Still a man. But that doesn't explain-"

"Oh no, you're delirious!" Patrice exclaimed as she practically lunged towards Yoto and swept him up in her arms.

"…whoa," Yoto said.

"P-please come with me, sweetie, I'll have you fixed up in no time!" Patrice took off toward her clinic and left her dropped groceries strewn all over the Village path.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie was probably the most fortunate of the fellows who were zapped into the alternate universe; he actually managed to land on his feet. He was quite disoriented, however, and knocked over a large shelf of masks mere seconds after he crossed.

He had teleported into a store…a very, very familiar looking store. There were several shelves; each proudly displayed ridiculous looking hats, wigs, necklaces, backpacks, and everything in between.

His impact into the shelf woke up the shopkeeper, who Eddie had his back to as he looked around the shop. The shopkeeper wore an outfit that was completely Tigermisu inspired, complete with clawed gloves and a huge spiked collar.

"Hey!" the shopkeeper exclaimed, his voice dragged with sleepiness. "If you broke any of those masks, you buy-ohhh…" His voice took on a completely different tone. "Is that you, Edith?" he purred. "I'll forgive you for the masks, on one condition-"

Eddie turned to face the shopkeeper and he jumped a mile.

"EUGH, you're not Edith! You're not even a _girl!" _He looked like he wanted to hide under the counter and not come out for a few days.

"Who are you, and who is this Edith?" Eddie figured he had better start with small questions. He bent over and casually began to pick up a few of the masks.

"Hmph, where have _you _been, living under a rock or somethin'?" the shopkeeper snorted. "I'm Percy. I can't _believe _you never heard of Edith! _Everyone_ knows Edith!"

"Not me," Eddie said casually as he straightened the shelf and hung a few masks back up.

"What are you, _gay?"_ Percy snorted again and Eddie gave him a narrow-eyed stare. "Edith is only the _hottest_ chick in town! She and her mom run the P-Factor, and they're _super_ rich! Honestly, I'd tap _either _of them…or both at once…" Percy practically salivated.

Percy's explanation made something click in Eddie's mind. Eddie dropped the mask he held and it splintered into several pieces.

"HEY, you're gonna have to pay for that!" Percy slammed his clawed hands on the counter and almost stood up.

Eddie said nothing in response; he rushed out the door as fast as he could. _!_

"HEY! HEY!" Percy called after him. "Ugh…whatever…" He flopped back onto the counter and into another catnap.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The shock of interuniverse travel had practically broken poor Seedos. He was out cold in the middle of someone's garden.

The someone that the garden belonged to was a young, disorganized man named Leroy. He and his two most frequent garden visitors formed a semicircle around where Seedos lay on the grass.

"He looks familiar…" a young man with a bright green mask said. He put the tip of his gloved index finger into his mouth and chewed on it uncertainly.

"No he doesn't, Dedos!" an even younger-looking girl with striking bright blue hair and little round glasses squeaked. "He looks like a _psychopath,_ that's what he looks like!" She backed up a couple steps, her hands tightly gripped onto the straps of her oversized tote bag. "I mean, _look_ at that mask!" She shuddered audibly.

She relaxed when Leroy placed a hand on her shoulder. "Calm down, Floros," he said, despite the fact that he didn't look too calm himself. "Whether he's a crazy person or not, we should really call Doctor Patrice…" He didn't wait to hear Dedos or Floros' opinions on the matter and reached into his pocket for his Alert System.

Little did any of them know, they were being watched…

A squat little Ruffian with three bow-wrapped ponytails peeked out of the bushes at the group. Her acid green eyes widened with interest when she saw Seedos. She toddled off into the forest as fast as she could; she knew her boss would be interested in hearing about a new mask in town…especially if it belonged to a young man!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos, as invulnerable as ever, was barely fazed when he crossed through to the other universe. Magnar was another story.

Dastardos knelt in the thick forest he had appeared in, a very, very dizzy Magnar on his knees. The forest was identical to the one that was right next to Pester's lair, so at least Dastardos knew where he was and that this universe wasn't too unlike the one he came from.

"You all right, Magnar?" Dastardos said. He kept his voice low. None of the others were around, but Dastardos wouldn't have been too pleased if any of them wandered where he was and saw Magnar.

"I'll…I'll be fine!" Magnar squeaked. "That was _really _rough…"

Dastardos was happy he didn't have the full experience. He placed Magnar into his sweater collar.

"Stay out of sight; hopefully I'll be able to find a safe place to keep you until this whole thing blows over…" Dastardos sighed and rose to stand. His feet lifted off the ground and he began to float his way out of the forest.

"Gotcha, Stardos!" Magnar smiled up at his owner and disappeared into his sweater.

"Where the _hell_ are the others?" Dastardos groused. "Who knows what they could be doing…oh well, if they get themselves into trouble, it isn't my fault. Let's see if Pester's in this universe's volcano…"

After he had wandered for a few minutes, Dastardos finally emerged from the jungle…

…just in time to see Vilos as she dragged Doc Patch to the bottom of the ramp.

"I guess I could dump him in the desert and have him think that he hallucinated this whole thing…" she said to herself.

Dastardos paused mid-float when he saw Vilos. He actually gasped when he saw her.

"What's wrong, Stardos?" Magnar whispered. Dastardos hit himself in the chest lightly to tell Magnar to shut up.

Vilos felt Dastardos' eye on her and she looked up to meet his gaze. She gaped right back at him and dropped Patch's legs.

Dastardos and Vilos had the exact same thought going through their minds the moment their eyes met.

_Oh dear GOD…_


	3. Two Reapers

The strangest feeling washed over Dastardos when he saw Vilos. He knew very well that he had never met or seen this girl in his life, but she still seemed indescribably familiar. Looking at her was like looking into a mirror…only without his own ugly reflection staring back at him.

A long, lingering, uncomfortable silence hung in the air as Vilos and Dastardos stared at each other. They had no clue how much time passed, but the silence was finally broken by Doc Patchingo stirring and starting to wake up. Vilos sucked in a small gasp and quickly hit Doc Patch in the head again.

"Look, _creep_, I have no clue who you are, but I have more pressing things to worry about than someone else who can float like me," Vilos hissed at Dastardos as she grabbed Patch by the ankles again.

"Did _you_ knock him out?" Dastardos ignored Vilos' dismissal and floated up to her side, vague astonishment in his voice.

"Sure did," Vilos began to drag Patch in the general direction of the Dessert Desert. "He popped right the hell out of nowhere…like you just did. Do you know him?"

"Unfortunately," Dastardos huffed as he looked down at Patch's face. He looked like a moron with his tongue lolling out like that. "We don't get along too well. Let's just say that I really hate doctors."

Vilos cocked a brow and parted her lips, but she didn't reply.

"Speaking of people I hate…" Dastardos scratched his head. "Have you seen a big fat guy in a graduation cap? I came here to look for him, and I'd like to find him and leave before something catastrophic happens."

Vilos huffed a sigh. "What is with strangers pelting me with questions today? Look, _buddy_, I just want to dump this guy in the desert and go home. Who the hell _are_ you, anyway?"

"I was afraid you would ask me that…" Dastardos rubbed his temples. "Because I think I might be _you."_

Vilos picked up Patch and hurled him into a nearby ditch. She whirled to face Dastardos in a swirl of silver hair. _"WHAT?"_

"You heard me," Dastardos said as calmly as possible.

"Look," Vilos leaned so close to Dastardos that the noses of their masks touched. "I don't know what crazy train you and that monkey guy fell off of, but I am _not_ you! Just because we both can float doesn't mean we're the same person!" She poked Dastardos in the chest. "I'm not even _half_ as ugly as you, buddy."

"Ow, that _hurt,"_ Dastardos feigned offense, his words dripped with a heaping helping of sarcasm. "Look, I can prove it. Let's get away from Patch, though, I don't want him to overhear." He grabbed Vilos by the wrist and pulled her a good distance away from Doc Patch. She protested a good deal, but Dastardos was surprised she couldn't ghost her hand right out of his grip. They must not have identical powers…

Dastardos finally let go of Vilos when they were behind a large rock formation on the outskirts of the desert, a good distance away from the ditch Doc Patch was tossed into.

"Make it quick," Vilos warned. Dastardos could tell from her tone that she wanted to get the hell away from him. Well, Dastardos knew exactly what would change her mind…

"My father was the greatest gardener on the Island…I assume that your mother was, too…" Dastardos began. That one comment alone was enough to make Vilos' angry disposition crumble to bits.

Her expression became more and more stunned as Dastardos recounted his entire life story, which was nearly identical to hers. They both had a younger sibling who grew up in a swamp, they both lost one of their parents due to the stupidity of the other one, and they both were given Sour Candy by their family garden's ex-helper. He also listed all of his powers and made sure to include his immortality. Vilos didn't seem too happy about being reminded about that.

"There," Dastardos smirked victoriously when he saw Vilos rear back with shock. "_Now_ do you believe me?"

Vilos responded with a cry of contempt. She raised her hand and struck Dastardos right in the face.

Dastardos was knocked backward a bit; his eyes wide as he raised his hand to his stinging cheek.

"That…that HURT!" he exclaimed, his voice cracked with panic. "That…that _shouldn't_ have hurt!"

"Who the _hell_ told you my secrets?" Vilos grabbed Dastardos by the shoulders and shook him hard. "I'm going to _kill_ _them,_ and then I'm going to kill _you,_ too! Do you know how _dumb _it was to just waltz up to me and say all of that?"

Dastardos felt Magnar wriggle around incessantly in his sweater. Magnar's little head popped out of Dastardos' collar and he growled at Vilos.

"Wait…is that…?" Vilos' harsh expression softened and she released Dastardos. Magnar practically roared as he leapt right onto her chest. "You have one too?" Vilos yelled over Magnar's fruitless attempts to claw her throat out. "Maybe you AREN'T lying!"

"What did I tell you?" Dastardos plucked the still-snarling Magnar right off of Vilos and held him tightly in his arms. Magnar continued to flail and snarl until Dastardos gave him a piercing look. Magnar slumped and quieted down with a defeated sniff.

"Stardos, I'm hungry…" he said pitifully.

Vilos tapped her chin. "I assume he also lives off of life candy?"

"Exactly," Dastardos nodded.

"…come with me, I'll make sure he gets fed while you're here," Vilos turned and began to drift out of the desert.

"Wow, really?" Dastardos snorted. "You're much more generous than I am! That bastard doctor usually gets to the piñatas before I can get their life sweets; I'd never share the stash I keep for Magnar."

"I have a good source of life candy," Vilos smirked over her shoulder at Dastardos. "You'll see."

"Am I gonna get to meet your Macaraccoon, too?" Magnar bounced joyfully in Dastardos' arms. He had already forgotten that he was trying to tear this woman's throat out mere moments earlier. It was easy to win the favor of this tiny Macaraccoon; all one needed to do was offer him food.

"I'll make sure of it," Vilos actually giggled under her breath a bit.

Magnar smiled up at Dastardos. "I like this lady."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Most men would have loved to be doted on by a cute, buxom blonde woman, but Yoto was just really, really annoyed…and kind of weirded out. This Doctor Patrice looked and acted too much like Doctor Patchingo for Yoto to feel comfortable. He knew Doc Patch as a _man,_ this was just…so damn _wrong!_ Not to mention that she was drowning him in questions…

"So, sweetie, where are you f-from?" Patrice smiled at Yoto. She read in a book once that talking to patients helped keep them calm and less nervous around a doctor they don't know that well. This particular patient seemed _really_ wound up, though…Patrice was getting worried.

"Here, I think…" Yoto tore at the paper sheets covering the cot absent-mindedly.

"Here…you c-can't be from here, I've never seen you b-before…" Patrice grabbed a nearby clipboard and frantically scribbled onto it with a fluffy pen. This patient's head trauma was much worse than she thought!

She jumped and dropped her pen when her Alert System began to ring from where it rested on a chair in the corner of the room. "O-one second!" She tripped over her own feet as she rushed to answer it.

Yoto shook his head. This lady was even spazzier than Patch!

"Oh d-dear…another one…? Y-yes, I'll be there as soon as possible, Leroy!" Doctor Patrice hung up her Alert System without saying goodbye and quickly shoved it into an oversized doctor's bag that was lying in the corner. "I'm so s-sorry, Yoto, but there's another unidentified b-boy passed out in a local garden! P-please get some rest while I'm gone, I'll be back to attend to you as soon as I can!" Patrice gave Yoto a smile that was marred by her nerves before she rushed out the door.

Yoto waited a few moments and then jumped right off the cot.

"WOO, she's gone, I can get out of here!" Yoto did a little victory dance. "There's no way in hell I'd be able to pay a medical bill, hoo boy!"

Yoto made a buzzlegumline to the clinic's waiting room, threw open the doors, ran outside, and out through the Village.

_Might as well take a look around!_ Yoto thought as he rushed through the town. _This place is really weird…it's pretty dang cool! Plus maybe I'll find the other-_

His thoughts stopped short when he rounded a corner and crashed into someone. The next thing Yoto knew, he had fallen on his butt and a huge shadow loomed over him.

"Are you all right, Edith?" a remarkably elegant-sounding woman's voice asked. "And…um…who is this?"

Yoto shook his head around. Sitting on the ground in front of him was a girl with lilac hair and an eyeband who wore the bitchiest-looking purple pantsuit Yoto had ever seen. Yoto looked up to see an extremely tall, full-figured woman in an overcoat with a scarf wrapped around her mouth.

Pantsuit Girl, who Yoto assumed was Edith, picked up some kind of tablet device off the ground and staggered to her feet. "Watch where you're going, you…" Her eyes got very, very big when she got a good look at Yoto. She blinked. "…do you need a hand?" She offered a thin, elegant hand to Yoto and he grasped it a little too tightly.

"Thanks, uh…" Yoto was a bit weirded out by this girl's sudden change in disposition…and how familiar she looked. "Who are you?" Yoto asked as Edith pulled him to his feet with great difficulty.

"Edith," she smiled sweetly and looked up at the woman she had been walking with before Yoto bowled her over. "This is Isis."

Isis tugged at her scarf as she gave Yoto a tiny little wave. She had a delicate demeanor for such a large woman.

Yoto liked big girls; though seeing Isis only made him miss Storkos more. He hoped he wouldn't lose any points with her for helping a villain like Dastardos out…even if it _was_ to defeat another, nastier villain. Agh, women were so complicated!

"…festival," Edith finished a sentence right when Yoto stopped spacing out.

"I'm sorry, what?" Yoto scratched his tangled mess of ginger hair.

Edith smiled patiently. "I said, you arrived in town just in time for the festival," Edith tapped her tablet. "Lucky you!" She looked at Isis expectantly.

"Oh! Um, Edith and I are asking people to help with getting ready for the festival," Isis explained. "Would you be interested?"

It took everything in Yoto's power not to kick the nearest wall. _HOW_ could he have forgotten that the festival that marked the start of Romance Dancing Season for piñatas was in only a few days? That was one of the days that Storkos got a day off, and she was practically the _star_ of that festival! If he wasn't there for her, he'd _never _forgive himself!

Yoto huffed. Well, he wasn't getting back home anytime soon…hopefully he and the other guys could find and stop Pester before the festival began!

"I would _really_ appreciate the help…" Edith wheedled.

"Fine," Yoto found himself saying. At least it would give him something to do until he found the other guys and had to engage in an epic battle of good versus evil.

"Terrific!" Edith seemed absolutely delighted. Isis obviously thought this was strange; she was giving Edith an odd look.

"Isis, please find more people to help us!" Edith shoved her tablet and stylus into Isis' arms. "I have some errands I need to run." She turned to Yoto and beamed. "And _you_ are coming with me!" She hooked her arm through Yoto's and smiled at him.

"Uh, whatever you say!" Yoto tried to slip his arm out of hers, but she made sure that wasn't going to happen.

"Wait, I don't know how to-" Isis called out to Edith, but she was never really good at raising her voice and Edith didn't hear a word. Isis slumped in defeat and squinted suspiciously at the tablet in her hands.

"So, what's your name, how old are you, and where are you from?" Edith asked as she walked down the Village road. She had long legs and took full, determined strides, so Yoto had to struggle to keep up with her lest he be dragged along by his arm.

"Yoto Yoa…" Yoto narrowed his eyes a bit. He wasn't used to meeting new people, so being pelted with questions was a bit weird. Everyone back home already knew this stuff. "I'm nineteen, and I'm from…uh, nearby." Yoto bit his lip. A nearly identical alternate universe counted as 'nearby,' right?

"It's _very_ nice to meet you…" Edith's cheeks flushed a bit. "I hope you'll stay here for a while!"

_Yeah, well, I don't,_ Yoto ached to say. This girl was _weirding him_ _out!_

"Come on," Edith tugged on Yoto's arm. "There's _tons_ of people that I want you to meet!" She ran forward so quickly that Yoto nearly fell right over. He stumbled like crazy as he tried to keep up with her.

_Damn it, does this bitch just want to be seen with a hot guy on her arm or something?_ Yoto thought as he faltered along the road.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

It was hotter than Hell in the desert, and that was just how Tanamo liked it!

Tanamo was a young, poncho-clad man who was a bit on the short side. He had a garden smack in the middle of the Dessert Desert that was his pride and joy. He loved his home; it made him feel beyond hardcore that he could live in such harsh conditions and enjoy it!

He was going for a walk through the desert to unwind from a hard day of work. He had a small canteen that hung from a strap on his shoulder and a small bag of food just in case his walk ran long.

The wind didn't blow at all, so Tanamo didn't have to worry about getting sand blown into his eyes. He passed a Vulchurro perching on a cactus and an uneasy feeling knotted in his stomach. He hoped there weren't any sick piñatas around…he really, really didn't want to run into _Her._

"I can be a good Samaritan today…" Tanamo said to himself before he started looking around for any sign of a sick piñata. He could take it to Doctor Patrice…or just call her if it was something huge, like a Limeocerous.

"Man, it would be awesome if I could lift up a Limeocerous…" Tanamo snickered to no one in particular as he dropped to his knees to peer into a nearby ditch. His smile disappeared when he leaned over to look inside.

"Holy SHIT, there's a GUY in there!" Tanamo leapt to his feet and slid down the ditch's sandy side. The ditch wasn't too terribly deep, so this guy couldn't have gotten hurt by falling into it…unless he was a wimp.

He certainly _looked_ like a wimp. The guy was blonde, wore a stupid monkey hat, and didn't have a single ounce of muscle on his body.

"Oh man, are you _dead?"_ Tanamo briefly considered fleeing the scene if that was the case, but he knew never to count his Cluckles before they hatched. He tentatively placed a hand on the man's chest and felt a heartbeat. "Okay, whew, not dead…" Tanamo frowned intensely as he thought about how to deal with this problem. He couldn't lift this guy…but he _could_ call Doctor Patrice…or he could…

Tanamo unscrewed the top of his canteen and dumped all the water right into the passed out guy's face.

Passed Out Guy promptly spluttered and jolted upward, his blonde bangs dripped and his one exposed eye was as wide as a miniature full moon.

"…hi," Tanamo said. "I don't wanna alarm you, but I found you thrown in a ditch…who did this to you?"

"What…I-I…" No Longer Passed Out Guy shook his head around rapidly. "Wh-where a-a-am I?"

"You're in the desert; someone must have beat you up and dumped you here," Tanamo snorted. This guy had a stuttering problem; he must invite treatment like that. "Who the heck ARE you? I never saw you before."

"D-D-Doc Patch…" the blonde guy stuttered as he flung his doctor's coat off. Even with a face full of water, the desert sun was horribly, horribly hot. "I…I was t-talking to the most incredible woman b-before I p-p-passed out!"

"Incredible woman?" Several possibilities ran through Tanamo's head. "What was she-ah, who cares?" Tanamo slammed a palm into his forehead. "Let's get you to the main Village, you obviously don't belong here!"  
>"I-I need to find some p-people…" Doc Patch staggered to his feet. He winced and bit his lip; the hot sand did <em>not<em> feel nice. _Why_ did he ever decide that going barefoot all the time was a good idea?

"Look, I'll help you out," Tanamo stood up too and puffed out his chest proudly. "I know my way around, and you seem like a fish out of water, no offense!" He laughed and Patch pouted a bit. "Plus, I want to make sure that you don't go passing out again."

"You said th-there's a V-V-Village around?" Doc Patch relaxed a bit. Maybe this whole alternate universe thing was some kind of crazy dream…! He was thankful that this kind fellow had found him in that ditch; the idea of dragging himself through the desert as he died of dehydration didn't appeal to Patch in the slightest.

"Yup!" Tanamo scampered up the side of the ditch. "Follow me, we'll be there in no time!"  
>Patch nodded and, after a brief struggle as he attempted to get out of the ditch with his jacket draped over one arm, he and Tanamo were on their way.<p>

_Shame it was all a dream…I'll never see that girl again…_ Patch sighed. _Oh well…hopefully I can figure out why I wound up in that ditch in the first place!_


	4. Magnar Meets Maggie

Eddie managed to calm himself down after a few minutes of overwrought rushing through the Village. The Village was identical to the one back in his home dimension, so he didn't feel _too_ out of place. However, Eddie did get terribly embarrassed from all the stares he received when he was rushing through town in a panic, though. That wasn't a very good first impression…

"I need to clear my mind…" Eddie sighed to himself. His stomach growled loudly in response. "…and fill my stomach. Hmm…I wonder…" Eddie turned and continued his trek down the familiar road and paused in front of the largest building in the Village.

An enormous sign hung over the double doors that read _ARLENE'S INN._

"Close enough!" Eddie chuckled under his breath and he swung the doors open.

The interior of the Inn was very different than the one Eddie knew back home. Arfur's Inn was rustic and simple, and this Inn was very cute, for lack of a better word. Each round table was draped with a tablecloth and had a little vase of fresh flowers as a centerpiece. The barstools actually had cushions, too!

There was a pear-shaped, kindly looking woman standing behind the bar. Her massive mask was topped with a teapot and she wore a long dress and a fluffy apron. She positively lit up when she saw Eddie.

"Hello, sweetie, I've never seen you before!" she gushed. Her voice made Eddie think of a doting mother character from some kind of old sitcom. "I'd remember a cute face like that!"

Eddie's cheeks flushed pink as he headed to the bar and sat down. There was only a couple other patrons in the Inn; a couple long-eyelashed Watchlings with much less freaky than normal masks were chatting at a table in the corner. A couple young men sat at the other end of the bar. One wore painfully short shorts, had blonde hair, and had an extremely uncomfortable-looking mailbox-shaped mask on. The other was remarkably short but still quite handsome in a rough sort of way. He had dark hair and wore a muscle shirt. He kept laughing extremely loudly with his mouth full of food.

_Not very attractive…_ Eddie winced before he turned his attention to the menu that Arlene had placed in front of him.

"Did you come from the city?" Arlene asked. "You sure look like you did…we don't get many city dwellers at Arlene's Inn…actually, we hardly get them in the Village at all!" she giggled.

"I…yes, I did come from the city!" Eddie nodded a bit too enthusiastically.

"I could tell…he looks like a fruitcake…" the dark haired guy whispered loudly to the guy in the mailbox mask.

Eddie's face burned and he pretended to be engrossed in the menu.

"Max!" the bartender stopped cleaning the counter and smacked him smacked him in the arm with the cloth. "Be nice; he's new here!"

"Aww, come on, Arlene!" He rubbed his arm where she had smacked him. "I didn't mean it!"

"Sure sounded like you did…" Mailbox Guy grumbled.

"Dang it, Freddie…!" Max clenched his teeth.

Eddie figured it would be best to ignore them. In the version of this Village that he was used to, he was a respected figure, so most people treated him well. Yoto Yoa was the one glaring exception, though, so Eddie was more than used to bouts of teasing. He knew not to take it to heart; for every one that insulted him, there were several people who loved him…even if they were all back home.

"Have you decided what you want, hon?" Arlene beamed at Eddie.

"Yes, French toast and tea with honey, please," Eddie smiled back as he returned the menu. Max had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

_He and Yoto would get along…_ Eddie rolled his eyes. _I wonder where on Earth the others are…seeing a mask that I know would be nice…_

_VPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yoto spent the last hour being dragged around everywhere and a half by Edith. She had gathered a ton of art supplies to decorate and label each of the festival stalls, and Yoto was stuck carrying all of it.

Everyone in town reminded Yoto of someone he knew! He wasn't sure what kind of weird-ass universe this was, but the rusty gears were turning in his slow brain and he had started to get a basic idea. It was a lot of information to take in at once, especially when you were carrying a ton of stuff, so Yoto wasn't too happy. He wished he knew _exactly_ what was going on!

Edith must have seen the desperation on Yoto's face. She gave him her most reassuring smile. "Don't worry; I just need to ask Beth a question and we'll be all set!"

"Who's Beth?" Yoto grunted as he struggled to keep his loaded arms from falling off.

"That's Beth!" Edith pointed at a small shop on the edge of town near the river. A thin woman with a gigantic pointed hat on stood with her arm rested on a wooden table that had several apples stacked on top of it. The woman wore a dark, patched-up dress and she reminded Yoto of a witch…not that he had ever met one.

"What does she do…?" Yoto felt extremely odd for some reason as they walked closer to the woman. A much more intense feeling of familiarity than he had gotten from anyone else smacked him in the face as soon as he laid eyes on Beth.

"She's a Tinker!" Edith nodded enthusiastically. "A super talented one, at that! One of the best around!"

If Yoto had been drinking anything, he would have spat it out everywhere at this point. This lady…was she a female version of his_ uncle?_

Yoto was practically frothing at the mouth when he and Edith were right in front of Beth.

"This'll take a minute, Yoto, you can put those bags down if you want," Edith offered. Yoto happily obliged and dropped the bags right away with a loud series of _thumps!_

"What brings you here, Miss Lizard?" Beth straightened and tilted her hat up to reveal a smile.

"Miss _what now?"_ A look of horror crept onto Yoto's face and Edith turned bright red and whipped to face him.

"It's a weird surname, I know, but we have more important things to think about," Edith shook her head at Yoto before turning her head back to Beth. "Just checking to make sure you're getting prepared for the festival, Beth!"

"Oh, don't fret about me, Edith. I could transmogrify all that food in my sleep!" Beth cracked her knuckles. "I trust you have my payment ready…?"

"Sure do, in fact, you can have an advance right now!" Edith dug through her pockets for her wallet.

Yoto turned his attention to the Village road behind him in a vain attempt to stop his brain from spinning. First he saw a weird lady version of his uncle Bart, and then he learned Edith's last name was…ugh, there was no way he heard that right. No way at all…

An incredibly tall man with a petite girl walking beside him entered Yoto's line of sight as they headed toward Beth's little shop. Both of them carried several paper bags loaded with food. As they got closer, Yoto was able to get a better look at them.

The man was tall and lean, but still incredibly fit. He wore an alarming-looking mask with swirling green eyes and had choppy, dark hair.

Yoto almost snickered at the girl's getup. She wore an extremely puffy black, white, and gray lacy dress and had a matching hairpin in her curly red hair. Sure, crazy outfits weren't exactly a rarity on Piñata Island, but seeing one in monochromatic tones was weird!

_She must be trying to make some…statement or something,_ Yoto frowned to himself. _Ugh, I sound like Eddie._

Beth looked up from her chat with Edith and she positively lit up when she saw who was coming down the road. "Back already, dearest?"

_"Dearest"!_ Yoto mentally snorted to himself. _Okay, never mind, there's no way in hell this woman is related to my uncle at all!_

The tall man laughed. "You know I'm good at hunting things down!" He shoved all the bags that he was holding into the dark girl's open arms. She stumbled a bit. "Yin, take these inside for your aunt?"

"Sure, fine, whatever…" she grumbled as she struggled to the store.

"…Yoko wasn't with you, Gavin?" Edith frowned at the tall man and he shook his head. Edith seemed more than a bit disappointed.

"Yoko's at home, baking cookies for her boyfriend," Beth shook her head. "That girl dotes on her fellow too much. She's going to scare him away."

"Oh…I see…" Edith looked down at her shoes. "Alert me when you're all set with the food, then! Well, come on, Yoto, we better get started."

"Get started on _what?"_ It took everything in Yoto's power not to groan as he lifted up the bags again.

"Painting the stalls, of course!" Edith brightened quite a bit once she got closer to Yoto. "Two pairs of hands are much better than one…plus I can enlist even more people to help me!" She pulled an extremely sleek, expensive looking Alert System from her bag and winked at Yoto. "Come on, let's go!" She took off and left Yoto in her dust.

"You poor, poor soul," Gavin shook his head at Yoto as he draped his arm around Beth's shoulders.

"Edith gets really into this festival lark. I see she's dragged you into it against your will?" Beth smirked knowingly.

"_Help me,"_ Yoto hissed.

"Come _on,_ Yoto! We don't have all day!" Edith called once she realized Yoto wasn't following her.

"Sorry, boy," Beth waved him off. "You're on your own with this one."

_VPVPVPVPVPVP_

The dead tree that Dastardos and Vilos floated in front of was completely identical to Dastardos' tree back home in every single way, down to each hole in the bark and the rickety chimneys that poked out of the top.

"I don't want you to startle Maggie," Vilos gave Dastardos a stern look. "She's a bit weak and I don't know how she'll be able to take that."

"If Magnar can survive interdimensional travel, this 'Maggie' can survive my ugly mask," Dastardos rolled his eye. Magnar poked his head out of Dastardos' sweater collar and nodded vigorously.

Vilos just shook her head. All of this was just too strange. If this guy didn't have every single thing in common with her, she would have thought he was a complete lunatic.

She floated through the curtains and Dastardos followed close behind her.

Even the interior of Vilos' tree was identical to his. It was completely barren, apart from a shabby couch, a fireplace, and an even shabbier bed in the other room.

"Maggie!" Vilos called. "Where are you? I have some people I want you to meet!"

"People?" a tiny little high-pitched voice squeaked from behind the couch.

"Uh, well," Vilos glanced at Dastardos and Magnar. "A weirdo and his piñata."

"You hardly let me meet _anyone!"_ An extremely tiny Macaraccoon, even tinier than Magnar, skittered out from her hiding place. She was quite a bit plumper than Magnar and had a slightly tattered purple bow tied around her neck. Her green eyes grew very, very large when she saw Magnar.

Magnar mirrored her expression exactly. He launched himself out of Dastardos' sweater with such force that he would have been knocked over if not for his invulnerability. Magnar gave Maggie a very pointy grin.

"Hi! I came here because I heard your human has a lot of food. Do you also like eating?" Magnar looked absolutely ecstatic. Maggie gasped and nodded excitedly. The two promptly burst into excited chattering. They exhausted themselves out after a few moments and fell asleep into a small pile of fluffy paper.

Dastardos had to cover his mouth to hide an actual, genuine grin.

"Speaking of food…" Vilos grabbed an Alert System from her back pocket. "Wait here, I need to make a call…"

It wasn't long before the twisted tree had another visitor. This person knocked on the side of the tree before parting the curtains and strolling in like he owned the place.

"Geez, two life candies this time, Vi?" chuckled this person as he pressed two large life sweets into Vilos' open palm, "You're really letting Maggie pack on the pounds aren't…" He looked up and finally noticed the two extra beings. "… Yew…"

The man took a step back, "Whatever is going on, Vi, I don't want to be a part of it."

Vilos sighed. "Look, buddy, I'm not even fully sure what's going on, but this guy isn't _too_ bad," She tossed the life candies at Dastardos and he managed to catch one of them. The other went right through his shoulder and he furrowed his brow as he shifted over to grab it. "You don't have to be a part of this whatsoever, Arthur; just make sure we can keep our Macaraccoons fed while we figure out what's going on." Vilos folded her arms and stuck out a bony hip.

"Who _is_ that ugly bastard?" Arthur shuddered.

"I'm not _deaf, _you know," Dastardos huffed as he let the two Macaraccoons eat out of the palm of his hand. He gave Arthur a lopsided glance and quickly sized the man up. Arthur was extremely tall and made Vilos look like a dwarf despite the fact that she was floating. He had dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and a dark purple full face mask. He wore enormous gardening boots and extremely thick gloves.

_Must be a gardener,_ Dastardos concluded as he turned his attention back to the Macaraccoons. _What's he doing being friendly with Vilos, though? Is he stupid?_

"That 'ugly bastard' is named Dastardos, and he told me that he came here to look for his boss," Vilos explained. "He thinks his boss is planning something awful."

"Have you seen a fatass in a red suit?" Dastardos asked as he dropped the remainder of the life candy on the floor and brushed his hands together.

Arthur shook his head 'no' and then turned back to Vilos. "I don't want yew getting 'urt. Yew know 'ow Mistress Mayhem gets when yew put so much as a toe out of line."

"There's nothing 'out of line' about this," Vilos snorted. "I'm sure she has nothing to do with his boss. And talking to _you_ gets me into enough trouble as it is!" She poked Arthur in the chest.

"You'll really do _anything_ to feed that Macaraccoon of yours, 'uh?" Arthur just snickered as he looked over at Maggie. Maggie lit up when she saw him and scampered over to him, her tail wagging so fast that it was practically at mach speed.

"Thank you, Arthur! I don't know what we'd do without you!" Maggie rubbed her head against his leg and Arthur smiled.

"Well, yew wouldn't be quite as spoiled without me, that's for sure…" he crouched down to scratch Maggie between her ears.

Dastardos' brows rose as he looked at Arthur and Maggie interact. That was weird…Magnar always seemed to be embittered towards most of the people Dastardos talked about. Magnar would growl at the mere mention of Seedos until Seedos gifted Dastardos with a bag of life sweets on his birthday. Since then, Magnar would actually sit on Seedos' legs sometimes during his rare visits.

_Guess if you feed a Macaraccoon, they'll love you forever,_ Dastardos shook his head. _It's a good thing I don't let Magnar outside._

Arthur straightened up after a few minutes of rubbing Maggie's belly. She seemed more than a bit disappointed when he stopped paying attention to her and sulked back to Magnar.

"Oh well, I'll get out of your 'air before Mistress Mayhem finds out I was 'ere. I don't want 'er knocking down my door again…" Arthur shuddered audibly, a look of immense disgust on his mask.

"Neither do I," Vilos screwed up her nose. "No one deserves that…anyway, thanks."

"Any time, Vi! Any time…" He smiled warmly at her before he carefully stepped outside the tree.

"Who the _hell _was that?" Dastardos crossed his arms once Arthur was safely out of earshot. "Do you just let _everyone_ into your house?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Vilos rolled her eyes. "He's just my life candy slave. He's a really rich gardener who was interested in me for God-knows-why; I just took advantage of that."

_Really rich gardener…_ Dastardos thought for a minute. _Ah. He must be Avalon's counterpart…_

"So, you're just using him to keep Maggie alive?" Dastardos laughed a bit too loudly, "Atta girl; I could learn a thing or two from you!"

Vilos smirked. "Well, that, and him having interest in me pisses Mistress Mayhem off."

"Oh, is that your boss?" Dastardos asked. _Must be this universe's Pester…_ "What's _she_ like?"

_"Horrible,"_ Vilos tone dripped with venomous hatred. "She treats me like a _slave!_ She disappeared off of the face of the Earth recently, God only knows what she's doing…but you'd never _believe_ the stuff she made me do before she ran off."

"Ohhh, I think I would," Dastardos grumbled.

"I hope you have a strong stomach, I've got some stories for you," Vilos flew over to the couch and took a seat next to Dastardos. "Once she made me _shave her legs_ when she was in the bathtub, and…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVP_

The three-pigtailed Ruffian who had sighted Seedos earlier gibbered like she had never gibbered before to her boss, who was seated with her thick legs crossed in a large, cushioned royal purple chair.

"A boy you've never seen before…?" the large woman tapped a long fingernail against her masked chin. "Tell me…was he hot?"  
>The Ruffian paused for a few moments, and then shook her head.<p>

"Damn it!" The woman slammed her hand into the arm of the chair. "What did he look like, then?"

As the Ruffian gibbered away a description, another large, graduation-capped figure ran right over to the Ruffian's boss' side. "I _know_ that boy!" He spluttered, a less than delighted expression settling on his mask.

"You _do,_ Professor Pester?" the large woman's bright red lips parted expectantly.

"Yes, he's my irritating little minion's even more irritating sibling…!" Professor Pester clenched his fists. "But…there's no way he could be here…unless…" Professor Pester's glowing green eyes grew wide with his realization. "Mistress Mayhem! Turn on the monitors; we have some searching to do!"


	5. The Truth Comes Out

Professor Pester completely optimized control of Mistress Mayhem's computer monitors, forcing her to stand next to the chair while he pressed a zillion different buttons in an attempt to locate Seedos.

"Any particular reason you won't let _me_ control the cameras?" Mistress Mayhem squinted at Pester, her arms folded in irritation. "This is my lair _and_ my computer!"

"You have no idea what this kid even _looks_ like!" Professor Pester groaned in exasperation, cupping his forehead with a large hand. "If I learned anything in my many, many years as a do-badder, you can only trust Ruffian information thirty percent of the time!"

"…fair point," Mistress Mayhem huffed.

After a few more moments of pecking at buttons, Professor Pester loudly exclaimed "THERE!"

He jumped up and tapped a monitor in the middle of the second to last row. "_That's_ him!"

"Let me see!" Mistress Mayhem shoved Professor Pester aside so roughly that he was knocked right onto his butt.

This particular camera was hidden in one of the clinic rooms. It gave the two villains a fuzzy view of an incredibly uncomfortable looking Seedos. His mask was off and he was being doted upon by Doctor Patrice, who hovered around him like a frantic Buzzlegum. Seedos was blushing so hard that they could see it plain as day in the black-and-white tape.

"Ugh, my Ruffian was right, he's ugly and a _half,"_ Mistress Mayhem flicked a dismissive hand at the monitor. "Not worth a single second of my time!"

"No, this is very, _very _bad, and not the good kind of bad!" Professor Pester struggled to his feet and elbowed Mistress Mayhem out of the way. "If _he's_ here, then that means he didn't come alone…!" Professor Pester began to frantically press buttons again. "My minion must have brought him here; that little bastard _always_ makes me screw up! I came here to be away from him for a _reason!"_

Professor Pester's eyes widened again. "HIM! I know _him _too!" He began to frantically tap another monitor and Mistress Mayhem slapped his hand away.

"Don't even _think_ about smudging that," Mistress Mayhem examined the monitor. "Vilos isn't around to clean the lair and there's no way in hell I'm doing it myself!"

This next camera was hidden behind the counter at Arlene's Inn and showed the customers seated at the bar. Mistress Mayhem recognized two of the patrons as the young man who ran the post office and another young man who was infamous for his garden full of oversized piñatas, but there was a third guy she _didn't_ recognize.

"Ooh, who's _he?"_ Mistress Mayhem leaned in towards the screen and licked her lips. "I wouldn't mind spending some quality time with _him!"_

"Eugh…" Professor Pester shuddered. "That's Eddie Lizard! What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

"You sound like you hate him," Mistress Mayhem looked surprised. "How could you hate a face like _that?"_

Professor Pester growled. "One, I'm a _villain,_ I hate _everyone, _and two, he tricked me into_ marrying _him once!"

"Oh," Mistress Mayhem's eyes flashed with mischief. "How was he in bed?"

"That's _it,_ moving on!" Professor Pester practically attacked the buttons.

He managed to discover that even more "visitors" had come to this universe then he had hoped. Doc Patchingo was here and he looked like a lost piñata as he strolled through the Village with some short guy. Professor Pester was overwhelmed with the urge to clean his ears with acid when Mistress Mayhem went on a ravenous tangent about the things she wanted to do to Doc Patch.

Yoto Yoa, who Professor Pester detested a bit more than the rest because of his frequent prank calls to his lair, sat on a bench looking horribly bored as a lovely young lady in a pantsuit talked energetically on her Alert System next to him.

"But where is…?" Professor Pester pressed one last button.

This camera was hidden in a tree in the forest. The grainy picture showed Dastardos and Vilos floating outside of the latter's dead tree and laughing hysterically about something.

"Damn it, he _is_ here!" Professor Pester slammed his fist into the keyboard. "What the _hell_ is he planning to do? Does he want me to screw up so badly that he_ followed_ me here?"

_"That's_ your minion?" Mistress Mayhem barked a laugh, and quickly covered her mouth with a manicured hand. "He's probably the ugliest person I've ever seen! Next to _you,_ of course."

"Don't you start with me, woman!" Professor Pester stabbed a meaty finger in Mistress Mayhem's direction.

"He seems rebellious…Vilos wouldn't even _dream_ of stepping out of line," Mistress Mayhem flipped a hunk of her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder. "I have my _ways_ of keeping her under control."

"What ways?" Professor Pester inquired. Pester thought it really would be useful to get some tips on keeping his rebellious minion from, well, rebelling. Dastardos rarely agreed with his boss; he constantly spouted criticisms and snide comments. He'd even gone so far as to whack Pester with that infernal weapon of his if Pester irritated him enough! Not to mention that Dastardos' voice always held hints of contempt when he spoke to Pester. Dastardos was invulnerable; he could _murder_ Pester if the urge struck. The only thing that kept him slightly in line was Pester threatening to reveal his secret to the whole Island if he tried to rebel.

Professor Pester never had any problems with the loyalty of Ruffians, but he knew that Dastardos was just a bit smarter than those bumbling creatures. Not to mention that Dastardos probably still held a grudge for the whole "kidnapping him and ruining his life" thing.

Mistress Mayhem gestured to the corner of the room. A large, bright red shovel leaned against the wall; the yellow spikes that surrounded the shovelhead had a thick, black substance caked onto it.

"What's that black stuff?" Professor Pester asked. He leaned forward with interest, his mask twisted with a hint of revulsion.

"That would be her blood," Mistress Mayhem sounded satisfied with herself as she played with a bit of her hair. "If she speaks out of turn or refuses to do what I ask, a few smacks with that shovel never fails to change her mind."

Professor Pester mentally cursed; if only he had a shovel of his own! How the _hell_ could this woman afford one of those things? They were beyond expensive, and Pester barely had enough money to fund his inventions and to feed himself! He could save up for it…but the idea of starving himself and not wreaking havoc for several months just to do that really didn't sound appealing.

"She does whatever I want her to!" Mistress Mayhem sighed and tapped her chin with a sharp nail. "I miss ordering her around…such a shame I need to keep this project secret! I _know_ she would try to stop us." Mistress Mayhem approached a framed photo on the wall of a young, purple-masked man with dark hair and rested a hand on it. "Her little boyfriend is going to be a major part of it, after all…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Patch's hopes of all this madness being only a dream were dashed as soon as he and Tanamo entered the Village. He didn't see a single mask that he recognized, even if all the people strolling around seemed uncomfortably familiar.

"So, what do the people you're looking for even look like, anyway?" Tanamo asked as he looked up at Patch, an eyebrow raised.

"Well…" Doc Patch bit his lip. Before he could describe any of his fellow travelers, an extremely tall woman approached them.

"Hi, Tanamo," she said. Her mouth was covered by a scarf, but her smile was plainly visible by the way her eyes crinkled.

"Isis…" Tanamo backed up a bit and tugged at the neck of his poncho. "I'm a little busy here…"

"This won't take a minute," Isis shook her head slowly. "I was wondering if you"-her eyes flicked over to Patch briefly-"and your friend were interested in helping with festival preparations this afternoon. A bunch of people are gathering in the P-Factor hall to help paint and-"

"Yes, sure, we'll both be there, we really have to go, Isis," Tanamo's eyes flitted away from the woman and he ground his teeth together. He tugged on Patch's arm and started to take off down the road. Patch paused for a moment before taking off after him.

"Um, I'll see you there!" Isis said to Tanamo's back, but she got no response. She hunched with disappointment as she watched him go. He was an odd one…

"Wh-what was with the hasty exit?" Patch asked as Tanamo marched up the road.

"She makes me nervous," Tanamo admitted as he refused to make eye contact with Patch.

"R-r-really? I f-feel that way about a lot of w-women…" Patch rubbed the back of his neck and his cheeks flushed.

"I bet," Tanamo rolled his eyes. "Ugh, why I am even _telling _you this? I need a drink," He turned on his sandaled heel and entered a building with a large sign over the door that said _ARLENE'S INN._

"T-that's strange…" Doc Patch wrung his hands before he followed Tanamo inside.

Tanamo was already seated at a small table close to the bar when Patch emerged into the inn. Arlene gasped from her place behind the counter and grinned at Patch.

"Oh wow, another person I've never met, and it's another handsome young man! Wow, the festival's never attracted so many people before!" She folded her hands under her chin. "Thank you for choosing Arlene's Inn!"

"O-oh, thank you…" Patch blushed profusely.

Eddie, who had just finished his meal, practically leapt off of his barstool when he heard that voice.

"Oh my God, Patch, is that really _you?"_ Without waiting for an answer, Eddie ran right up to Patch and squeezed him into a tight, joyous hug. "I had just about given up hope, I'm so glad I found someone I know!"

"_Told_ you he was gay," Max whispered to Freddie, who nodded sagely and handed Max a few chocolate coins.

"We _really_ need to talk, Eddie," Patch broke out of Eddie's embrace and placed a hand on his back to guide him to Tanamo's table.

"I was about to suggest the same thing…" Eddie nodded. "…who's that?" he pointed at Tanamo.

"H-he's helping me l-look around this p-p-place, he's very kind. He woke me up when I was p-passed out in a d-d-ditch in the desert!" Doc Patch nodded enthusiastically.

"_Why_ were you in a ditch?" Eddie gave Patch a confused look as he sat down.

"He doesn't know," Tanamo shook his head and then shot Patch a smirk. "You have barely any memories of what happened, but you remember an 'amazing girl.' You must have had one hell of a night, huh?"

"N-n-no! I'm a d-d-doctor, I'd _never!"_ Patch's cheeks heated up again.

"Anyway," Eddie decided to hastily change the topic before Patch's face caught on fire. "I think I figured out what's _really_ going on in this universe…"

"…_what?"_ Tanamo looked at Eddie like he just leapt out of his chair and burst into an elaborate song and dance number.

"C-c-can you t-t-tell me with him here?" Patch cast Tanamo a nervous glance.

"Yes, I can," Eddie took his Alert System from his pocket and placed it on the table. "Because I have proof."

Eddie turned to Tanamo and explained how he and Patch arrived in this universe. Tanamo's jaw lowered more and more as Eddie spoke until it was practically on the floor.

"…are you high or something? Did you eat too many Joy Candies? That stuff messes with your brain, buddy!" Tanamo scooted his seat backwards, but he made no move to leave.

"That's just the start of it…" Eddie shook his head. "Patch, I believe that this universe houses the same people that we know…but they're the opposite gender."

"T-that explains a _lot!"_ Patch's expression changed to an odd mixture of shock and relief.

"That's _insane!"_ Tanamo squinted at Eddie and folded his arms tightly. "Where's that 'proof' you were talking about, weirdo?"

Eddie held up his index finger to silence Tanamo and fiddled with his Alert System for a few moments. "Right here, this is your counterpart, if I'm not mistaken!" Eddie smirked victoriously as he showed his Alert System's screen to Tanamo.

The picture on the screen was of Sahari, grinning right into the camera with her prized sombrero-topped S'morepion, Steve, in her arms. Steve had a large first place ribbon pinned to his hat, and he looked just as proud as his owner.

Tanamo's jaw somehow dropped even lower than before. "She…she looks like she could be my _twin sister!"_

"She practically _is,"_ Eddie chuckled and withdrew his Alert System. "I'm so happy I figured this out, if only I could tell the others, they must be so lost…"

"Some of t-t-them might be at the clinic…" Patch offered. "I felt r-r-really sick when I c-crossed to this universe…"

"Good idea, Patch!" Eddie grinned at him.

"A-also, it would be interesting to, um, meet myself," Doc Patch admitted.

"Can't argue with that!" Eddie rose to his feet.

"I'm going to need _ten_ drinks…" Tanamo rested his chin onto the table and massaged his temples. "Ugh…I'll see you weirdoes at the paintfest later, I take it?"

"Y-y-yes!" Patch nodded.

"Paintfest…?" Eddie asked as they turned to head for the door.

"I-I'll explain on the way…" Patch grinned goobaaishly.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

When Doc Patch and Eddie finally arrived at the clinic, their arrival startled Doctor Patrice so much that she fell flat on her face after she skittered out of one of the examination rooms. Eddie promptly helped her up and began to explain to her what was going on. He gestured to Patch several times when he was talking about his home universe. Poor Patrice looked like her head was about to burst from all of this information, and she kept on giving Patch flitting little glances from under her thick bangs. Patch was completely frozen; he got a bit nervous when he met new people, especially women, but meeting someone who was practically identical to him in every way was a whole different can of Whirlms. She was a complete stranger, but she was so familiar that Patch felt like he could have known her his whole life. The clashing feelings were overpowering, so Patch couldn't find the right words to say to her.

"…and we think some of our companions might have wound up here. Have you had any patients that you didn't recognize?" Eddie asked as he tilted his head to the side a bit.

Patrice blushed profusely. Eddie might be unloading a bunch of insane information on her, but she found herself believing him. He was cute, and he spoke to her so politely!

"Y...yes, two of them!" She clasped her hands together nervously over her belly button. "O-one is still here, but when I left to pick him up, the first one…well, he r-ran away…" She sighed morosely and looked at her feet. "He didn't even pay his b-bill…"

"What were your patient's names?" Eddie pressed.

"The…the one who ran off was Yoto Yoa-"

"I should have known…" Eddie slumped and Patch nodded in agreement.

"And the one that's here now is named Seedos…I…I didn't catch his last name, is that a problem?" Patrice looked guilty.

"No, it's no problem, there's only one Seedos I know!" Eddie laughed. "Can you point me in his direction?"

Patrice nodded and pointed at the examination room she came out of. "K-knock first, his m-mask is off," She fiddled with her skirt a bit. "I need to go get some forms and some medicine for Seedos' lightheadedness…I'll be with you in a moment!"

Eddie nodded and headed for the patient room. He completely forgot to knock, and Seedos could be heard screaming all the way from the waiting room.

"GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT-oh, hey, Eddie, good to see you! Still, TURN AROUND, holy Moozipan, that was _rude!"_

"Anyway, form time!" Patrice took off towards her office and Patch, having nothing better to do, ambled after her.

"S-so, you're…_me?" _Patch asked as Patrice searched through a large cabinet.

"P-please don't dwell on that!" Patrice shook her head and pouted over her shoulder at Patch. "I-it's _way_ too much for me to handle!" Unable to find what she was searching for, she closed the cabinet and squinted at the other ones.

_Did…did she forget where she keeps her medicine?_ Patch blinked. _I never thought I'd meet a doctor more scatterbrained then me, but here I am…_

"Y-you d-don't find it interesting? It _is_ overwhelming, but I really must admit…it's kind of n-neat!" Patch smiled warmly at Patrice and she threw her hands in the air.

"I-it's _stressful,_ that's what it is!" Patrice stormed over to another cabinet and gripped onto the handles. She looked over her shoulder at Patch and added: "It's too much to t-take at once, p-p-please give me some time to process all of this!" She flung open the cabinet while she was still looking at Patch, and Doc Patch's jaw dropped when he saw what was inside of it.

The cabinet was positively overflowing with photos of Vilos, most of them obviously taken from newspapers. There were a select few color ones that seemed to have been taken while the photographer was hiding in the bushes. There was even a framed lock of her hair!

Patch was even more like Patrice then he first thought…

"EEEEK!" Patrice shrieked so loudly that Patch's ears jolted with pain. She slammed the cabinet shut and covered it with her body, her back to the door and her chest heaving. Sweat trickled down her cheeks and her blue eyes looked ready to pop out of her head. "Y-y-y-you _weren't_ supposed to see that! NO ONE was supposed to see that!" she exclaimed. She sounded like she was about to cry!

"D-don't worry!" Patch's voice cracked a bit and he tried his best to give Patrice a comforting smile. He_ really_ didn't want to make anyone cry. "I-I-I have someone like that t-t-too!"

"R-really?" Patrice still looked horribly embarrassed, but her shoulders visibly relaxed a little. "I…I really should have guessed that…" She slumped and stuck out her lower lip.

"I always wanted to talk to someone who understood about my issues with the r-r-reaper…" Doc Patch approached Patrice slowly, like she was a frightened, cornered animal. "B-but I have one question for you f-f-first…"

"What is that?" Patrice asked him. She would have backed away if she wasn't against the cabinet, so her shoulders just tensed up again.

"H-how much would it cost to b-buy one of those pictures of Vilos from you?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Arthur strolled down the Village road looking like a man with a purpose. In reality, he was mentally fretting over Vilos, even if it barely showed on his mask.

She always dismissed him so easily, despite all he did for her, and yet she willingly let some weird-looking bastard into her home? That was strange, _very_ strange. Something was going on, and Arthur didn't like it.

He had to clear his mind. Talking to Tinker Beth's apprentice Yoko usually helped him with that; she had so much positive energy, it had a tendency to rub off on him!

He strode up to the tiny house that she shared with her even tinier family and gave the door a series of firm knocks. After a few moments, he heard someone run up to the door and it opened a few moments later.

"Arthur!" Yoko exclaimed when she opened the door. She wore a hilarious apron over her tank top and shorts, and her freckly cheeks and bright red hair were dusted with flour. Her ponytail swished as she threw her arms around the much taller man, "What brings you here?" she squealed with delight.

"Just wanted to see yew," Arthur grinned at her. "What are yew up to?"

Yoko released Arthur from her embrace and snorted. "You can't _tell?"_ she gestured to her apron. "I'm making cookies for my love!" She skipped back into the house.

"Of course yew are," Arthur rolled his eyes and followed her in.

"I'm nearly done! Just need to do one more thing…!" She approached a large mixing bowl full of cookie dough that was lying in the middle of the kitchen table. She began to wave her hands around it and the bowl was engulfed by a bright blue light. In a few moments, the light disappeared and a great-smelling plate of chocolate chip cookies was in its place.

"Ooh, impressive!" Arthur applauded Yoko and she bowed with a flourish. "…may I 'ave one?"

Yoko bit her lip and thought for a moment. "If it were _anyone else,_ I'd say no, but since it's you…fine!" She handed a cookie to Arthur and he bit into it gratefully while she began to wrap the rest of the cookies in fancy patterned paper. "You caught me at a bad time, Arthur, I'm super sorry! Hearos is on his way to pick up the cookies!"

"If you're going to grope each other, I'll leave right this second," Arthur offered around a mouthful of cookie.

"Don't be silly!" Yoko stuck out her tongue at Arthur and quickly tied up the cookie package with a bow. The doorbell rang and Yoko bounced into the air. "That's him, he's here!" She snatched up the cookies and darted towards the door.

She swished it open as fast as she could and revealed the extremely heroic figure of Hearos. Hearos was hailed as a local hero; he fought crime, kept Mistress Mayhem and Vilos in line, and even delivered eggs from Egg Mountain to piñata parents on the side. He was tall, dark-haired, and wore a costume emblazoned with an enormous letter H. His ensemble was topped off with a long cape that always seemed to be blowing in the wind.

And Yoko was positively head-over-heels for him.

"He-!" Yoko's exclamation of joy was silenced when Hearos pressed his mouth against hers mere milliseconds after she opened the door. Arthur politely averted his eyes.

"Great to see you, sweetheart," Hearos gave Yoko a winning smile when they separated and she practically swooned.

"I made these for you," Yoko gushed as she handed Hearos the cookies.

"You're _amazing_, you know that?" Hearos ruffled Yoko's hair. "I'm so lucky to have a girl like you…" His smile quickly faded and he sighed sadly. "Can't stick around though, Yoko, I gotta fly. Langstina will get on my ass again if I don't make some egg deliveries today. Gotta make some money." Hearos kissed Yoko on the forehead of her mask.

"Oh, okay…" She sighed. "When can we see each other again?"  
>"Don't worry," Hearos' gleaming grin returned. "I get a day off on the Romance Dance Season Festival, so we can spend the whole day together! I promise!" He crossed his heart with his free hand.<p>

"Oh, that'll be _great!"_ Yoko returned his grin. "Good luck with your deliveries, Hearos, I'll be counting the moments until I can see you again!"

"You and me both," Hearos gave Yoko one last, lingering kiss before he flew off.

Yoko let out a long sigh as she watched him go. Arthur walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're lucky to 'ave someone who loves yew that much, Yoko," Arthur said, his voice distant. "Make sure yew play for keeps."


	6. Sharing Secrets

Dastardos and Vilos spent quite a bit of time swapping stories. Neither of them was used to speaking to other people, nor sharing their troubles, so they didn't notice the hours passing by like they were only seconds.

They were hidden behind Vilos' distorted tree; both of them kneeling on the ground. Due to Vilos' pressing insistence that they wouldn't be discovered, Dastardos had reluctantly agreed to let Magnar out for some fresh air with Maggie. The two little piñatas had assured their owners that they would stay out of sight and began to frolic about joyfully, a fierce contrast to the dour discussion that their owners were having.

Vilos' stories absolutely one-upped Dastardos'. Dastardos always thought that he had it bad with Professor Pester's constant calls, his annoying theatrics, and his horrible plans, but Mistress Mayhem seemed to be leaps and bounds worse. She actually had a Das-er, a Vilos Shovel, so if Vilos refused to obey, Mistress Mayhem would beat her with it until she complied. The woman constantly had her shovel within arm's reach; if Vilos dared to make a move to attack her, Mistress Mayhem would counter her with the shovel in the blink of an eye. If Vilos so much as made a smart comment, a streak of red and yellow would fly into her face in the blink of an eye. Vilos assumed that Mistress Mayhem was constantly paranoid about being attacked by her underling; Vilos couldn't do a thing to oppose her. She was basically Mistress Mayhem's slave; forced to do everything from painting Mistress Mayhem's nails to cleaning her lair to taking covert pictures of the local males undressing.

"That's _disgusting,"_ Dastardos had said to that, his warped mask distorted even more with his repulsion.

Vilos snorted. "You think _THAT'S_ disgusting, listen to _this…"_

When she was finished, Dastardos wished that he_ hadn't_ listened to that.

Vilos and Dastardos strayed from the subject of their horrible bosses after a very long while and the topic changed to the locals.

Dastardos learned that Vilos had never made up with her younger sister after she scared her into the swamp. Dastardos felt a flicker of sorrow. As annoying as Seedos could be, it was sort of nice to have a family member to confide in…not that Dastardos would ever admit that out loud.

Vilos was in the middle of telling Dastardos about an overly-happy ginger girl that she hated when Maggie bounded up to her, her nose glistening.

"What is it, Maggie?" Vilos looked down at her piñata companion and noticed that she had something pink in her mouth.

"…what the _hell_ is that?" Dastardos asked with a squint.

Maggie put her paws on Vilos' bent knees and spat out what was in her mouth right onto Vilos' lap. It was a heart-shaped sweet wrapped in shimmering paper.

"Maggie, why did you bring me a _romance sweet?"_ Vilos picked it up between two of her skeletal fingers and eyed it suspiciously.

"Magnar and I found it in the bushes!" Maggie bounced happily. Upon mention of his name, Magnar poked his fuzzy little head out of a nearby bush and smiled at Dastardos. "I thought it might be useful! Y'know, if you gave it to Arthur he might come feed me more often!" Maggie fluttered her eyes at Vilos. "You could use some more companionship, too!"

"That's _ridiculous!"_ Vilos' words were as sharp as a slap in the face. She took a deep breath and added: "You're spoiled enough, Maggie." She glanced at the sweet one more time before she tucked it away in a side pocket on her pants.

Maggie pouted and headed back to the bushes.

"Oh _yes,_ I meant to ask you…" Dastardos leaned back against the tree and folded his arms tightly. "What the hell is with letting that Arthur guy see Maggie? If he sees her, then he knows your secret!" Dastardos squinted sharply at Vilos. "When we met, you were ready to _murder_ me when I recited your life story to you!"

"You're different," Vilos pointed at Dastardos. "Arthur's different…" Her expression softened the slightest bit. "I _was_ going to kill him…" She shifted so she was seated pretzel-legged. "He was _fascinated_ with me for some Godforsaken reason. Every time I floated through his garden, every time I went to the goddamn P-Factor, every time Mistress Mayhem took me on one of her chaos-spreading sprees, he was there, and he was looking at me."

"It might have been your fifty pounds of hair; it's quite an eye catcher," Dastardos offered with a cocky smirk and Vilos smacked him on the arm. Dastardos bristled at the stinging sensation; he kept forgetting that he and Vilos were on the same frequency and were perfectly capable of physically hurting one another.

"I don't know how he did it, but he heard my family's story several times, and he managed to figure me out," Vilos bit her lip at the memory; she obviously didn't like to admit that she let herself be discovered. "I went through all the trouble of hiding, I changed my name to Vilos, I changed my mask to _this_ ugly thing, I even managed to ditch that annoying accent I used to have …he still found out my secret."

Those were the same things Dastardos did…and he always thought he'd never find someone with problems like his. "What was your name before the incident?" he asked and Vilos looked like she wanted to smack him again.

"I'd rather not-"

"Stellos! It was Stellos~!" Maggie sang from the bushes.

"SHHHHH!" Vilos scowled at the bush and brought a finger to her lips. She slumped in defeat and glowered at Dastardos. "Fffffine, she's right, it was Stellos, you have to tell me your old name now or I'm stopping this story in its tracks," Vilos raised a brow at Dastardos.

Oh, crap. Vilos had changed her name quite a bit more than he did…

"It was Stardos," Dastardos found himself admitting.

Vilos snickered and had to put a hand over her mouth to keep from bursting into hysterical laughter. "That's it? You added a Da? Wow, either you're really stupid or everyone else in your version of the Island is really stupid for not figuring you out! Maybe _both!_ Were you trying to be gangsta or something? 'Da Stardos…'"

It was Dastardos' turn to smack her. "Quit making fun of me and get on with it!"

Vilos clutched her shoulder where Dastardos had hit her and glared daggers at him. "If you do that again, I'll do more than just punch you, buddy," She huffed and continued on.

"Anyway, he strode right into my house, he had the _nerve_ to call me Stellos, and that's when I snapped. I pinned him against the wall, I had my hands around his neck, I was ready to crush his windpipe. Then he looks at me like a pathetic little sick Barkbark and goes: 'I want to protect you.'" Vilos pffted. "I don't _need_ protecting. I took care of myself these past ten years, and I'll do it until Mistress Mayhem gets sick of me and decides to gut me with that shovel." Vilos' expression softened a bit. "Then he mentioned that he knew about Maggie, he knew what I did for her, and he said that he would come back and feed her twice a day if I let him go. He swore he wouldn't tell a soul, and if he did, he wouldn't resist if I tried to kill him."

"…so you just _let him go?"_ Dastardos' eyes widened with his incredulity. "Why the hell did you trust him?" Dastardos glared at her like she was the stupidest person on the planet.

"Maggie was starving; she was all I had left. If I didn't take up his offer, there was a very high chance that I would lose her," Vilos suddenly took immense interest in her stockinged feet. Dastardos' glare was admittedly chilling. Did she look as frightening as he did when she was angry? "He came back an hour later with two Chewnicorn candies. I knew that I made the right choice."

"I still don't understand how you trust him so readily, but eh, at least he kept his word. But Mistress Mayhem just…lets this happen?" Dastardos had a hard time believing that.

Vilos' head snapped up and she shook it rapidly, her silver hair flying everywhere. "No, no, no, _no!_ I never told her! I don't think she has any idea," Vilos shuddered at the very thought. "She knows of his interest in me, though, since she's _very_ interested in him."

"Eew," Dastardos made a face.

"She's interested in _anyone_ with a penis, honestly," Vilos sighed. "Even-" She was interrupted by a dark-sounding tune coming from her pocket. She bristled and pulled her Alert System out, her expression changed to one of alarm when she looked at the screen. She looked at Dastardos and placed a finger to her lips before she flipped her Alert System open.

Vilos' demeanor completely transformed when she took that call. She wore a sickly sweet smile and her voice suddenly became bubbly. "Hello?"

Dastardos mouthed "what the fuck?" but Vilos silenced him with a brief glare.

"SWEETIE~!" a voice on the other end greeted loudly. This voice was so damn loud that Dastardos could hear both ends of the conversation clear as day. "Just calling to see what you're up to! I miss my little maid! Do you miss me too?"

Vilos paused for a moment.

"I asked you a question, dear~! _Do you miss me too?"_

"Oh, _yes,_ Mistress Mayhem, more than life!" Vilos' tone became pouty. "When will I see you again?"

"In due time, my dear, in due time! Mommy's working on something important, so you just keep on being a good little bringer of death and doing your job, okay~?" Her tone was sugary-sweet despite the evil intentions behind her words.

"Of course, wouldn't miss even the smallest Whirlm, Mistress!" Vilos saluted despite the fact that the Mistress couldn't actually see her.

"And sour some S'morepions and send them to the Village, would you, sweetheart? There's a _major_ shortage and there will be a lot of people in town today preparing for that silly little festival, I'd like to cause them a bit of pain!" She giggled.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Oh, and if you see a slim purple-haired boy or a cute blonde in a monkey helmet, send me some pictures! They're new in town, and I'd like to get a better look at them!"

"I'll see what I can do!" Vilos' tone was finale-ish. She obviously wanted this conversation to end despite her cheery act.

"Have a _splendid_ afternoon, darling, I'll be calling to check up on you this evening~!" Mistress Mayhem chirped before she finally hung up.

Vilos let out the biggest groan that Dastardos had ever heard. She slipped her Alert System back into her pocket and slumped, her usual grim expression returned.

"What was _that?"_ Dastardos seemed honestly shocked by Vilos' "transformation."

"If I don't play the perky little underling, Mistress Mayhem gets _pissed,"_ Vilos growled. "She claims my 'bad vibes' are bad for her complexion or her motivation or some shit like that."

"…wow," was all Dastardos could say to that.

"Anyway, I have to go reap," Vilos huffed as she kicked her feet off of the ground and pulled her Whacking Stick out of her hair. "That newbie kid Leroy left his garden unattended and there's a sick Fudgehog. Make sure Maggie and Magnar get back into my house safely." She turned and floated off without a goodbye.

As Dastardos watched her go, a strange feeling that he couldn't identify tugged at his cold heart. He didn't know it, but it was sympathy. Vilos' life was ten times worse than his would ever be, and it was all because of her goddamned boss.

Dastardos hoped with every fiber of his being that Pester was stuck with that twisted woman, and would be for a long time to come.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

After Edith had made what seemed like a squillion calls, she finally rose to her feet, stepped in front of Yoto, and grinned at him with her hands on her hips victoriously.

"I now have a small _army_ to help with festival preparations!" she snickered. "Let's get going, Yoto! The sooner we start, the better!"

Yoto was grateful to get up off that bench; he had been sitting there for about ten years and his butt was really, _really_ hurting. He leaned over to grab the bags of paint when he noticed a familiar group of guys walking up the Village path. _His buddies from home!_

To Yoto, they looked like angelic saviors. Those guys better get him the hell out of here! "HEY, GUYS! OVER HERE! IT'S ME!" Yoto waved his arms like he was signaling a plane from a desert island, his voice extremely loud despite the relatively small distance between him and the others.

"Who…?" Edith turned to face the group and her jaw unhinged itself when she saw Eddie. Had she…met him before?

"Yoto!" Eddie said with an obviously forced grin. "We thought we lost you…!"

"Yes, yes we did," Seedos seemed downtrodden.

Yoto didn't even feel like making any cracks at that. Patch, Seedos, and Eddie were here, he could get out of having to help Edith with the preparations if he played his cards right!

Yoto ran over to the guys and squeezed Patch into a tight, tight hug. Patch let out a squeak that sounded like air rushing out from a balloon and Yoto couldn't help bursting into laughter.

"I'm soooo happy to see you guys, I think I finally figured out what's going on!" Yoto finally let Patch go. Patch hunched with his hands on his knees and struggled to catch his breath.

"Wait, something's going on?" Edith finally shook off her shock and appeared at Yoto's side.

Eddie sighed. "She might as well know…" Eddie gave Edith a quick up and down look and stuck out his lower lip. "The proof is right in front of her, after all…"

"Okay…I think that we're all trapped in one of Fannie's weird-ass books!" Yoto's face lit up like he just discovered the cure for Rashberry Flu. "She'd write something this weird and twisted, wouldn't she? Plus Pester would never think people would find him here, right?"

Yoto's eyes scanned over the stunned expressions of the other guys. None of them responded for a good thirty seconds. "RIGHT?" Yoto repeated, his grin widening.

"…_no!"_ Eddie sounded like he didn't know whether to laugh or weep out of sheer disbelief and frustration. "No, Yoto, that isn't it at _all!"_

"Damn it!" Yoto slammed a palm into his forehead.

"Can someone_ please_ tell me what's going on?" Edith tapped her foot impatiently and glared at Eddie.

"We're not from here, Miss," Eddie's cheeks reddened at Edith's glare. Damn, she must be even better looking than _he _was! Ugh, he shouldn't be thinking of her that way, they're practically _twins…_

"We're from another universe," Seedos said with a casual grin despite his earth-shaking statement.

"E-everyone is the opposite g-g-gender there…" Patch shrank back when he saw the look of utter skepticism on Edith's face. "Um…" He pointed a finger at Eddie. "Th-that's you."

Eddie grinned Goobaaishly at Edith and gave a little wave.

"…is this a _joke?"_ Edith took a step back.

"I_ promise _it isn't!" Eddie held up his hands.

"Then…" Edith's eyes flicked over to Yoto. "…then I just got a whole lot of questions answered," Edith accepted all of those crazy facts with a quick smile in Yoto's direction.

"…Huh? Really? That easy?" Yoto's eyes grew wide.

"I had a weird hunch, but I wasn't sure!" Edith hauled up a couple of bags of art supplies. "I'll tell you more later." A hint of a blush bloomed on her cheeks.

The boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"Come on, Yoto, we have to get to painting, people will start showing up soon!" Edith urged.

"Don't you guys need me for _something else?"_ Yoto asked, his eyes pleading.

"A-actually, Yoto, w-we're helping with the p-painting too," Patch chuckled nervously.

It took everything in Yoto's power not to groan loudly. _"FINE," _he hissed through clenched teeth so only the guys could hear. "But you're helping me carry all of this shit."

"Oh, come on, Yoto, you aren't excited that you finally know what this universe is all about?" Seedos asked with an oversized smile. He placed his hands behind his back and added: "I figured you'd be all over showing everyone all of those dumb pictures you have of the people back home in your Alert System…pretty much _everyone_ will be at the painting thing, if I'm not mistaken!"

"That's the BEST IDEA you ever had, Seedmour!" Yoto exclaimed and wrapped Seedos into a tight hug. Seedos laughed triumphantly and grinned to himself. He _knew_ that would work!

"That's the _worst idea_ you ever had!" Eddie looked at Seedos incredulously.

"Oh, shush, he's annoying when he's complaining," Seedos looked at Eddie flatly over Yoto's shoulder.

"Come on, you guys!" Edith called impatiently. "We don't have all day!"

"Coming, Edith~!" Yoto sang joyfully. He picked up a bunch of bags and skipped after her. "Oh man, when we get there, I have some things I want to show you…"

"Seedos…w-what have you d-done?" Patch looked at Seedos like he just committed five murders right in front of his eyes.

"Relax," Seedos hauled up a few bags with a bit of difficulty and smirked at Patch. "I won't be the one getting embarrassing pictures of myself passed around; if I know myself, my counterpart will be far, _far_ away from this social gathering!" He strolled on ahead of the group, humming a merry tune.

"I r-really think he's becoming evil…" Patch bit the tip of his glove.

"He's cracked, probably from loneliness," Eddie made the cuckoo sign at Patch. "Next thing we know, his seeds will be urging him to start fires."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Preparations for the Romance Dance Festival were fairly simple. Booths of many sizes for food and games were already constructed, thanks to the amazingly fast building skills of Wilma Builder. All that was left was to paint them with bright colors and amazing amounts of patterns.

Eddie was utterly delighted and dove right in. He was an amazing artist and everything he painted was intricate and overcolorful.

"Something can be said for enthusiasm…" Edith had smirked at him. "But I'm _much_ better."

Much to Eddie's irritation, she barely painted at all and instead rushed around barking out orders. Participation was an important part of being a leader! Any female counterpart of him would know that!

"People need dates for this festival, don't they? They aren't…mandatory, right?" Seedos bit his thumbnail, which had a fleck of violet paint right in the middle of it.

"They're not…um, r-required…" Patch stopped painting messy, squiggly letters onto a sign to cock a brow at Seedos. "Y-you've never been? You've lived on this Island longer than I have!"

"I'm not big on stuff like this," Seedos sighed as he crouched down to mix some more purple paint. "I usually just stay in bed all day…" He tried to sound nonchalant, but Patch picked up a hint of sadness in his tone. Patch knew very well how lonely the poor kid was.

Seedos probably couldn't get a date even if he tried. Patch clicked his tongue; he could say the same about himself. He wasn't exactly known for being smooth with girls back home. But this was a whole other _universe…_his reputation wouldn't precede him here!

"Hmm…I wonder…" Patch put down his paintbrush and began to wander off.

"Where are you going?" Seedos glared up at him. His expression reminded Patch of an irate Galagoogoo that just had its food stolen. Needless to say, Patch had seen more intimidating sights in his twenty-five years on Earth, like a hissing baby Kittyfloss.

"I just need to ask around about s-something…b-b-be right back!" Patch gave Seedos a quick Goobaaish grin before he took off.

Eddie didn't want to be seen without a date, even if he was in a parallel universe…he would like for his reputation to be pristine no matter what world he was in!

He bit his lip as he thought and narrowly ignored the urge to sigh. If he had been back home, he could have taken Maxime to the festival. He really missed being able to see her; he really, really hoped no one else wanted to take her to the festival. It probably wouldn't be a big deal if someone else did, though; the festival was more about the food than the romance, and, as much as Eddie hated it, Maxime was the same way.

Speaking of ways, Eddie swung in both directions. He mourned the fact that Maxime's male counterpart wasn't more…likable, otherwise he could have taken a shot in the dark and asked him to come along with him. He glanced over in Max's direction and found that he was swordfighting paintbrushes with Tanamo. Both of them were completely covered in paint, and Edith was screaming at them not to waste it. The two guys replied by turning to her and starting to fling paint in her direction.

_Definitely not my type…_ Eddie sighed and turned back to his painting.

"Eddie, I found it! Y-you said you needed fuchsia, right?" Eddie turned to see Patrice standing behind him with an open can of brightly-colored paint in her arms. "Th-this can says fuchsia on it! I h-hope it's right…"

"Doctor Patrice!" Eddie turned to face her, an enormous smile on his face. She was _perfect!_ They'd exchanged more than a few words, she blushed when he spoke to her, and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to her. "Excuse me if this is too bold a request, but would you like to accompany me to the festival?"

Patrice replied by dislocating her jaw and losing her grip on the paint. It clattered to the floor and a tidal wave of fuchsia washed over her, soaking her coat, skirt, and legs.

"Y-YES!" Patrice exclaimed with a vigorous nod that knocked her monkey hat askew. "I-I mean, I'm honored! I…should go get cleaned up before this dries…sorry, Eddie!" she grinned at him gratefully before she ran off.

Eddie chuckled and shook his head before turning his attention back to his painting.

_As long as she doesn't spill anything onto __me__, we'll be fine._

Yoto had barely painted a speck onto anything. Instead, he ran around the enormous room showing everyone he could find embarrassing pictures of their counterparts.

Yoto's hobby was taking hilarious candid photos of people. He claimed that he liked to photograph "the beauty of the human spirit" (which was a line he swiped from his brother Yen) but he really just liked to have embarrassing photos to post on Maskbook. He always got a ton of likes and several angry comments from the subject of the photos. It was HILARIOUS.

Because of Yoto's little "hobby," Bart had forbidden him from owning an actual camera. Yoto didn't mind; the one that came with his Alert System did the job just fine! Not to mention he had a portable photo gallery!

Floros and Isis were taking a break and happened to be seated on the same couch. Yoto had plunked down between them and promptly began showing them an array of pictures.

"This is you with swamp mud all over yourself after you tripped," Yoto said as he shoved his Alert System into Floros' face. "Well, it's not _you_, but you know what I mean."

The whole "alternate universe" thing had spread around the Village like wildfire once word got to Tanamo and Edith. Floros had been skeptical, since she heard it from her brother Dedos' mouth, but the truth was staring her right in the face!

She really, _really_ didn't like the idea of being the same person as that weirdo Leroy had found in his garden earlier. It shown plain as day in her worried expression.

"Yeah, I'd be sad if he was my counterpart too, you poor widdle thing," Yoto cooed as he gave Floros a patronizing pat on the head. "He's really weird. Even his _teeth_ are weirder than yours!" Yoto tapped his chin. "Those aren't his real teeth, though…and I can tell those huge-ass Bunnycomb teeth of yours are the real deal…"

"Wow, rude!" Floros stood and put her hands on her meager hips. "Just because you're not in your home universe doesn't give you the right to talk to people like that!"

"You kidding me, girl? I'm toning myself down!" Yoto cackled and kicked his legs.

Floros made a noise of contempt that reminded Yoto of a Hoghurt with a bout of indigestion before she stomped off.

"Okay, laters!" Yoto waved after her and scooted closer to Isis. She turned her head towards him, a flicker of annoyance in her dark eyes.

"I've got one of man-you looking like a Doenut in headlights just because I told him I was gonna take a picture," Yoto explained with a smirk as he scrolled through the many, many photos in his Alert System.

"Edith is going to get mad at you for slacking," Isis' voice held barely-disguised irritation.

"Nooo, she likes me for some reason! Hey, Edith!" Yoto waved at her and she waved back enthusiastically. He smirked at Isis. "See?"

"Yoto, can I talk to you?" Edith called. "I need to ask you a question!"

"_See?"_ Isis smirked back underneath her scarf.

Yoto grumbled and stood up. "Fine, you win_ this _round…"

"Yew want _WHAT?"_ Arthur exclaimed as he tore at his hair in frustration. "What do yew want to know _THAT_ for?"

This was the weirdest damn thing that ever happened to him! Some blonde dude that he never even seen in his _life_ had strolled up to him right when he was in the middle of going through paints and asked if he knew a way to contact Vilos! Was his secret discovered? Or was this a coincidence and this guy was just an enormous moron? Either way, Arthur wasn't too thrilled.

"I-I want to ask her to the f-festival…" Patch's cheeks flushed. "I-I know she's not too…p-popular around here, but she seems lonely…"

"Are yew _loony?"_ Arthur gave Patch the coldest glare he could muster. "That woman could kill yew in _seconds!"_

"Th-that's what everybody else said…" Patch slumped. "I was hoping I could find a speck of h-hope _somewhere…"_

"Well, yew won't find it 'ere, that's for sure!" Arthur waved Patch off. Patch slumped in disappointment and dragged his feet away.

Once he was a safe distance away, Arthur folded his arms tightly. _Someone actually wants to ask VI?_ he thought, his temples pounding with the beginnings of one hell of a headache. _She wouldn't say yes in a million years…__would__ she? I don't think she would say yes to __anyone__..._ Arthur felt a sudden rush of confidence. _Well…there's only one way to find out!_

Yoto had skulked over to Edith expecting a firm scolding for slacking on his festival preparation duties, but all she did was ask him a question.

And it was worse than a scolding.

_MUCH_ worse.

Yoto staggered backwards with shock. "You want me to _WHAT?"_


	7. A Whole Lot of Worries

"Please?" Edith smiled gently at Yoto and made a move to rest her hand on his shoulder. "I know we just met recently, but I'd really like to get to know you better!"  
>"No, no, no, I am <em>not<em> going to the festival with you!" Yoto shook his head vigorously and jumped back, as if Edith had asked him to chop his genitals in half. Yoto only had eyes for one girl, and even if she wasn't in this universe, he'd feel god-awful if he went on a date with someone else! ESPECIALLY if it was a female version of Eddie frickin' Lizard!

Sure, Storkos wasn't his girlfriend, but they were getting closer. Yoto didn't even feel the slightest bit of romantic affection for Edith; not to mention that she was the exact opposite of his type! Skinny as a stick and breasts that were only B cups, at the most. Eugh, not his thing!

Edith frowned and opened her mouth to say something else, but a Tigermisu-striped arm draped around her shoulders before she could speak.

"Percy?" Edith attempted to jerk away from him, but he kept his hold on her and pulled her closer. "Where did _you_ come from?"

"Relax, hot stuff, I just wanna ask you a question!" Percy purred with a smirk. "You should _totally_ come to the festival with me. We'd be the hottest couple there!"

_Ahh, this guy must be Petula,_ Yoto thought as he screwed up his nose a bit. As much as he couldn't stand Petula, he really hoped Edith would get stuck with her counterpart. That would get Edith out of his hair for sure, and he wouldn't have to cheat on his future girlfriend!

"I'm sorry, Percy, but I already have a date!" Edith finally wrenched herself away from Percy and linked her arm through Yoto's.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Yoto gaped at her and Edith elbowed him in the ribs. Hard.

"Who the hell is _this_ rube?" Percy growled, his brows knitted into a scowl. "You'd rather be seen with a greasy loser with a gay shirt than _me?"_

"Yes, Percy, now go away and bother some other girl, I'm sure one is desperate enough to date you," Edith's tone was horribly harsh.

Yoto bristled a bit. That was a little scary. Eddie might not have been happy with Petula's affections towards him, but he was always nice to girls and always made sure to let her down easy. This…wasn't easy at all.

Percy practically roared before storming off, grumbling that he was going to try to ask Edith's mom and maybe she would be less of a bitch.

"There," Edith smirked at Yoto. "Now you _have_ to go with me."

"Uh, no I don't! I'm not contract bound or anything!" Yoto slipped her arm out of hers and glared at her.

"Come _on," _Edith begged. "I don't want Percy to harass me! He's just _awful."_

"No," Yoto crossed his arms tightly.

"Come _ON!"_ Edith stamped a foot. "I'll…I'll buy you all the food you want!"

One of Yoto's brows cocked. The Romance Dance festival never failed to drain his pockets of food money…which he didn't have right now. The idea of being able to eat whatever he wanted for free WAS appealing… "Hmm…I'm listening…"

"And we can do whatever you want, too!" Edith pleaded and folded her hands under her chin. "Pleaseplease_PLEASE?"_

"Fine, if it will get you off my back," Yoto huffed. He'd be able to eat whatever he wanted, and he wouldn't have to hold Edith's hand or kiss her; this would be a completely platonic date! That didn't count as cheating, right?

"Thank you SO much!" Edith squeezed Yoto into a brief hug. "I owe you one, no, I owe you several! You're the best."

"If you say so," Yoto sighed. At least getting free food would be nice…

The rest of the day slipped by in a haze of booths, brushes, and paints. The preparations were nearly finished, and the booths would be moved into the Village Square two days from now, the day of the festival. The festival started in the early evening, so the local men (and the alarmingly strong Isis) had plenty of time to pick up and move the stalls to where they belonged.

After bidding adieu to a blushing Patrice, Eddie headed over to the door where Seedos, Yoto, and Doc Patch leaned against the wall as they waited for him.

"She your new girl, Eddie?" Yoto waggled his eyebrows in Patrice's general direction as she bent down to gather her belongings together. "I saw how she was lookin' at you! Surprised you threw Maxime to the Mallowolves so readily! You gonna beg Patrice to come back home with ya or what?"

"Don't be silly," Eddie narrowed his eyes to tiny slits. "I'm just being courteous and taking her to the festival. If she's anything like our own Doctor Patchingo, she'd be too nervous to seek out a date herself." Eddie's cheeks flushed red when he noticed the pout on Patch's lips. "Uh, no offense, Doctor."

"N-none taken…" Patch lied and looked down at his paint-splattered feet.

"Why is no one addressing the pressing issue at hand?" Seedos asked, his fists on his hips.

"What pressing issue?" Eddie tilted his head at Seedos.

"That _you_ don't have a date?" Yoto cluckled and slapped his knee. "Man, a girl would have to be drunk, high, desperate, and _dead_ to want to date _you!"_

"That's not it!" Seedos huffed. He had put up with Yoto ever since he was very young; he was used to his crap by now. "None of us have a place to stay! This universe may have replicas of our houses, but they have different occupants!"

"I-I d-didn't even _think_ about that!" Patch rapidly swept his right glove off and shoved a finger into his mouth. A bunch of panicked thoughts rushed into his head at once. He hadn't expected to be taking a trip when he got that letter from Dastardos, so he hadn't packed a bag. He had no money, no changes of clothes, no _underpants…_he hoped they wouldn't be staying for much longer!

"There's an Inn in town, remember?" Eddie reassured. "Let's all stay there!"

"I-I…" Patch sounded like he was ready to cry. "I d-d-didn't bring any m-money…"

"I'm flat broke, too!" Yoto laughed heartily.

Eddie's face fell and his eyes flicked over to Seedos. Eddie's expression was vaguely hopeful.

"Are you kidding me, Eddie? I _never _have money, even back home," Seedos looked back at Eddie incredulously.

"Well, I'm never without my money…" Eddie reached into his back pocket and took out a bulging wallet that was more shades of purple than the spectrum could handle. "I don't want to spend _too_ much but I also don't want to force anyone to share a bed with anyone else, so we'll split into groups of two so I only have to pay for two rooms. Sound good?"

A look of horror overcame Seedos' face and he rapidly exclaimed: "NOSES, LOSER HAS TO ROOM WITH YOTO!" and promptly rested his pointer finger against his mask's nose.

"What?" Eddie's eyebrows shot up so far that they peeked out of his eyeband.

Patch squeaked and rapidly moved the finger he was chewing onto his nose.

Yoto cackled and joined the party. "Guess I'm not rooming with myself!"

Eddie slumped, his eyes pleading. "I didn't understand Seedos, he was talking too fast! Can we _please_ have a do-over?"

"Nope," Seedos grinned at him and Eddie felt a numb urge to cry.

Yoto bounded up to Eddie and draped an arm around him. He pulled him horribly close and said: "We'll have lots of fun, roomie!"

Patch and Seedos exchanged a quick look of relief before they headed to the Inn. Eddie and Yoto followed them, Yoto keeping his arm around Eddie.

"Hey, Patch, I've been meaning to ask you something all day," Yoto's tone was curious and he cocked his head at Patch the same way a hungry Parrybo would.

"Wh-what's that?" Patch said, his voice showing barely-disguised despair. Yoto's questions were usually tactless and terribly invasive. The last question Yoto had asked him was: "How many times have you seen Storkos' boobs? You didn't touch them, _did you?"_

"Patrice has your last name, but she asked me to call her by her first name," Yoto explained. "So, I was wondering…what the hell is _your_ first name?"

"Y-you _know_ my first name!" Patch quickly looked over his shoulder at Yoto. He looked pretty offended.

"No, I don't!" Yoto shook his head.

"Neither do I, actually…" Seedos looked at Patch with big, curious eyes.

"Nor I!" Eddie was so surprised that he stopped trying to escape from under Yoto's arm. He never even thought about Doc Patch's first name before…

"Y-you just _c-called _me by it, Yoto!" Patch held the sides of his monkey helmet in exasperation and didn't even bother to look back at Yoto.

"What? It's actually _PATCH?"_ Yoto burst into hysterical laughter. Spit flew out of his mouth and hit Eddie on the cheek. Eddie promptly turned green and wiped it off as quickly as possible. "Patch Patchingo…that's _ridiculous!"_

Patch's face turned hot enough to char a Moozipan at forty paces and he rapidly increased his walking speed.

"Don't be mean, Yoto," Seedos gave him one of his remarkably unintimidating glares.

"Seriously," Eddie snorted. "Your name sounds like your parents just smashed something onto a keyboard and decided to call you it."

Despite their disapproval, Yoto kept laughing the entire walk to the Inn.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Ah, business is _so_ great during festival season!" Arlene rested her hands on her cheeks joyously when the four boys asked for rooms. "Of course, I'd be more than happy to have you! You're lucky my Inn isn't quite full yet!" She winked and reached under the counter to retrieve the guestbook. She looked at Patch first as she dropped the book on the counter. "What'll it be, sweetie?" She smiled and clicked her pen.

"Oh, u-um, S-Seedos and I would like a room with two twin beds," Patch smiled back at her. Something about Arlene seemed more warm and welcoming than Arfur. Must be her motherly appearance.

"Of course, cutie pie!" she gushed as she scribbled their names down in the guestbook. Arlene turned to a wall of key hooks behind her. Only a few keys remained, most of them having been taken by people who were visiting for the festival. She tossed a silver key at Patch and Seedos. Seedos caught it surprisingly skillfully.

"Your room number is right on there," Arlene's voice was as warm and hospitable as her smile. "It's on the second floor. That'll be 900 chocolate coins!"

"You two can go right on up," Eddie waved them off. "I'm paying for them, ma'am."

"Aww, 'ma'am.' Aren't you sweet!" Arlene giggled. "And paying for your friends, too! What a fellow!"

Yoto rolled his eyes so hard that his head went with them.

"Have a good night!" Eddie waved goodbye to Seedos and Patch as they headed towards the stairs. He turned back to Arlene. "We'll take a room with two twin beds also, if you please."

Arlene nodded and turned back towards the remaining keys. After a few moments, her expression fell and she wrung her hands. "Oh dear…"

"Oh dear?" Yoto echoed.

"I'm afraid I only have the rooms with one double bed remaining…" Arlene took a key off of the hooks anyway and looked at the two apologetically. "Is that a problem?"

"I-I can't afford to get us separate rooms, especially if we're going to stay for more than one night!" Eddie choked, his eyes bulging so much that Yoto had to laugh.

"Come on, Eddie, there are worse things in the world than sharing a bed with me!" Yoto draped his arm around Eddie again and he bristled as if Yoto's arm was as hot as coals. "Having a Mallowolf gnaw on your leg, for instance! Or kissing Professor Pester, or walking in on your parents having sex, or-"

"That's _enough!"_ Eddie barked and shoved Yoto away. Arlene looked shocked and covered her mouth with her free hand.

Eddie sighed and gave Arlene an apologetic look for his outburst. "I guess I have no choice…" He admitted defeat and rooted around for his wallet.

"Gotta warn you, Eddie," Yoto stretched and yawned nonchalantly. "I'm a cuddler. I always wake up hugging my pillow."

Eddie's hand closed into a tight fist inside his pocket. It was going to be a _long_ night…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Seedos had flicked off the lights as soon as he entered the room behind Patch, startling the poor doctor so much that he stubbed his toe on the room's lone chair.

"W-w-_warn _me before you d-do something like that!" Patch squeaked.

"Sorry," Seedos sounded contrite as he tossed himself belly-first on the bed that was closer to the window. "I don't want you to see me with my mask off!" He sat up and turned so his back faced Patch and he began to fiddle with the strap of his mask.

"Seedos," Patch shook his head. "I've seen you without th-that thing more times than I can c-c-count."

"Doesn't mean I like it," Seedos grumbled as he finally got his mask off and placed it on the floor by his bed. What little he could see in the dark blurred with the removal of his glasses. "There's no need for you to bandage my face, so there's no need for you to _see_ my face." He then removed his oversized backpack, which he placed delicately next to his mask.

"Y-y-you get so many head injuries…wh-who_ d-d-does _that to you?" Patch asked, trying his best to make conversation.

"Lots of people who want me to shut up," Seedos shimmied under the covers and pulled them up to his chin, lying with his back still to Patch. "Mostly Bear. A. Maracus, though."  
>"O-oh…I've b-b-been to his g-garden…" Patch nodded despite the fact that Seedos wasn't looking at him. "It's the one by the b-b-big blue house, right?"<p>

"Yeah," Seedos yawned hugely, but kept talking in spite of it. "He has some anger issues he needs to work out…can you be quiet, please? I need to get some sleep. Interuniversal shock is _exhausting."_

"I have to agree…" Patch sighed and removed his own mask, which he plopped onto one of the bedposts. "G-goodnight."

"'Night."

Despite his exhaustion, sleep didn't come to Seedos swiftly. He rolled over onto his back once Patch's breathing changed and he knew the good doctor was asleep.

He couldn't exactly tell anyone why, but he was _worried._

The other guys barely mentioned Dastardos since they arrived, the reaper going right to the back of their minds. He was the _reason_ they came here, and they didn't even bother to go looking for him?

Sure, the mere mention of Dastardos gave Eddie migraines, Patch _despised_ Dastardos, and Yoto would often go on long spiels that he obviously thought were hilarious about why he thought Dastardos was gay, but they had come to an alternate universe just the same.

_Don't WORRY, Seedos!_ Seedos shouted in his head. _Your brother is the last person you should worry about! He's probably just going after Pester. Probably decided he didn't need anyone's help and went at it alone…_

That was likely, that was _extremely_ likely. That didn't stop Seedos' brain from swimming with other, more awful possibilities.

_What if he didn't make it? What if the gun didn't work on him…or worse, malfunctioned because of his weird biology and messed him up? What if the gun sent him somewhere in the far reaches of the Island's jungle and he got lost? What if Pester was actually conspiring against him and captured him? Or KILLED him?_

Seedos loudly swallowed a lump in his throat. He was suddenly overcome with an immense urge to sneak out of the room and look for him.

He actually slammed his head against the bed's headboard to get that thought out of his head. _NO, bad Seedos, BAD. They'd question you like CRAZY if you went after your brother! What would I say, anyway? 'Oh, sorry for disappearing, I was super worried about Dastardos since we've secretly been brothers all this time, ahahaha!' NO._

Dastardos would come to them when he was good and ready, Seedos knew that. He must be okay, or trying to find his feet in this new universe, or…

_Maybe he brought Magnar…_

That thought comforted Seedos a bit. He knew very well that Dastardos couldn't stand to be away from his piñata pet for long, especially since the poor thing had been ailing since the day he was born. He must be trying to find a place for Magnar to stay or a way to feed him…or both.

Seedos decided to cling to that thought. A little bit of reassuring comfort was better than none at all. _Hopefully Pester can wait to carry out that evil plan of his…_ Seedos bit his lip so hard that the coppery taste of blood seeped onto his tongue. _Please find us soon, bro._

Seedos did fall asleep eventually, his thoughts wasting away into a haze as sleep took its hold on him. Hopefully he wouldn't be here for too long; Patch occasionally talked in his sleep and it was hard to doze off when you were worried and had to listen to someone listing disease symptoms in their sleep on top of everything else.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

When Vilos returned from her reaping, Dastardos had floated off to who-knows-where and left Magnar behind.

"He said he'd come back eventually, he had to go look for some people," Magnar explained.

_Whatever,_ Vilos had thought. It would do her well not to look at his ugly mask for a while. Next to him, she must look like a goddamn princess or something.

That was quite a few hours ago, now it was well past midnight. She lied on the couch, both Magnar and Maggie sleeping on her chest and stomach, respectively. She was beginning to doze off a bit herself.

The sound of three firm knocks against the outside of her tree jolted Vilos out of her sleepiness.

"Um…come in?" Vilos called. She gently scooped up Maggie and Magnar as she sat up. She placed them on the couch next to her and they barely even stirred.

She looked at the curtains expectantly. No way was that Dastardos; he didn't seem like the knocking type. Even then, there's no way his skinny little fists could knock that firmly.

_Must be Arthur,_ Vilos rested her pointy chin on her hand. _But what the hell is he doing here at this hour?_

Her hunch was right; Arthur's tall frame ducked through the curtains and he smiled broadly at Vilos.

"What the hell do you want, Arthur, it's the dead of night," Vilos narrowed her eyes into glowing slits at her visitor.

Arthur snorted. "Like that matters to yew, Miss 'I-Don't-Need-Sleep.'" His smile didn't falter. "I came 'ere to ask yew something."

"At _two AM?"_ Vilos' squint narrowed even further. "I know you usually come after dark, but this is pushing it."

"It's _really_ important, and I wanted to ask yew this before someone else did!" Arthur's cheeks colored a bit underneath his mask. "Vi…will you come to the Romance Festival with me?" He smiled at her hopefully. His voice was full of his usual confidence, but Vilos caught a small edge of nervousness.

Vilos stared back at him, a smile slowly broadening onto her face. For a second, Arthur thought she would say yes, that she _wanted _to say yes…

…and then she threw her head back and burst into cackling laughter that didn't let up for a good full minute.

"Wot? WOT?" Arthur's smile shattered into an upset frown.

"You know 'wot!'" Vilos chortled. "Are you _nuts?_ I wouldn't go to that stupid festival if you paid me in Life Sweets!"

"N-not even with _me?"_ Arthur rested a hand on his chest.

"Not even with you! Do you _want_ your reputation to explode into ruins? Being seen with me would get you thrown into a nuthouse, _buddy!"_ Vilos flew off the couch and firmly poked Arthur in the chest. "And what was that shit about someone else wanting to ask me? Have you _seen_ me? I'm not exactly easy on the eyes."

"Okay, one, you're _beautiful,_" Arthur tried to take Vilos' hand and she snatched it away with a snort. "And two, that doctor from 'oo-knows-where said 'e wanted to ask you, and I thought…"

"Look, Arthur, if I won't go with you, I sure as hell won't go with that dork," Vilos laughed yet again and Arthur felt like an arrow pierced his heart. He should have known that Vilos wouldn't share his sentiments. Ugh, _why _did he think this was a good idea? Vilos was _undead._ She spent her time reaping souls and terrorizing gardeners. Someone like that wouldn't return _anyone's_ feelings, no matter what they did for them.

"I'll be making Sours and releasing them on the gardens everyone left behind, most likely. I'll skip yours, though." Vilos gave Arthur what she probably thought was a comforting smile. It didn't suit her.

"That's…reassuring…" Arthur suddenly took interest in a particularly large dent on the wall.

"Don't you _dare_ sulk, I'm doing you a goddamned favor," One end of Vilos' scarf reared up in Arthur's face and nodded in agreement. Vilos whirled him around and gave him a gentle shove toward the door. "Now leave me be. I'm sure any other girl would be more than happy to go with you."

"B-but-" Arthur looked over his shoulder at Vilos, his eyes wide.

_"Byeeee,"_ Vilos half-sang and shoved Arthur so hard that he stumbled and nearly hit his head on the sorry excuse for a doorframe.

"Fine, Vilos…that's fine…" Arthur sighed as he parted the curtains. "'ope you 'ave fun with that creepy chap. 'E's probably your _boyfriend _or something…no accounting for taste."

_"Hey,_ he's not-!" Vilos exclaimed in an attempt to object, but Arthur had exited her lair briskly before she could.

Arthur sucked in a breath as he headed back towards his home. He should have expected a dismissal like this. He briefly entertained the prospect of giving up, but he shook his head to rid that thought from his mind.

Vilos deserved better than a life of reaping and subordination to a twisted woman. Arthur wished he could give Mistress Mayhem a piece of his mind! Even if that was practically suicide, especially for a man. Now that he thought of it, Mistress Mayhem had been oddly quiet lately…was she planning to crash the festival with some sort of crazy scheme?

Knowing her, that was more than likely. God damn it, he had to share his worries with _someone!_ He wouldn't be too pleased if Mistress Mayhem ruined the festival when he could have done something about it, especially if she hurt someone!

Arthur made a mental note to go pour his worries all over his closest friend.

But…that could wait until morning. The last time he had tried to wake her up, he nearly got his head torn off.


	8. Rude Awakenings

Apparently Yoto wasn't the only one who was a cuddler.

Eddie had woken up as soon as the first bit of sunlight filled the sky and found himself in a tangle of arms and legs. Yoto's head lolled against Eddie's chest and drool seeped from his mouth and onto Eddie's shirt. Eddie shrieked so loudly that the windows rattled. He untangled himself from Yoto as quickly as he could and in the process wound up flailing himself and all of the covers off the bed with a loud _thump!_

Yoto yawned hugely and sat up after Eddie's little episode woke him up. "Morning, roomie," Yoto opened his sleep-crusted eyes and leaned over to grin at Eddie, who was scowling at him from the floor from a little peephole in the pile of sheets that covered him. "What are you doing down there?"

"Let's just say the position I found myself in when I awoke was less than satisfactory," Eddie pointedly looked away from Yoto's unmasked face and threw the pile of sheets off of himself. "I need to shower. Badly. I'll _never_ rid myself of your filth." He shuddered audibly.

Yoto sighed somberly. "Eddie, why are you so afraid of loving me?"

Eddie responded by throwing a pillow at Yoto's head and stomping off into the bathroom.

"Fine, be that way," Yoto leaned off the bed to gather up all the sheets in his arms. "I'm going back to sleep."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yes, after _so_ long, Doc Patch's search had finally paid off! There she was, Vilos, in the middle of a clearing in the jungle. The moonlight only made her silver hair more radiant as she turned to face him.

"You came back…?" she said softly, her perfectly formed lips barely moving.

"Of _course_ I did, Vilos…" Patch took slow, careful steps forward. His voice was smooth, confident, and stutter-free. "I would have to be a _fool_ to let a woman like you get away!"

"Oh, you're just saying that…" Vilos' glowing eyes cast downwards and she folded her lily white hands over her heart. "No one could _ever_ love a woman like me…"

"_I_ could," Patch said, his voice filled with earnest warmth. He tilted her chin up so her eyes met his. "I've never loved anyone more than I love you."

"But…I don't understand…" Tears shimmered in the corners of Vilos' beautifully-shaped eyes. "Are you…insane?"

"My dearest Vilos…" Doc Patch put his hands on either side of her mask and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "This is the sanest I've ever been."

"Oh, Patch!" Vilos lifted his mask off and tossed it aside. "Kiss me, you fool! Let's not think of tomorrow!"

"I'd thought you'd never ask…" Patch shut his eyes and leaned in…

…and he felt a cold finger press against his lips.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!"

Wait, that voice didn't belong to Vilos…!

Patch was yanked right out of his wonderful dream and found himself staring right at a crooked pair of eyes and a horribly twisted yellow smirk.

"Buy me dinner before you do that, _buddy."_

Patch screamed so loudly that the people eating breakfast downstairs probably thought someone was being murdered. He leapt up to a sitting position and shuffled backwards until he nearly fell right off the edge of the bed. "D-D-Dastardos! That was _rude!"_ He shook off his shock and his bangs shifted to reveal that his eyes were tearing up quite a bit.

"Oh my _GOD!"_ Seedos exclaimed after he had been woken up by Patch's screams. Patch took his tone of voice for one of distress, but Seedos was actually giving Dastardos an amazed, gap-toothed grin.

"Wh-what are you _d-doing_ here?" Patch did his best to sound threatening, but his voice shook like Jell-O and the tears wouldn't stop coming.

"Oh, relax, you big baby," Dastardos snorted and folded his scrawny arms. "Figured I might as well let you guys know that I was okay. I bet you were _soooo_ worried, Patchingo." Dastardos sniffled theatrically and wiped a Cocoadile tear from his eye.

Doc Patch pouted pointedly.

Seedos raised his hand like a know-it-all first grader. _"I _was worried!"

"Wow, Patch, how'd you get stuck rooming with _this_ ugly kid?" Dastardos grinned harshly at Seedos.

"How'd you find us?" Seedos asked with a head-tilt, completely unaffected by Dastardos' little comment.

"Well…" Dastardos flew right through Patch so he could be closer to Seedos.

Doc Patch went completely rigid. His teeth chattered together, and he shook like a Pieena in the Piñarctic as he rapidly pulled his covers up over his chest. The blankets didn't help Patch's situation whatsoever. This had happened to him before, but it was _never_ a pleasant experience. When Dastardos flies through someone, it feels like their body was plunged into ice cold water without warning, and then said water froze solid with them still inside it. It left people cold, shuddering, and feeling _terribly_ violated.

It doesn't feel good _at all._

Dastardos ignored the shivering husk that Patch had become and began enthusiastically explaining how he found their room.

"Apparently, this Arlene lady guards her Inn with a twenty-foot Dragonache at night. I defeated it with one swing, piece of cake. Here's hoping she won't make me pay for it," Dastardos examined his gnarled nails nonchalantly, one corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk. "Saved some pretty blonde girl from its clutches, too. I'm not gonna call her though. She doesn't deserve me."

"Really?" Seedos raised a skeptical brow.

"Nah, not really," Dastardos shook his head. "I could have done that though. I actually just walked up to the desk and asked the lady if there was anyone by the last name of Patchingo or Lizard or Yoa or-"

"You just strode in here? No one freaked out?" Seedos leaned forward a bit in amazement.

"Well, I wasn't floating, but Arlene or whatever her name was looked at me like I had five heads," Dastardos stuck out his lower lip and brought one end of his scarf up to his face. "Women tend to be afraid of me, no matter what universe I'm in. Is it the scarf?"

"It's the _everything,"_ Patch managed to squeak out despite the fact he hadn't quite recovered yet.

Dastardos turned to look at Patch slo-o-o-o-wly and opened his mouth to make a biting remark. Seedos noticed the terrified look on Patch's face and loudly cleared his throat before Dastardos could speak. "Did you figure out what Pester's doing?" he asked.

"No, not yet!" Dastardos whirled back towards Seedos, much to Patch's relief. "I need to find that fat bastard soon…he's our ticket out of here, after all!" Dastardos slammed a fist into his palm. "And before you ask, no, I have _no clue_ what he's planning. I _will _find out as soon as possible, though! I want to go home as much as all of you do."

"Why didn't you t-t-tell us we were going on a trip?" Patch glared at Dastardos' back. "I never would have come if I knew that were the case!"

"That's _exactly_ it," Dastardos huffed. "I couldn't say that because no one would come. And if I mentioned it was an alternate reality we were going to, everyone would think that I finally became Sherbatshit crazy." Dastardos rolled his eyes in two different directions to make a point, and Seedos barely suppressed a giggle. "Why did you even come in the first place, Patchingo? Last time I checked, you _hated_ me, and the feeling is more than mutual."

"I-in case anyone got hurt…" Patch's eyes suddenly became a bit dreamy. "I th-think me coming here was fate, though…now that I think about it, maybe I d-d-don't have too many regrets…"

"Uh…huh," Dastardos turned towards Seedos and jerked a thumb in Patch's direction. "What the hell's with him?"

"You _don't_ wanna know," Seedos said as forebodingly as he possibly could.

Dastardos shot the still-dreamy Patch a nearly frightened-looking glance and said: "Well, it's been nice, but I'm leaving," Dastardos floated towards the door. "Gotta find Pester as soon as I can so we can all haul our asses out of here."

"When will you be back?" Seedos asked, which snapped Patch out of his dreamy state. Patch gave Seedos an odd look. "Um, not that I care about your well-being or anything!" Seedos backpedaled and threw his hands in the air.

"When I find Pester, simple as that!" Dastardos nodded sagely. "I'll need all the backup I can get. Don't worry; there won't be any murder…" He rubbed his mask's misshapen chin in thought and added: "Probably."

"'Probably?'" Patch and Seedos echoed in unison.

"Pester's never killed anyone before," Dastardos shook his head. "Not fully, anyway," he grumbled under his breath.

"Wh-what was that last part?" Patch squinted at Dastardos.

"Nothing, bye!" Dastardos flew right through the door without another word.

"Well, that was odd!" Seedos shrugged and reached beside his bed to get his mask.

"Hey, w-wait!" Patch folded his arms and turned his accusing squint onto Seedos. "Why d-d-didn't you care that D-D-Dastardos saw you with your mask off, b-b-but you cared if I did?"

Seedos burst into raucous laughter as he fixed his mask into place. "OOOOPS, oh man, I totally forgot that I had it off! How embarrassing, silly me!" Seedos smirked right at Patch. "Apparently you didn't mind too much, either, Doctor!"

Doc Patch turned cherry-red as he grabbed his monkey hat from the bedpost it was hanging from. "C-c-cut me some slack, S-Seedos! He scared me, I wasn't thinking!"

"Well, he's gone now, so there's no need for you to be scared!" Seedos' smirk eased up into a smile. "Let's forget him for now; we've got _diem_ to _carpe!_ Maybe we can find something out about Pester ourselves!"

"_Y-y-you_ can if you want…" Patch chewed on his thumbnail. "I'm…through with scary things for today."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Later that day, Percy slumped on a bench in the Village Square. His palms were against his cheeks and he had a comically massive frown on his face.

He hadn't been having too much luck with the fairer sex. After Edith rejected him, he strolled straight up to her mother and asked her to the festival. Mrs. Lizard had burst into uncontrollable laughter that didn't let up until long after Percy had left in a huff.

He had also asked Ursula Maracus, who snorted and proclaimed "I have no time for a little French fry like you!" Whatever _that_ meant.

He asked Patrice, who turned pink as her monkey mask and giggled behind her hand. She said that she already had a date, but she was "very f-f-flattered, thank you!"

He asked Isis during the painting session's dinner break, and she didn't even bother to swallow her mouthful of sandwich before simply saying _"No."_

In a moment of insanity, he asked Floros, who just snorted, shook her head, and walked off. Getting rejected so coldly by a geek like _her_ certainly didn't help his self-esteem.

In his desperation, he had also asked that freaky goth girl Yin just a few minutes before plunking down onto this bench. She just glared at him doubtfully from under her lacy parasol and said: "Okay, how much did Freddie pay you to ask me? I'm highly offended that you would treat me like a joke."

Percy touched her puffy-sleeved shoulder and purred that his intentions were pure. Yin promptly closed her parasol and whacked Percy on the arm with it.

"Somehow, I _really_ doubt that," she scoffed before she turned on her heel and strolled away.

Percy gritted his teeth. What kind of guy couldn't get a _single_ girl to go to a stupid festival with him? He had hoped to be all over his date all night and make Edith jealous. He'd pay for _everything, _that would absolutely guarantee that he'd get lucky…but he couldn't get lucky without a date! Not in a satisfying way, anyway.

"What's with the puss face?" said an Irish accent that Percy recognized.

Percy growled a bit and raised his eyes to look at the source of a voice. Dedos was standing in front of him, his brow furrowed. He was sipping on a straw that was stabbed through a juice box.

"A juice box? _Really,_ Dedos?" Percy's demeanor completely changed. He smirked mockingly and snickered. "What are you, _seven?"_

"You didn't answer my question," Dedos ignored Percy's petty jab and sat on the bench next to him.

"It's none of your business, pipsqueak," Percy folded his arms and pointedly turned away from Dedos.

"Ah," Dedos grinned. "Date trouble, is it?"

Percy made a remarkably unmanly squeaking noise and whipped back towards Dedos. His eyes were bulging with disbelief. "How the hell did you _know_ that?"  
>"I'm perceptive!" Dedos punctuated that statement with a victorious sip of juice. He licked his lips and added: "Not to mention my little sister told me you asked her and about ten thousand other people. It's not nice to lead on girls, you know!"<p>

"Hmph," Percy squinted at Dedos. "Like _you_ have a date."

Dedos sighed. "I asked Doctor Patrice, but she said she's already going with someone."

"Dang it, I asked her too!" Percy slammed a palm into the forehead of his mask. "So, like, _three_ people asked her! Now she's gonna think she's popular with guys and she's going to start wearing low-cut shirts and stuff-wait, that's not a bad thing…" Percy drooled like a Tigermisu who had just found a heaping pile of injured Zumbugs.

"I will _never_ understand how your mind works," Dedos threw his empty juice box into the trash can next to the bench. "Why are you so obsessed with getting a date? There's nothing wrong with going alone."

"I wanna make Edith jealous, okay?" Percy tore at his mask's ears in exasperation. "She had the _nerve_ to say 'no' to me and she's going with that gross guy from another planet or whatever! I need to get back at her!"

"That's _it?"_ Dedos couldn't help laughing. He stopped when Percy roared and grabbed him by the shirt.

"Damn it, Dedos!" Percy hissed, his mask nose-to-nose with Dedos'. "If you tell _anyone,_ I'll kick your ass so damn hard that your intestines will come out of your mouth!"

"Got it…!" Dedos squeaked goobaaishly.

"Good," Percy released Dedos, who promptly scooted as far away from Percy as the bench would allow.

Despite Percy's earlier threat, Dedos positively couldn't resist making another dig at him. "Go ask Beth, that would be funny."

"Are you _crazy?"_ Percy looked at Dedos like he had just asked him to strip naked and run around the Village. "One, she's a creepy old witch, and two, her husband would _kill_ me!"

"And the problem with that _is…?"_ Dedos smirked at Percy, who roared and made a move to punch Dedos square in the nose.

Dedos had expected that and managed to deftly dodge him. "I was just kidding,_ geez!"_

"Fine, then," Percy withdrew his arm and cracked his knuckles. "I won't kick your ass if you help me."

"What do you want me to do?" Dedos had no idea what he was getting himself into, but he wouldn't complain if his ass remained unkicked.

"Talk to your sister," Percy spoke to Dedos slowly, as if he were a small child. "And convince her to go with me."

_"What? _Why Floros? I'm not putting her through that!" Dedos crossed his arms and squinted at Percy.

"Don't worry, Dedos, I'll treat her right!" Percy purred. "I want Edith to see me being nice, taking the sweet little misunderstood nerd to the festival and showing her a good time. I wouldn't _dream_ of doing anything unsavory or mean, I _swear."_

"Somehow, I really doubt that…" Dedos chewed on his lower lip for a few moments. "…what's in it for me?"

"An unbruised ass," Even Percy's voice was smirking.

"…fine," Dedos huffed. "But she'll probably say no, you know!"

"She'll listen to her big brother! Besides, you're 'the brains of the family!'" Percy did a rather poor imitation of Dedos' Irish lilt. "You'll figure _something_ out!"

"Okay, okay, I'll do it," Dedos' brow slid down into a scowl. "But I'll be keeping my eye on you throughout the whole festival. One wrong move, and I won't be too happy."

Percy narrowly resisted the urge to snort. He knew very well that Dedos constantly bragged about being "a pacifist" and wouldn't so much as lay a hand on him. What a wimp. Percy didn't feel threatened in the slightest!

"_Good_ boy!" Percy ruffled Dedos' hair. "Now you run along and talk to her!"

"What, right _now?" _Dedos' eyebrows flew skyward.

"YES, right now!" Percy leapt off the bench and pulled Dedos with him. "The festival's, like, _tomorrow night!_ No frigging time to waste!" He shoved Dedos a little too hard and nearly knocked him over.

"Ow…" Dedos rubbed his back where Percy had shoved him.

"Good luck!" Percy grinned patronizingly at Dedos.

Dedos grumbled as he headed down the Village road towards his sister's home in the swamp. He couldn't say he exactly approved of Floros going _anywhere_ with Percy, but he had no choice. Floros would understand. She'd want her big brother to stay in one piece, right?

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yoto wasn't fully sure what just happened.

All he knew was he was walking down the Village street, aimlessly and innocently, when a skinny, freckled arm came right the hell out of nowhere and yanked him right into a house.

Now, he was standing mask-to-mask with a girl who was about a head shorter than him and looked like she could be his little sister. She was grinning at him eagerly, like a kid who just shouted "Trick or treat!" on Halloween.

Once Yoto recovered from the shock of being forcibly pulled into someone's house against his will, he rubbed his sore shoulder, made a face at the girl, and said "Okay, why-"

He got his answer before he could even finish.

"Oh my God, I thought Percy was lying, he always lies, I hate that bastard, but he said he saw a dude who looked like MY opposite and I know that there are like four or five dudes running around who are from some other universe or something and that's SO AWESOME but I didn't think I'd be able to meet my opposite but I FOUND YOU, hooray!" She giggled, but paused and sniffed the air a few moments later. "You…smell really bad, though." She wrinkled her nose and waved her hand in front of her face as if that would help dispel the odor in the air.

"Yeah, I get that a lot!" Yoto laughed and slicked his horribly tangled hair back with a hand. "So, enough about my odors, you're this universe's me? Hey, I'm Yoto! What's your name? Why didn't I meet you at the paintfest, I met, like, EVERYONE else there!"

"I'm Yoko!" her enthusiasm returned and she practically bounced, her words flowing out of her mouth at top speed. "I wasn't there because I didn't want to deal with Edith; she's a big pain the ass. Also, I was looking for something to wear for the festival tomorrow. I wouldn't care too much, usually, but I want to look good for my boyfriend and all…" Yoto's eyes grew huge. He never heard _anyone_ talk this fast before!

"Wait, SHUSH, WOMAN!" Yoto shouted as he held up a hand. "What's all this about a boyfriend? I'm SO confused right now!"

"Oh!" Yoko's eyes grew dreamy and she folded her hands under her chin. "He's only the most marvelous man whoever flew over the face of the Island!"

"What," Yoto backed up a step, his face paling.

"His name is Hearos!" Yoko giggled behind her hand, her laughter as bubbly as a carbonated drink. "He's the local superhero. Lucky me, huh? …why do you look like you're gonna throw up, don't do it all over _me!"_ She wrinkled her nose again and shuffled backwards, her hands in the air defensively as if to block a sudden projectile vomitous onslaught.

"You're…_dating…_Storkos with a penis?" Yoto's face contorted with confusion. He wasn't sure how he felt.

On one hand, his female self was dating the male version of the girl of his dreams. That was _wonderful_, if Yoko could date this Hearos, he could date Storkos, right?

But on the other hand, Yoto really, REALLY didn't like the idea of Storkos with a penis, even if it was a completely separate person. It wasn't a…comfortable idea.

"Who's Storkos…?" Yoko's face fell. She had expected her male self to be cooler…not a huge freaking spaz!

"This!" Yoto whooshed his Alert System out of one of his alarmingly deep pockets and messed with it for a few moments. "This is Storkos!" He shoved the Alert System screen right into Yoko's stunned face.

The only photo Yoto had of Storkos was also the only flattering photo he had in his Alert System. He had discreetly taken it when he had the immense privilege to be seated next to her at the judging table during a P-Factor round. She was leaning forward with interest, her aqua eyes shimmering and a wide smile on her full lips. Yoto would have made this his Alert System background, but he knew people would wind up seeing it and he'd just _die._ His Uncle Bart yelling at him with his mouth full of pancakes would make a good wallpaper for now.

_"That's_ Hearos as a girl?" Yoko's mouth curled up into a tiny smirk. "She's pretty, but she's gonna take someone's eye out with those boobs."

"I _know,_ isn't she awesome?" Yoto affectionately hugged the Alert System to his chest. "Much better than your boyfriend and his _penis,_ I bet!"

Yoko frowned severely and was just about to say something else when there was a firm series of knocks on the door.

"Oops, gotta get that!" Yoko let Yoto's comment go and scooched by him to get to the door. She swung it open and grinned like a fool. "Arthur!"

"Who now?" Yoto peeked around her and saw an alarmingly tall purple masked man. The pointy ears on the mask and his dark hair instantly reminded Yoto of Avalon.

"'Ello, Yoko!" Arthur stepped inside and his brows rose up when he saw Yoto. "Didn't know you 'ad…nearly identical company."

"Oh, we're not _that_ identical!" Yoko waved Arthur off. "And it's no biggie! Whaddaya need?"

"Actually, I need to discuss a matter of grave importance with yew," Arthur's tone became alarmingly serious and Yoto promptly sucked in a gasp.

"Oh man, it is about a villain or something?" Yoto grinned like a fool at Arthur. If he had a lead on Pester, Yoto could tell the guys, kick butt, go home, and brag about their victory! And perhaps win the heart of a certain bringer of justice…

Arthur's brows travelled even further up his mask. "Actually…yes, yes it is."

Yoto had to bite his fingers to stifle a small squeal of glee.

"Yoko, Mistress Mayhem 'as been _really_ quiet lately, and it's starting to worry me…" Arthur rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he paced about the room. "I think she might be planning to attack the night of the festival. No clue wot she's planning, but yew can never be too careful, right?"

"Oooh," Yoto breathed, his green eyes glimmering with interest. Was she a _female_ Pester? Would Storkos think less of him if he defeated a female villain, especially with a bit of violence…? Probably not.

"Oh God, I am _not_ gonna let her ruin one of the only nights I have Hearos entirely to myself!" Yoko threw up her hands in exasperation.

"I thought yew would feel that way," Arthur smirked at her. "I need yew to tinker me up a weapon. Something small, something that I can stick into my boot and grab when I need it."

"Can do!" Yoko saluted and rushed off towards a set of kitchen counters. She began rapidly opening and shutting cabinets and drawers as she searched for something to use as a base for her Tinkering.

"Wait, you can Tinker _weapons?"_ Yoto's eyes grew wide. "I didn't know that!"

"You must be newer to Tinkering than I am," Yoko sniggered as she rummaged through a drawer. "You can make swords out of sticks and stuff like that! No guns though, guns are illegal on Piñata Island and Auntie Beth would get _mad _if I made one! It's hard to make weapons, but I can do it! Especially if it's for a good cause!" With a triumphant "AH-HA!" she drew a ruler from the drawer and held it up like it was a sword of legend.

"I'll make you a little bayonet out of this, Arthur," she grinned as she skipped back over to Arthur and Yoto. "Sheath and all, so it won't hurt your ankle or anything. Should be sharp enough to stab that bitch, or at least intimidate her!" She dropped the ruler on the table and cracked her knuckles.

"Awesome!" Yoto exclaimed and rushed to the tableside.

Arthur ambled over too. "Thanks _so_ much, Yoko-" She stuck a hand close to his face.

"SHUSH, I need to concentrate!" Her tongue poked out of her mouth as she began to wave her hands over the ruler, which was promptly enveloped in an exceptionally bright blue light. Yoto cocked a brow; her Tinkering magic was the same color as his. And Uncle Bart had told him that no two Tinkers have the exact same color magic…

After a few tense, silent minutes, a huge burst of energy came from the light and nearly knocked the Tinker and her two observers right off their feet.

"Voila!" Yoko grinned once she righted herself and grabbed the tiny bayonet off of the table. "It is done!"

"Bloody 'ell, Yoko, that was _impressive!"_ Arthur took the bayonet from her and slid it out of its sheath. It glimmered in the light and it was alarmingly sharp, which made Arthur grin. "This will work very, _very_ well!" He slipped it back into the sheath and promptly hid it inside his right boot. "'Ow much do I owe yew?"

"Justice is always free!" Yoko pumped a fist into the air. "I hope you won't have to use it, though. Mistress Mayhem ruins _everything."_ She pouted at the memory of the last P-Factor round Mistress Mayhem was a part of. She threw one hell of a temper tantrum when she didn't win and knocked over some stage lights, which crushed the competition's piñatas into an explosion of candy and confetti.

"Hey," Yoto sat down onto one of the dining chairs, making it clear that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "I want to know more about this Mistress Mayhem bitch. I want to take her on, too!"

"Really…" Arthur chuckled. "Well…yew won't once I'm done telling yew about 'er." He sat down across from Yoto, and Yoko shrugged and promptly jumped into a chair of her own.

Yoto looked at Arthur like a four year old about to be told a bedtime story.

"Once I found her going through my underwear drawer…" Arthur cringed at the memory.

"Oh man!" Yoko giggled. "You're gonna like this one, Yoto, it's _good."_


	9. The Festival

The next morning, a pale pink dawn rose over Piñata Island. All of the piñatas were rising and coming out of their homes, whether they lived in the wilderness or in gardens. The Village was already awake and abuzz with excitement about the coming festival. Even the piñata seemed to want to join in the joyous din; a Candary chirped a merry tune high on its perch on a twisted tree that was right on the edge of the desert.

"I wish I had a gun," Vilos squinted at the merry bird on top of her house.

"You and me both, sister," Dastardos glared up at the loathsome yellow piñata.

After a failed search of the volcanic lair of Mistress Mayhem turned up no sign of Pester, Dastardos had headed to Vilos' house to check on Magnar. The two reapers had spent the last few hours of the night together, swapping stories and talking about how stupid they thought the festival was.

Now they were both across from each other on the desert sand yet again. Vilos sat pretzel-legged and she looked away from the Candary, her brow furrowed pensively.

"Thinking about a way to kill it?" Dastardos asked. He was lying on his back and looking at Vilos upside down. Vilos thought he looked like a lazy fool, but she didn't dare to tell him. It wasn't worth a scolding smack in the leg. Vilos didn't enjoy even the slightest bit of pain.

"No, but I did get another idea…" Vilos uncrossed her legs and floated to her feet. "Might as well make the stupid festival miserable for everyone else!" She threw her head back and laughed.

"Where the hell did _that_ idea come from?" Dastardos narrowed his eyes at Vilos as she gave a sharp, loud whistle.

"I was just thinking…" Vilos put her hands behind her back. "I hate Mistress Mayhem and all, but the lack of chaos in town has got me _really_ bored. Might as well spice things up, right?"

A heavy, sour smell filled the brisk morning air as four Sour Smelbas came crawling out from behind Vilos' house.

"These ought to ruin the romantic mood, don't you think?" she smirked at Dastardos and beckoned towards the Smelbas. They skittered right up to Vilos and jumped into her hair.

"You're carrying them in your HAIR?" Dastardos bolted upward and gave Vilos a disbelieving look as he turned himself around.

"It's a good means of transport, and no one sees them coming!" Vilos snickered as she fluffed her mane to make sure the piñatas were completely obscured.

"You won't be smelling too pretty for the next few days," Dastardos wrinkled his nose up. He's spent the last ten years with many sour Smelbas coming in and out of his tree, but he never could seem to get used to that smell.

"Pfft," Vilos rolled her eyes. "Who the hell am I trying to impress?" She crooked her slender finger towards Dastardos this time. "Come on; let's hide these guys in town. I'll tell them to jump out at night and do what they do best!"

"Whatever you say!" Dastardos kicked himself off the ground and began to float to Vilos' side, but he stopped in his tracks when a dark tune started to come from Vilos' pocket.

"God damn it, who is this?" Vilos shoved her hand in her pocket to grab the Alert System, her fingers brushing against the foil-wrapped Romance Candy. Why the hell was she still carrying that around? Ugh, she had more important things to worry about than some dumb sweet.

Vilos looked at the caller ID and her lips parted with mild surprise when she saw who it was.

Dastardos opened his mouth to ask who it was, but Vilos sharply shushed him and flipped open her Alert System and rested it against her ear in one rapid swish. Before she could even say "hello?" her ear was ravaged by a loud "DAAAAAAAAR-LIIIIIIIING~!"

"Mistress!" Vilos' expression darkened despite the light tone her voice took. She leaned up against her gnarled tree and dug the nails of her free hand into the trunk. "Do you need something?"

One of the Sour Smelbas felt Vilos tense up and poked its head out of her hair and gazed up at her with curious acid-green eyes. She glared at it and it promptly retreated back into her hair with a squeak.

"Yes, I do, dear!" Mistress Mayhem giggled and Vilos shuddered with revulsion. She _hated_ that giggle. It sounded like a Kittyfloss being strangled. "I need _you!"_

"For what?" Vilos barely hid the dread in her voice. She didn't like the idea of being under Mistress Mayhem's control again; although she missed causing chaos, she didn't miss her boss at all!

"I made a new friend," Mistress Mayhem purred. "And we've been working on one hell of a project for these past few weeks! I need you to help us prepare…and to tidy up the lair a bit. It's fallen into quite a state of disarray! But that's no problem for you, right, sweetiekins? I know how you like to be a busy little Buzzlegum!" She punctuated that statement with another one of her horrible giggling fits.

"Oh, I'll _gladly_ help!" Vilos gushed, but she made eye contact with Dastardos and pretended to gag herself to prove that she was lying through her teeth. "But Mistress, where on Earth _are_ you? I've been inside your lair several times searching for you, and I have no clue where you could be!"  
>"I'm in my special, secret lair where I work on special projects!" Even Mistress Mayhem's voice was grinning. "It's the one that's hidden behind the waterfall on the edge of the jungle. You might know it better as the place where we became <em>beautiful! <em>I'm sure you can find it just fine, hon!"

Vilos resisted the urge to sigh. She really didn't like the idea of going back to the place where she was soured, but she didn't have much of a choice. "Yes…I know where that is, Mistress."

"Terrific!" Mistress Mayhem exclaimed. "Oh, and one more thing, dear!"

"What is that?" Vilos blinked.

"Bring your new little friend with you. His boss misses him _very_ much and I think he would be of good use to us!" Mistress Mayhem cooed. "See you shortly, dear! Have a _splendid_ day!" She hung up without waiting for Vilos to say a goodbye…not that she wanted to in the first place.

"Ugh…did you hear all of that?" Vilos squinted at Dastardos as she pocketed her Alert System.

"How could I not?" Dastardos made a face right back at her. "I'm sure the entire Village could have heard that woman, even over Alert. Cripes, she's noisier than Pester!" Dastardos slouched when he mentioned his boss's name. "Seeing _him_ again is gonna be a headache…"

"I thought you came here _to_ find him," Vilos' eyebrows shot up. "Now you're changing your mind?"

"No, I thought he was plotting against me…" Dastardos' expression fell. "He still might be…Vilos!" He lunged forward and grabbed his female counterpart by her shoulders. "I brought some guys with me for backup. I need to go find them and let them know where we're going to be!"

"We can't storm the lair!" Vilos' eyes widened. "Do you know what Mistress Mayhem would _do_ to me?"

"Pfft, we wouldn't be able to. I don't think I'd be able to tear them away from the stupid festival anyway. I'll tell them to lie in wait and I'll alert them if we need them. You can blame me and say it was all my idea," Dastardos released Vilos and rubbed his chin pensively. "First I'll need their numbers…"

"That's a stupid plan…" Vilos glared icily at him.

"It's the best one I have!" Dastardos shoved her shoulder. "You head on over, I'll be there shortly." He began to float off with his head held high, determined to spread the news.

"What if they try to kill _me?"_ Vilos jabbed, even if she wasn't taking Dastardos' radical idea too seriously.

"No great loss," Dastardos smirked over his shoulder at her before high-tailing it out of there as fast as he could.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Mistress Mayhem placed her Alert System down on a table and smirked at Professor Pester.

"Well, that's that," she steepled her sharp-nailed fingers. "You're going to _love_ Vilos, such a sweet, obedient little girl. And so _pretty,_ too! But don't you _dare_ lay a finger on her!" Mistress Mayhem warned as she poked Professor Pester in his tattooed chest.

Professor Pester wasn't too sure anything that had the slightest resemblance to Dastardos could be pretty, but he knew better than to oppose Mistress Mayhem. Last time he had tried, she had hit _him_ in the head with the shovel she usually used on Vilos. Pester's mask had a huge crack in the forehead as a souvenir of that little incident.

"Good, good," Pester's eyes narrowed to glowing green slits. "Did you tell the Ruffians to put the _you-know-whats_ all over town last night?"

"I sure did," Mistress Mayhem giggled noisily, snorting twice throughout. "They're all invisible ones, too! Aren't I clever?"

"Yes, as long as those dimwitted Ruffians didn't _lose_ them!" Pester barked and Mistress Mayhem's knee-jerk reaction was to slap him across his mask.

"Ow…" Pester slouched as he cupped his cheek with a meaty hand.

"Don't. Question. My. _Methods!"_ Mistress Mayhem punctuated each word with a sharp poke in Pester's chest. Much to Pester's relief, she turned on her stiletto heel and threw her arms to the sides. "Look at our beautiful creation, Pester!" She sighed fondly at she gazed at the machine in front of them. "This is going to be the best evil plan _either _of us have ever done!"

"I think you're right, Mistress!" Professor Pester tentatively walked to her side as he examined the enormous mechanism they had spent the last few weeks toiling over.

"I'm _always_ right," she purred before bursting into loud, cackling laughter.

It was positively infectious, and Pester couldn't help joining in.

_There was nothing like sinking to new lows in evil._

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yoto was up bright and early, watching casually from a bench as the local men (and Isis) dragged several festival stalls out of the P-Factor Hall and into the village square.

_Guess one good thing about Edith liking me is she doesn't bug me to help out. _He snickered to himself before taking a humungous slurp from the cookie milkshake that he had bought from Arlene's Inn that morning.

"Hey, buddy-" Dastardos glided next to Yoto right the hell out of nowhere, causing the redhead to shriek and cough and choke on his mouthful of milkshake.

Dastardos' mouth stretched into an irritated thin line as he waited for Yoto to finish his choking fit.

"Cripes," Dastardos grumbled when Yoto's violent gags had devolved into tiny little coughs. "Whenever I greet someone, they either scream or choke like you did. Am I _that_ ugly?"

"Yeh_-HACK-_ess!" Yoto affirmed around a cough. Dastardos finally had enough and whacked Yoto on the back.

_"Ow…!"_ Yoto hissed through bared teeth, rubbing where Dastardos had hit him.

"Better? Can you listen to me now?" Dastardos turned his eyes away from Yoto, momentarily distracted by the fact that someone walking by was trying not to stare at him.

"Yup…" Yoto's voice was a bit hoarse. "Whaddaya want?"

"I need to tell you something _important,_ so don't forget it!" Dastardos leaned closer to Yoto and glared at him to make sure his words got drilled into his head. Yoto nodded and, in mere moments, he had his Alert System out and open to a notetaking tool.

"Why are you trusting _me?"_ Yoto blinked at Dastardos and cocked his head to the side.

"You have a big mouth, you'll get the word out to the others," Dastardos waved Yoto off as if he were a particularly bad smell. "Plus don't you want to fight for justice or some shit like that?"

Yoto suddenly lit up and scooted closer to Dastardos. "I'm listening~!" Yoto's formerly hoarse voice had regained its usual irritating chipperness.

Dastardos pointedly scooted away from Yoto until he was practically falling off of the bench. He looked around briefly and lowered his voice so only Yoto could hear. "Okay, Pester just contacted me, and he said that he and Mistress Mayhem are working on something in their secret lair behind the waterfall."

Yoto gasped so hard he almost inhaled the tree that shaded the bench. "There's more than one secret villain lair?" he said as he typed away on his Alert System, the incessant _beep-beep-beep_ of the buttons assaulting Dastardos' ears. "Are there lots of them back home, too?"

"Just the two," Dastardos lied. There was a third one somewhere deep in the jungle, but it didn't see much use.

"Which waterfall is this?" Yoto stopped typing momentarily to give Dastardos a questioning look.

"The one on the edge of the jungle, not too far from Egg Mountain," Dastardos explained.

"Oh, I know where _that_ is…!" Yoto grinned as he typed away.

"…I bet you do. Anyway, just go through the waterfall and you're pretty much in. There's another way in that isn't quite so…wet, but it's pretty complicated. I doubt you could figure it out, what with your brain being the size of a Candary's eye and all," Dastardos shook his head.

"Brain…the size…of Candary eye…" Yoto muttered to himself as he copied down Dastardos' words into his Alert System.

Dastardos reached into his pocket and retrieved his own Alert System. "I have _no clue_ what Pester has in mind, but I'm going to need your number so I can call you if I need you."

"I'll come if I _think _you'll need me!" Yoto puffed out his chest. "I could kick both of their asses into next week and save the day!"

"I bet you could…!" Dastardos smiled mockingly at Yoto, his voice patronizing. He figured it would be no great loss if Yoto was killed in action. "How about that number?"

Dastardos copied Yoto's number down into his Alert System, but he refused to give Yoto his. Yoto had somehow acquired Pester's Alert number, and he bothered him with incessant prank calls at least five times a week. Dastardos didn't want the same fate.

"Make _sure_ you tell the guys we came here with about all of that!" Dastardos warned as he rose up off the bench.

Yoto saluted with a goofy grin on his face. "I will! Like you said, I have a big mouth!"

Dastardos shook his head as he floated off in the general direction of the secret waterfall lair. His life (or what was left of it, anyway) might be on the line, and he had backup in the form of a stupid ginger, a stuttering doctor, a purple-haired pansy, his dorky little brother, and some cold bitch he had just met a couple of days ago.

Needless to say, Dastardos wasn't feeling too confident about what was to come.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

In the late afternoon, the festival was finally in full swing.

The streets were crowded with all of the locals along with several unfamiliar masks who had come to visit the town just for the festival. Most of the festival-goers moved in pairs, holding hands or linking arms.

Arlene ran a food and drink stand, gushing over how cute all of the couples were and how happy she was to have new visitors to their tiny little village. Max ran a game stand that he promised wasn't rigged whatsoever and Luthor was pushing his wares onto anyone that walked by. There were many other stands; among them were several more game kiosks, a petite woman from another Village selling flowers, and a booth where Beth was offering tinkering services and selling food she created.

Floros looked positively miserable as she walked next to Percy. Dedos had tried to convince her to go with Percy for four hours before he had to drop to his knees and beg her so he could keep his eyes unblackened, and she finally-and begrudgingly- agreed.

"So, uh, Floros," Percy slipped an arm around her skinny shoulders. She bristled at his touch, but didn't object. "You ever knock boots with anyone?"

Floros wrinkled the tiny little nose of her mask at Percy. "I don't even _own_ boots."

Percy heaved a heavy sigh. This girl was no fun! He couldn't even get her flustered!

Edith passed by with her arm in Yoto's and Percy jumped and pulled Floros even closer.

"Come on, Floros, I'll buy you _whatever_ you want!" he said obnoxiously loudly, making sure Edith would hear. He turned to look at her, but she kept walking along, not even batting an eyelash. Percy growled to himself.

"I don't want anything," Floros wrestled herself out of Percy's arms.

"Good, because I lied," Percy grumbled and grabbed Floros by the wrist, pulling her along with him.

Neither Seedos nor Patch was too big on the idea of wandering through the crowd alone, so they wound up in each other's company. The two of them had somehow managed to snag a bench and were chatting away…or rather, Patch was.

"I wish I knew where she was…" Patch sighed, the eyes of his monkey mask drooping sorrowfully. "You should have seen h-her, Seedos. She was an absolute vision and she looked like she n-needed help…I wish I c-c-could have given it to her…"

Seedos sighed and slouched in his seat. Patch had been going on about this girl for AGES. Didn't he have another topic to talk about?

Not to mention this girl that Patch was describing sounded like a female version of Dastardos, which was a whole new level of disturbing.

Seedos told Patch exactly that and Patch's face flushed deep dark red.

"Sh-she's _very_ d-d-different!" Patch shook his head profusely. "She's _beautiful_ and mysterious…and Dastardos is…" Patch bit his lip as he tried to find the right word. "Dastardos is…Dastardos."

Female version of his arch-nemesis or not, Vilos had haunted Patch's mind non-stop since he laid eyes on her, and it certainly wasn't the bad, brain-clawing haunting that Dastardos caused. Vilos' image was much more pleasant than the twisted visage of Dastardos' person; Patch had quite a hard time believing that they were one and the same.

He really hoped that he could meet her again before he left, which would be soon. Yoto had told him that Dastardos had finally found Pester and that hopefully the problem with him would be dealt with as soon as possible. No matter what the circumstances were, Patch wished with all his heart that he could catch one more fleeting glimpse of Vilos.

Love at first sight might be a foolish thing, but Patch didn't care. There was no way that the warm pangs he felt in his heart whenever he thought of the female reaper could be anything else but love.

This was IT. He was going to DO IT.

Tanamo peeked around the corner of a booth and gazed at the tallest person in the crowd. She was talking with Freddie with her hands behind her back.

Tanamo furrowed his brow. _Damn her scarf…I can't see her expression from here! What if she likes HIM? Ugh, she'd snap his twiggy little pelvis in HALF if they-_

Tanamo shook his shaggy head around to rid himself of that mental image. He took the deepest breath he ever took in his life, and let it out slowly.

_Isis DESERVES an awesome dude like you, Tanamo,_ he told himself. _Just walk right up to her and tell her how you feel!_

Tanamo's short little legs wouldn't do as they were told. They simply shook like Jell-O as he looked at Isis' towering, Amazonian figure. Would she go out with a shorty? Tanamo had heard too many girls say how "awkward" it would be to go out with a guy who was shorter than they were, and Tanamo only came up to just above Isis' belly button!

_Only one way to find out…_

Tanamo gulped and took one step forward, then two, and the next thing he knew he was making a buzzlegumline towards Isis.

When Tanamo got closer, he learned that Freddie was doing most of the talking. "…and THEN I said, 'there aren't ANY postage stamps with your face on it, Jardiniera!' And she gave me the scariest glare EVER, and went 'WELL THEN, MAKE SOME.' So I-" Freddie stopped his spiel short when Isis turned her dark eyes towards Tanamo.

"I-I-Isis, can I talk to you?" Tanamo grabbed onto his poncho and clenched his hands into fists. "It's…it's really important."

"Of course you can," Isis smiled behind her scarf and she turned to look at Freddie. "Sorry, Freddie, you can continue with that…riveting story later."

"Fine, see you later, Isis," Freddie shoved his hands in his pockets and shot Tanamo a brief glare before he slunk off.

"What do you need?" Isis looked down at Tanamo, her eyes inquisitive.

"I-I…well…I was wondering…do you…" Tanamo's legs were slowly turning into overcooked noodles.

"Yes?" Isis' brows rose as if she were eager to hear what Tanamo had to say.

"I…I…well…" Tanamo gulped. "I…_I'vegottagodosomething!"_ Tanamo whirled around and bolted away from Isis as fast as he could. Damn it, he KNEW that wouldn't end well!

Isis chuckled and shook her head as she watched him go. _He always acts so tough…never expected him to get nervous! What a cute little guy._

Hearos had actually managed to knock over the stack of bottles in Max's booth, causing Max's jaw to drop right to the ground and stare at him.

"But…but it's…!" Max was at a loss for words, his dark eyes flicking back and forth between the scattered bottles and Hearos' triumphant face.

"I don't care what it is; please give me a prize for my lady!" Hearos smiled broadly at Yoko, who giggled and swooned.

Max grudgingly handed them a large plush Pengum that was as big as Hearos' torso. He promptly handed it to Yoko and she hugged it gratefully.

"You're the _best,_ Hearos!" she gushed as she smiled up at her boyfriend. "I really missed seeing you, you know. I'm so glad Langstina gave you the day off."

"As am I, Yoko! Every moment I'm with you is absolutely amazing!" Not even caring about the crowd around them, Hearos leaned down and kissed Yoko right on the mouth.

Max just stood there with a look of disgust on his mask as Hearos and Yoko spent more than a good minute smooching in front of his booth.

Once that minute turned into five, Max banged his fist on the counter. Hearos and Yoko jumped apart and looked at him goobaaishly.

"Get a room if you're going to do that," Max squinted at Hearos, who blushed and moved his mask back to its rightful place.

"You're just jealous, Max," Yoko stuck her tongue out at the short man as she shifted the plush Pengum under one skinny arm and slipped her other arm into Hearos' thick one.

"Am _not!"_ Max shouted after them, but they were already well on their way, giggling like the lovesick fools they were.

Arthur's eyes narrowed as Yoko and Hearos walked by, having a play-argument about which one of them was more attractive. They were cute and all, but they were a bit _too_ into one another…he was more than delighted that Yoko was happy, especially since she had chased after Hearos for so long, but someone would need a stomach of steel to be able to stand looking at them together for more than two seconds.

He had bigger things to worry about besides all of the sappy couples surrounding him. He was still concerned about what on Earth Mistress Mayhem was going to do, if she did anything at all. The tiny blade concealed in his boot gave him a bit more confidence, but it really wasn't much. He needed to get his mind off of things…and in his experiences, booze was a sure-fire way to do that.

"'Ey, Arlene," Arthur patted the counter of the innkeeper's stand. "Give me the strongest thing yew have."

"Coming right up, sweetie!" Arlene smiled and promptly poured light brown and white liquids into a glass and began to mix them together.

"Make it two!" Tanamo demanded as he suddenly popped up next to Arthur.

"Okie dokie…" Arlene bit her lip as she grabbed another glass. "You two okay? People only ever order the strongest drink on the menu when something's bothering them."

Tanamo and Arthur shared a brief glance, but said nothing.

"Money trouble? Love trouble?" Arlene guessed as she placed the drinks down in front of the two young men.

Arthur remained silent and took a deep drink from his glass, but Tanamo nodded vigorously. "The second one!" He sighed hugely before taking a tiny sip from his glass and continuing. "I _can't_ talk to Isis. She's…she's too good for me."

"Oh, don't say that, cutie," Arlene frowned. "You two would be great together!"

"I bet you say that to everyone…" Tanamo grumbled. Arlene looked around nervously. She knew how Tanamo was; if she got him angry, he'd pitch an enormous fit and cause a scene! Her nervous, flitting eyes eventually settled on Arthur's now-empty glass.

"Want another one, hon?" she asked, eager to change the topic.

"Keep them coming, Arlene," Arthur leaned on the counter. He could afford to drown his sorrows.

Eddie was sitting at a picnic table next to Patrice, both of them enjoying cones of soft serve ice cream. Patrice wasn't too elegant of an eater, but Eddie didn't really mind. He wasn't even sure there _was_ an elegant way to eat ice cream.

"Oops, Patrice, you've got some on your nose," Eddie chuckled as he reached out a napkin. He wiped the fleck of pink off of Patrice's tiny button nose and she promptly turned the same color as her ice cream.

"Th-thank you!" She giggled and turned her attention back to her ice cream.

Patrice wasn't much of a talker; whenever Eddie spoke to her she'd devolve into blushing and stuttering. She was worse than Patch in a way; Eddie could at least carry on a conversation with him. Eddie couldn't fault her, though. A lady this shy probably didn't go on too many dates, and she did seem honestly grateful for his company. Eddie knew he'd never see her again once he went back home, so it was probably best that he didn't get too attached.

_Glad the festival's going nicely, at least,_ Eddie thought to himself as he licked his crazy vanilla ice cream. _I had a bad feeling earlier, but now I guess there's no need for one._

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

All of the fun of the festival caused the day to speed by amazingly quickly, and darkness was already beginning to fall. Yoto and Edith had taken a spot on a hill that overlooked the Village as they waited for the fireworks to begin. Yoto had a funnel cake in his lap, and he was eating it hungrily and messily, powdered sugar all around his mouth.

Edith's eyes were on a more serene picture; the twinkling stars that were just beginning to appear in the dark sky. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yoto…I need to tell you something. It's been bothering me for quite a while, and I'd like to get it off my chest…" She sighed softly.

"Sure, what?" Yoto said around a mouthful of funnel cake.

"You've met, Yoko, right?" Edith finally looked at Yoto with a gaze so serious that Yoto paused with another forkful of funnel cake heading towards his open mouth.

"Yeah, she seems pretty cool…" Yoto placed his fork onto the plate, a bit disappointed that Edith had to choose now to have a serious conversation. He had food to inhale!

"Yes, well…I liked her…" Edith sighed again and averted her eyes from Yoto. She seemed ashamed to admit this.

"'Liked?' Did you get into a fight or something?" Yoto squinted at her and tilted his head to the side like an inquisitive Parrybo.

"No, I mean _liked,"_ Edith bit her lip. "Until Hearos came along…I wanted her to be my girlfriend."

Yoto was glad his mouth wasn't full, or else he would have spat a torrent of powdered sugar, cake, and strawberries all over Edith's sullen face.

_"WHAT?"_ Yoto gaped at Edith like she had just torn her torso open and sent her guts tumbling out into a slimy heap on the grass.

"Mmm-hmm…" Edith looked positively mournful. "She was a challenge; always questioning my authority and playing jokes on me. No one _ever_ had the guts to oppose me like that…and I _loved _it!" She chuckled at those happy memories. "I told her how I felt shortly before she began dating Hearos, and she…she barely spoke to me ever again after that." Her sorrowful demeanor was back, and Yoto could see that she was ready to cry. What did he do to deserve this sob story?

"What does this have to do with me?" Yoto gestured to himself with a sugar-dusted hand.

"It has _everything_ to do with you!" Edith scooted closer to him. "You're Yoko from another universe!"

"True…" Yoto couldn't exactly deny that.

"What are the odds that someone who's almost _exactly_ like the woman I love would come from another universe and meet me? Absolutely none…and yet, here we are…" Edith took Yoto's hand and gazed into his eyes. "I think this is fate, Yoto. We're meant to be together."

Yoto was too dumbstruck to say or do anything, so he could do nothing but sit there like an idiot. Edith interpreted his reaction as positive, wrapped her arms around Yoto, and pulled him closer.

Edith kissed him. Not just a peck on the lips either, she kissed Yoto with all of the passion that she wished she could have given to Yoko.

It took quite a bit of time for Yoto to snap out of his trance, and when he finally did, the most horrible thought entered his head.

_THIS GIRL STOLE HIS FIRST KISS._

All of those fantasies of having his first kiss with Storkos shattered into several itty-bitty pieces and so did his heart. In a moment of panic, Yoto shoved Edith off of him roughly.

"Yoto? What are you-" Edith looked horrified.

"You're CRAZY! I can't _believe_ you did that!" Yoto actually sobbed and ran away as fast as he could, tears streaming down his cheeks from underneath his mask.

His funnel cake lay on the ground, forgotten, and Edith gazed after him despondently as the sky started to erupt into fireworks.

"A for effort, Edith…" she sighed to herself as she stood up and headed back towards the festival grounds, dragging her feet all the way.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Little did any of the festivalgoers know, Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester were hiding on the outskirts of town, the Mayhem-mobile and a small gathering of Ruffians behind them. They had left Vilos and Dastardos at their lair to make preparations and had gone out to do the dirty work themselves. Both villains were wearing gas masks and each of them had a hand placed on the handle of the same large detonator.

As soon as the fireworks started, Mistress Mayhem shouted "NOW!" and the two of them slammed the detonator down.

Everyone in town was too focused on the fireworks to see or hear the hidden invisible Loathers explode and release a torrent of thick gas.

Patch was starting to feel a little woozy. He didn't know if it was the crowd or all of the noise the fireworks were making that was causing it, but he felt ready to pass out.

"Seedos…?" he slurred and he looked at the boy on the bench beside him. Seedos had fallen asleep…what? He was awake a few minutes ago! No way could he have fallen asleep with those loud fireworks, and he didn't have a history of narcolepsy…

Patch would worry about Seedos later. He drew his knees up to his chest as if that would help him get rid of his wooziness. It didn't help at all, and before Patch knew it, everything went black.

One by one, each Villager began to feel the effects of the Loathers' gas. Patrice and Eddie slumped into each other, Edith passed out right in the middle of the road, Tanamo and Arthur were slumped over Arlene's bar, and Dedos, Percy, and Floros had passed out in a heap right in the middle of an argument they were having.

Gavin, with his strong constitution, was the last one to succumb to the gas. Before he did, he picked up his wife and attempted to get her somewhere safe, but he barely made five steps before falling over.

"Okay, they're out!" Mistress Mayhem grinned with delight beneath her gas mask. "Let's move, Professor Pester!"

The two villains high fived and laughed victoriously. They leapt out of their hiding place along with Mistress Mayhem's Ruffians and began doing what they came to do.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Once Yoto had gotten himself horribly deep into the jungle, a realization that was almost as horrifying as the last one hit him.

He had left his funnel cake on the ground and he was still hungry.

"Damn it…!" Yoto gritted his teeth and kicked a poor, innocent tree. "Hope that crazy bitch isn't still there!" He turned on his heel and began to run back toward the place where his first kiss was horribly taken from him.

Once Yoto made it back, the gas had mostly dispersed and Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester were well into what they were doing.

"Hey!" Mistress Mayhem stepped on the unconscious Percy's chest as she rushed over to Pester, who had Eddie Lizard draped over his shoulder. "Let _me_ carry that one!"

"Eugh, fine," Pester unceremoniously dumped Eddie into Mistress Mayhem's eager arms. "Nothing but bad memories attached to _this_ one, anyway. He deserves what's coming to him."

"Aw, I don't know…" Mistress Mayhem stroked Eddie's cheek with her thumb. "I might offer this one my hand in marriage instead."

Pester gagged loudly. "You have _horrible_ taste!" To take his mind off of Mistress Mayhem's revolting statement, he turned to a Ruffian that was carrying Beth over her head. "Yes, good, bring her along. She can _watch."_ Pester cackled as he surveyed the area in search of someone else to add to the ever-growing heap in the cage.

"I like that idea…" Mistress Mayhem smirked. "Let's gather ourselves up an audience as well!"

Yoto gasped and hid out of sight as soon as he saw the villains, his hunger completely desisting once he saw what was going on. They were carrying most of the people in town to a cage in Mistress Mayhem's enormous car, and they had somehow managed to knock all of them out! Whatever they were doing, Yoto _had_ to stop them…

_Thanks for smooching me, Edith,_ Yoto scowled with determination. _If you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have run away, and I wouldn't be able to save the day!_ He didn't see Dastardos or any chick that looked like him with the villains…were they okay?

That didn't matter right now. Yoto knew where their super secret lair was, he _had_ to get in and put a stop to…whatever this was!

_If only I had a weapon…_ Yoto pondered and pursed his lips together in thought. His memory of Yoko so effortlessly crafting a small knife out of a ruler popped into his head. He also remembered that she told him it was possible to make swords out of sticks. The jungle certainly had an ample supply of those…

Yoto took off into the jungle again as fast as his legs would carry him. He hoped he could do this! He couldn't let something horrible happen to all those people; he'd _never_ forgive himself! Not to mention he'd never get home and he'd never see Storkos again!

Storkos…thinking of her put even more determination into Yoto's heart. If he did this, she'd be _so _impressed! He knew exactly how it would go…

_"Oh, Yoto!" Storkos folded her hands under her chin. "You're a hero! I can't believe you saved all of those people from the clutches of __two__ supervillains!"_

_"Oh, it's no biggie…" Yoto shined his fingernails on his shirt and feigned nonchalance, but he couldn't stop a grin from overtaking his face._

_ "Yes it is a biggie! I can't believe I never realized how awesome you were before!" Storkos placed her hands on Yoto's shoulders and smiled into his eyes. "I love you, Yoto!"_

Yoto searched the forest for a suitable stick as he cradled his fantasy in his mind. He finally found one and settled himself on the ground next to it.

"Okay, Yoto…" Yoto squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands into position over the stick. "Think sword. Sword. Sword…" He kept chanting that to himself as he waved his hands over the stick. He thought he might do it for a few moments, he felt the stick shudder with energy beneath his hands…and then it exploded in a fountain of colorful goop.

"Great!" Yoto slammed his fists into the ground, his rainbow shirt now sporting a bunch of new bright stains. "Good thing there's a _ton_ of sticks here, though!" He rose to his feet and searched for another one.

He tried tinkering another stick, then two, then three, then four…all of them exploded, each more violently than the last. Yoto flopped over onto the ground, just about ready to give up.

"Who am I kidding?" Yoto's voice was choked with sorrow. "I'm not a hero. I can't do this…in my whole entire life, I've only ever tinkered a bag of _chips,_ there's no way in hell I can tinker a _sword!"_

Yoto laid there on the ground for a good few minutes before a voice started nagging in his head.

_Come on, Yoto! It's not like you to give up so easily! Storkos would keep on trying until she got it right. Now stop being a stupid ass and follow her example!_

"You're right, creepy conscience!" Yoto sat up and scooted around on the jungle floor in search of another stick. "Storkos was there when I tinkered those chips…maybe if I think of her…"

Yoto found another stick right after he finished that statement. He closed his eyes and visualized Storkos, smiling in approval and cheering him on.

_"You can do it, Yoto! I believe in you!"_

Yoto felt a huge swell of energy burst from his palms, and then there was silence. He tentatively opened one eye and gasped joyfully.

Lying on the ground before him was an enormous silver sword with a gold hilt. He had actually _done it._ His second time tinkering something, and it had been something that's horribly difficult!

"I hope I can lift this!" Yoto reached for the sword and pulled it off the ground with only a bit of effort. Thank goodness.

Upon closer examination of the sword's hilt, Yoto gasped yet again. There was a carving of Storkos on it, with a lovely triumphant smile with her pigtails and cape blowing behind her.

"Well, I need to make sure _she_ never sees this…!" Yoto laughed to himself. "I don't know what you're doing right now, Storkos, but I'm doing this crazy thing for you…and the people in danger, but mostly you." He smiled right at the hilt carving, his cheeks turning red.

"Wish me luck…" he whispered before he took off towards the lair hidden behind the waterfall.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Right on schedule, everyone was starting to wake up from the effects of the gas. All of them stirred slowly awake, their brains and eyelids heavy with exhaustion. Gavin was the sole exception, his eyes cracked open suddenly and widened when he saw the horrific scene before him.

Patch, Arthur, Gavin, Eddie, and Hearos were all stuck in tall, claustrophobic glass tubes. There were three tubes on either side of an enormous, shaking machine, one empty, the rest full. The machine was dark red and covered with sloppily painted green patterns in an effort to make it look more intimidating. It was covered with many levers and buttons; most of them were merely decorative. It spouted clouds of dark steam from a single, misshapen exhaust chimney on top of it. In front of the tubes were Seedos, Beth, Yoko, and Patrice, each of them tied to a chair by their torso, hands, and ankles. All of the chairs were bolted to the floor to prevent any method of escape.

Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester stood close to the machine, both of them beaming victoriously. Vilos and Dastardos floated not too far away from them, both wearing an identical look of bewilderment. Neither of their bosses had told them what was going on, so they were wondering what would become of these poor fools.

"Oh, good, you're all awake!" Mistress Mayhem gushed once everyone had opened their eyes. "I'm _so_ happy all of you are here!"

"What is the _meaning_ of this?" Beth was the first to speak. She lashed forward, but all that did was cause the ropes to pull her back painfully.

"Well…" Professor Pester put his hands behind his back and paced about the room. "Mistress Mayhem and I need to beget an heir, and neither cloning nor marriage worked out well for either of us…" He walked by all of the tubes, making sure to smirk at each of the occupants. "So Mistress Mayhem and I decided that we would gather the town's best, brightest, strongest-"

"And sexiest!" Mistress Mayhem chimed in, leaning forward so much that her oversized breasts nearly popped out of her shirt.

"-and take their genetic material to create the _perfect _supervillain for us to bring up!" Professor Pester paused to let out an evil laugh before continuing. "This marvelous machine-" he knocked on the side of the whirring, metal behemoth that all of the tubes were attached to. "-will melt all of you down, mix all of your material together, and create our evil little baby!"

"Melt us down?" Hearos slammed a fist into the side of his tube, but he didn't even make a crack in it. "You're saying that we're going to-?"

"Die?" An enormous, sharp toothed grin crossed Mistress Mayhem's mask. _"Exactly."_


	10. Clutches

Upon hearing that particular piece of news, Patch wailed and his knees buckled. He smacked his head on the wall of the tube as he fell to the bottom.

"I'm too YOUNG to die!" Eddie sobbed and buried his face in his hands, his entire skinny body shaking violently.

Gavin gasped, but quickly regained his composure. If he could just find a weakness in the tube, he could smash his way out…

Hearos was much rougher than Gavin. He began rapidly punching, kicking, and slamming his head against the tube in a frantic attempt to break out. All of his efforts were in vain, and he collapsed shortly after he began, partially from exhaustion, but mostly from the fresh bumps on his head.

Arthur, still quite inebriated, turned his eyes to Vilos. He couldn't even guess what she was feeling. Her mouth was open slightly in surprise, but she didn't seem particularly upset that her closest (and only) friend was about to meet his doom.

Who was he kidding? She never even _cared_ about him…she just used him to get that ravenous little piñata of hers life sweets. She wouldn't do a single damn thing to save him…

That thought absolutely broke Arthur's heart. Vilos would never share the same feelings that he had for her…he was foolish to think otherwise. Arthur bowed his head and decided to accept his death.

"VILOS!" Mistress Mayhem barked. "Why aren't you in uniform?"

"I-I didn't think it would be necessary…" Vilos wilted like a neglected tulip under Mistress Mayhem's gaze.

"Go put it on NOW!" Mistress Mayhem stabbed her finger at a door. "And make it snappy!"  
>"Yes, Mistress!" Vilos nodded and flew off as quickly as possible.<p>

Professor Pester's eyebrows rose. Vilos was completely submissive to Mistress Mayhem's commands…she didn't even complain, or make a snide comment about Mistress Mayhem's weight! Perhaps those shovels were worth the money after all…

"Let my Hearos GO!" Yoko screamed, struggling like a Cherrapin on its back. The only thing her thrashing did was cause deep scratches to appear on her wrists. Ugh, if only her hands weren't bound, she could Tinker her way out of this one!

"If you murder my husband, I'll murder _you!"_ Beth's tone was filled with absolute revulsion and she glared daggers, spears, and harpoons at Mistress Mayhem.

Seedos and Patrice said nothing. The former was silently staring at Dastardos, and the latter was shuddering with tears rolling down her face.

"Hmph…" Mistress Mayhem pouted at the two protesting women. "Do you _really_ think I'd let these fine fellows go just because you demanded that it be so? And I did plan to let _you _keep your lives…granted, they _will_ be hollow and meaningless since you watched your loved ones die right before your eyes." She giggled her awful giggle and Yoko practically roared at her.

"Don't waste your energy, you two," Gavin's voice was calm, as always. "I'll be able to get out of here. You know me…" There was the slightest hint of fright at the edge of his tone, however. Not even his serious, stoic expression could disguise that.

"HAH!" Professor Pester grinned at Gavin. "Those tubes are _completely_ indestructible from the inside! There's no _way_ you'll be getting out!"

"I don't know about you, but Mistress Mayhem has a reputation of being…less than good at what she does," Gavin bit his lip and examined the glass around him carefully. "I'm _not_ going to give up…if I don't make it, though…" Gavin turned his attention to his wife, whose anger had melted away and was replaced with absolute devastation. "Beth, our time together was short, but it was the happiest time of my life." His words were simple, but honest, and his stoic front broke as he smiled warmly at Beth.

"Damn it, Gavin…you're…" Beth blinked away a tear and whipped her head toward the villains, her eyes blazing with anger. "You are going to _pay for this!"_

"Good luck with that, _sweetie,"_ Mistress Mayhem chortled and flipped her hair as she gloated. "Professor Pester and I plan on having the Ruffians untie you once we're far, _far_ away from all this!"

"Urgh…" Hearos stirred after a few moments, and shot straight up to his feet once he heard the sound of Yoko sobbing. "Yoko!"

Yoko responded by looking at him and whimpering.

"I love you _so_ much…I'm so sorry this happened…if I knew, I could have stopped them!" Hearos slammed a fist against the glass again.

"It's not your fault, Hearos…" Yoko swallowed, her eyes puffy and red.

"Remember me fondly, Yoko!" Hearos shed a single tear and rested a hand on his chest. "I failed in my heroic duties…I deserve this…" His confidence crumbled to pieces and he slid down to the bottom of the tube.

Seedos had been staring at Dastardos from the very moment he woke up. Dastardos had tried to ignore him to the best of his ability, but having saucer-sized eyes on him for more than four minutes really started to grate on his nerves.

Dastardos' good eye snapped over to meet Seedos' gaze and he quickly mouthed "WHAT?"

Seedos said nothing; he just lowered his eyes into a squint. Dastardos had a good guess as to what that meant.

_"Why are you just __floating__ there? Are you __really__ going to let all of these people die?"_

Dastardos glanced over at the tubes. He was _never_ fond of Patch, he thought Eddie was a pompous waste of space, Arthur was annoying and pushy, and he didn't know the first thing about Hearos or Gavin.

He looked back at Seedos and narrowed his eyes at him, as if to say: _"__You're__ not in any danger, so shut up."_

Seedos sighed quietly and closed his eyes. So much for his budding friendships with Patch and Eddie…fate must not want anyone to like him.

"Th-this is all _your_ fault!" Patch spun in his tube and did his best to glare at Dastardos, even if they could barely see each other from where they were. "I _knew_ this was a trap! You brought all of us here to _d-d-die!"_

Patrice gasped through her tears.

"Sadly," Professor Pester walked over to Dastardos and ruffled his hair. "My favorite little minion had _nothing_ to do with this! He didn't even know what I had planned!" Professor Pester snickered and placed his hands on his hips. "The silly kid thought that I was planning on killing _him!_ Can you imagine? He must have brought all of you here to rebel against me!" Professor Pester laughed at the very thought of his subordinate challenging him.

"O-oh…" Patch turned bright red. Well, it was somewhat comforting that Dastardos didn't _intend_ to see him die…but this situation was so insane Patch would take any ounce of comfort he could get.

"So you brought us here for your own _selfish reasons?"_ Eddie was done wallowing in self-pity. Now he was _mad._ "I can't _believe_ you! We're all going to die just because you wanted to save your own ass! ARGH!"

"Hey!" Dastardos snapped back. "You're the idiot who followed me here! You could have turned away, you know. This is as much your fault as it is mine!"

Eddie banged his head against the wall of the tube. Twice, to make sure it hurt. How could have been so _stupid_ as to trust a villain? Curiosity really _did_ kill the Kittyfloss…

"Sweetie pie…" Eddie heard Mistress Mayhem purr as she slunk up to the side of his tube. "I'm willing to spare you your life…"

"What?" Eddie raised his head, his eyes hopeful.

"WHAT!" Professor Pester blew up. "Mistress, that's _ridiculous!_ I thought you said it was important that-"

Mistress Mayhem held up a hand to silence the Professor. "IF, and only IF…" she leered at Eddie and placed a hand against the glass. "You agree to_ marry_ me and stay by my side forever."

Eddie was positively shocked. He would have staggered several steps backwards if he wasn't confined.

"Think about it, sugar…" Mistress Mayhem smiled at him. She was trying to look kind and sympathetic, but Eddie saw the unmistakable hunger behind that look. "The handsome trophy husband of a villainess! Sounds glamorous, does it not? I'd make _sure_ to take care of you and hold you above_ all_ of my minions, as long as you do me the occasional…" Her smile curled into something much more mischievous and she licked her lips. "…favor."

Everyone in the room looked at Eddie expectantly. The people who knew him better expected him to immediately shout _"NO!"_ but he went very, very quiet and cast his eyes on the floor.

"E-Eddie…" Patrice was actually the one to break the silence, her voice soft and shaky. "You aren't r-r-really considering…!"

"SILENCE!" Mistress Mayhem boomed and Patrice shrunk down as much as the ropes would allow, her eyes watering.

Despite everyone else's obvious objections, Eddie _was_ considering Mistress Mayhem's offer. He was seventeen, almost eighteen, to have his life cut short would be the most _awful_ thing that could happen to him! Especially if it was to create a new supervillain; that was _not_ where Eddie wanted his genetics to go! If he married her, sure, he might be miserable, but he'd be _alive._ And he couldn't see the future, maybe he would be rescued…

It was a ray of hope and a way for him to preserve himself. He couldn't help it.

"Yes…" The word was barely a breath. "Yes." Eddie said again, louder this time, raising his head to make eye contact with Mistress Mayhem. "I will marry you if you let me live."

"WOW, I can't believe that _worked!"_ Mistress Mayhem laughed triumphantly and flounced over to the machine's console.

"Hey, at least you have experience in marrying villains, Eddie!" Dastardos chortled and earned himself a seething glare from Professor Pester.

_People are about to die, and he's still making jokes…_ Seedos couldn't help shaking his head. Even back before he changed, Dastardos could find a streak of humor in even the most terrible situations. Seedos never expected him to go _this_ far, though…

Patrice bowed her head. The only man who ever expressed interest in her was going to spend the rest of his life in a villain's clutches. That was just her luck…

"Put your arms by your sides, dear!" Mistress Mayhem sang to Eddie as she pressed a few buttons. The tube around Eddie promptly got sucked right into the ground, completely freeing him from its claustrophobic confines. He stumbled in his shock, but Mistress Mayhem was at his side in mere moments to catch him.

"Don't worry, darling," Mistress Mayhem held him close, one hand resting on his back and the other on his butt. "I'll take _very_ good care of you…"

Eddie shook as he rested his head against Mistress Mayhem's chest. He hoped this was the right choice…

Everyone expected Eddie to make a run for it, but he never did. Mistress Mayhem expected him to try and get away too, so she kept a tight hold on him. Eddie had gone completely silent and refused to make eye contact with anyone. He didn't want to face their judging glances. He couldn't decide if he was a coward for wanted to preserve his life, or stupidly brave for clinging to his one hope of survival. Could he possibly be both…?

"Oh, where on Earth is Vilos?" Mistress Mayhem pulled the catatonic Eddie even closer and his face was swallowed up by her gargantuan breasts. "I need to tell her the big news!"

"Mistress!" Professor Pester exclaimed. "Isn't it more important that we-"

"DAMN IT, VILOS!" Mistress Mayhem shouted, completely ignoring the protests of Pester. "Get out here RIGHT NOW! How long could it possibly take to put on a _uniform?"_

Vilos had hoped in vain that Mistress Mayhem would forget about her. She should have known better. She sighed, opened the door, and revealed herself. "What do you need, Mistress?"

Dastardos burst into full-on, body-shaking laughter and nearly fell over. If he had a properly working excretory system, he probably would have pissed himself.

Pester let out a long, low whistle and immediately wished that _he_ was the one who had Vilos under his complete control.

Patch gasped at the sight of Vilos and felt his heart suddenly speed up tenfold. If he was about to die, maybe things wouldn't be so bad if he could die looking at the woman he fell for at first sight…

Arthur couldn't help raising his eyebrows. That was the _last_ thing he ever expected someone like Vilos to wear…he briefly thought that it looked good on her, and then mentally slapped himself. He _hated_ her now; he couldn't admire her appearance!

"O-oh…" Patrice blinked at Vilos through her tears. If she had been feeling particularly sadistic that day, she would have smirked at seeing her archenemy in a getup like _that._

Vilos crossed her arms over her chest and her face rapidly began to heat up. Mistress Mayhem and the Ruffians were the only ones who ever saw her wear this humiliating thing, and she really didn't appreciate having an audience this time around.

It was a maid uniform, complete with a headband, a lacy apron, a knee-length fluffy skirt, puffy sleeves, and fishnet stockings.

Vilos' embarrassment turned to revulsion as Mistress Mayhem proudly displayed and bragged about her future trophy husband, who she still kept a thick arm around. Eddie was still speechless and his skin was white as Pololly Bear paper.

"That's…nice…" Vilos' expression twisted with disgust and Mistress Mayhem glared at her with the fiery intensity of a thousand Redhotts. "Er…I mean…" Vilos folded her hands under her chin and stuck one of her legs up behind her. "I'm _soooo_ happy for you, Mistress~! I knew a guy would come to his senses and see what a catch you are eventually!"

Vilos was a very, very good actress. Her sudden shift to bubbliness stunned everyone in the room.

_"That's_ my good girl," Mistress Mayhem patted Vilos' head with her free hand. "I hope you're not _too_ jealous, I can't see _you_ finding love!" Mistress Mayhem cackled before planting a kiss onto Eddie's cheek.

"A-a-actually…" Patch's stuttery speech echoed from inside his tube as he fiddled with his gloved hands. "Vilos…"

Vilos whirled to face him in a swirl of fluffy skirts. "…what do _you _want?" She squinted at him, her former bubbly demeanor completely gone.

"B-before I d-d-die…" Patch's face began to flush red. "I want you to know that…that I-I've been thinking about y-you nonstop these p-p-past few days…and…" Patch took a deep breath. "I _love_ you, Vilos!"

"What," was Vilos' only reply as her brow flew upwards.

"Wh-wh-WHAT?" Patrice spluttered.

"WHAT." Mistress Mayhem tightened her grip on Eddie and couldn't decide whether to glare at Patch or Vilos.

"_WHAT?"_ Dastardos shrieked and looked at Patch with his jaw practically on the floor. Patch confessing his love for Vilos was one genital swap away from Patch confessing his love for _Dastardos._

"Ugh…" was all Arthur had to say on that matter. He was too far gone into his own misery to even care at this point.

"J-just wanted you to know…" Patch blushed a deep dark red, but he didn't dare to take his eyes of Vilos despite his embarrassment. He felt slightly better about the "dying" thing when he was looking at her. Slightly.

Vilos buried her mask into her palms. "I met you _once…_" Vilos' muffled voice said. "And I _knocked you out."_

"O-oh yes…you certainly did…" Patch's lovesick smile changed into a frown. Huh, he thought that would go better. Anguished declarations of love in the face of certain death always went well in the movies…oh well, at least he would die with that off his chest. He sighed softly.

"Vilos is off the market, young man," Mistress Mayhem chided with a disgusted look towards Vilos.

"Enough of all these foolishfeelings and excessiveemotions!" Professor Pester waved his arms like he was signaling a rescue aircraft. "Can't we just get this over with?"

"For once, I agree with you, Professor," Dastardos grumbled and earned himself another scornful look from Seedos.

"In one moment!" Mistress Mayhem smirked. "Vilos, darling, I need a victory drink. You know what I like." Mistress Mayhem reached her arm around Eddie to clap her hands thrice, loudly and swiftly. Eddie flinched with each clap.

"Okay…" Vilos came up from her hands and looked at her boss. "Okay, fine. Coming right up." She turned to head towards the other room and Arthur felt something in his chest snap. He was so sick of her eyes passing over him like he wasn't even there, not even seeing a trace of sorrow for his imminent death in her expression. She had just been stringing him along this whole time; she would never even _care_ about him as a person. He was just the one person rich and stupid enough to feed her ravenous vampire of a Macaraccoon.

"Vilos!" Arthur's voice cut through the silence and was so firm and sharp that Vilos actually whipped around to face him. He glared at her, glared at her with all of the ire and _hatred_ he felt towards her at that moment, that cold, manipulative _bitch._ "I hope all of those sweets were worth it to yew!" He spat the last statement, not even caring that Mistress Mayhem was standing right there, not even caring that plenty of other people from town were present and that his secret would be compromised. He was going to die, broken hearted, and become a part of one of Mistress Mayhem's latest sick, twisted creation. He had every _right_ to be angry.

Arthur saw a flash of _something_ on Vilos' face, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. If she was affected by his statement at all, she was very good at hiding it. Arthur wished she would yell at him, scream at him, demand that Mistress Mayhem open the tube so she could pound him into paste _herself,_ if only because he would have the satisfaction of making Vilos break her cold front. But there was barely a twitch in her expression. Great, now he would die a _failure_ as well as an idiot.

"Dastardos," Vilos looked away from Arthur and settled her glowing eyes on her fellow piñata reaper. "Can you come with me?"

"Can I?" Dastardos glanced at Pester quizzically.

"Can he?" Pester looked at Mistress Mayhem, his head tilted slightly.

"Fine," Mistress Mayhem waved Dastardos off. "You better not slow her down!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Dastardos smirked at Mistress Mayhem before flying to Vilos' side. Both of them promptly disappeared into the other room.

Arthur hated Dastardos as much as he hated Vilos. They were spending an awful amount of time together lately…sure, Dastardos was Vilos from another universe, but Arthur couldn't help but be envious of the fact that Vilos never kicked Dastardos out of her house within minutes like she always did with him.

If he was in love with her, or vice versa, Arthur prayed that one of them got their heart stomped into the dust. They deserved it. They barely felt physical pain; he could only imagine the traumatic ache that _emotional_ pain would cause them. He allowed himself to smirk. If there was some form of afterlife, he hoped he could watch Vilos get her heart broken from it. He would be able to rest easy if he witnessed that.

Little did Arthur know, though, his little comment about sweets gave Vilos an idea…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yoto had managed to infiltrate the base. Sure, he was soaked to the bone after sneaking through the waterfall, but he had made it! He could ignore his moist discomfort for the time being.

He didn't have too much issue walking through the long, long hallway, either. He expected heavy guarding, several Ruffians that would all swarm him at once, turrets lining the walls, an army of robotic clones, an army of robotic Dragonaches, an alarm that would cause the hall to fill with lava, a sour Smelba the size of Egg Mountain…but none of those happened.

_The Ruffians must be on lunch break…_ Yoto pondered as he walked. How long was this goddamn hallway? _Do Ruffians eat? Hmm…_

The hallway lacked the usual Piñata Island brightness. It was made of gray stone and the only splashes of color were the many portraits of the evil lair's owner that lined the walls. Most of them were Mistress Mayhem smirking or posing, but there was the occasional…odder one.

No one who owned naked portraits of themselves could be sane. Yoto gulped and tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. He liked his girls big, but this lady was _really_ pushing it…

_Who made these for her?_ Yoto's brow knit in concern. _I feel SUPER bad for them. Unless she made them herself…_

Yoto figured it would be best not to read into it too much. He got momentarily distracted when he actually _did_ run into a Ruffian right in front of an enormous doorway. The Ruffian had an enormous, curly green ponytail tied back with a red and black bow, and a ruffly pink skirt beneath her mask/head. She didn't even try to attack Yoto; she just looked at him like a Doenut in headlights.

"Um, prepare to die?" Yoto lifted his sword and the Ruffian shrieked and ran off down the miles and miles of hallway, but not before wetting herself.

"Great," Yoto huffed and crouched down by the door, doing his best to ignore the puddle of Ruffian piss. He pressed his ear against the door and heard Mistress Mayhem monologueing gleefully.

_"Oh, Eddiekins, we're going to be __so__ happy together!" Mistress Mayhem cooed, her husky voice so sickly-sweet that it sounded terribly wrong. "I know you'll be an __amazing__ husband, with a body like that, you could treat __any__ woman right, couldn't you?"_

_ There was a soft, shaky, brief reply that Yoto couldn't quite make out, and then Mistress Mayhem burst into her scratchy giggles._

_ "You are going to make me VOMIT!" Professor Pester exclaimed._

_ "Oh, you're just jealous~" Mistress Mayhem purred. "No one will ever love you because you're fat and bossy."_

_ "Urgh, that's ENOUGH! I won't NEED love once I have a superbly spiteful son to raise into the greatest supervillain of ALL TIME!" Professor Pester laughed._

_ "Once we have a superbly spiteful son," Mistress Mayhem corrected. "Aww, he's going to have three parents! Can't let Eddiekins here be a good influence, though!"_

Yoto gripped his sword so tightly that his knuckles whitened. He had _no idea_ what was going on in there, but he needed to come up with a diversion. Who knew how many people they could be holding hostage, and what was all this about a "son?" Yoto always thought that Dastardos was Pester's kid or something…guess he was wrong about that…not to mention he could only imagine what the villains had in store for their hostages. And that ugly, obese villainess was going to _marry_ Eddie? Yoto's stomach rolled with revulsion at the very thought of that. He wouldn't wish that fate on his worst enemy…and he could sometimes consider Eddie a contender for that position. Not to mention…

_"No one_ calls him Eddiekins…" Yoto growled under his breath. "No one except _me."_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"I have a plan," Vilos announced as soon as she shut the door behind her.

The adjoining room to Mistress Mayhem's control room was a surprisingly enormous kitchen. Not what Dastardos expected at all, especially since Pester didn't have one like this. What the heck did she do with this space when she wasn't using this lair? This was the _secondary_ lair, wasn't it?

"Hey, did you hear me?" Vilos loudly snapped her thin fingers in front of Dastardos' face. "Quit spacing out!"

"Sorry," Dastardos shook his head. Only he could get distracted by the existence of a kitchen while people in the other room were waiting for death. "What's your plan? And why do you need one?"

"I _can't_ let Mistress Mayhem do this," Vilos bit her lip. "That kid would grow up to do _terrible_ things…and I couldn't keep a clear conscience letting all of those people die when I have a way to stop it."

"Whoa, whoa, what's with the change of heart?" Dastardos' brows flew upwards. "I was all ready to watch Patch melt-wait a second…" Dastardos' eyes got really, really big. "Don't tell me you fell for Patch after that confession! That's _gross!"_

Vilos grabbed a large frying pan off of the stove and threw it at Dastardos like it was a ninja star. It flew right through him and clanged off the wall behind him, but he got the message.

"Okay, guess you didn't…I still have respect for you," Dastardos affirmed with a nod.

"I _can't_ let them die," Vilos said, her voice firm. "I can only _imagine_ what that kid would turn out like, and I _really _don't want to deal with him. I know Mistress Mayhem. She'd want to spend all of her time with that new boy toy of hers and leave the babysitting duties to _me,"_ Vilos smacked herself in the chest for emphasis.

"There's something else, isn't there?" Dastardos smirked at her. She glared at him with the white-hot intensity of the desert sun and reached for a butcher knife. Dastardos threw up his hands. "Okay, forget I said anything!"

"Smart," Vilos said simply as she drew her hand away from the knife.

She was lying through her teeth, of course. She _had_ to get Arthur out of that tube. After all he did for her; she'd have to have the coldest, iciest heart to just let him get turned into genetic goop without even _trying_ to save him.

"What's your plan?" Dastardos planted his hands on his hips. "Won't your boss beat you to a pulp if you so much as put your pinky toe out of line? How are you going to get away with this?"

"I'm going to be _subtle,_ that's how," Vilos smirked as she flew over to her discarded clothes in the corner of the room. "I _knew_ this would come in handy if I kept it around…!" She began rooting through the pockets of her pants, a look of determination on her face. She looked more like she was performing a lifesaving brain surgery instead of looking for something in her pants. "Ah-HA! Got it!" She held something bright pink high above her head like it was a trophy.

"Is that the romance sweet Maggie gave you?" Dastardos quickly hovered to Vilos' side. "What the hell do you plan on doing with _that?"_

"I'm going to dissolve it in Mistress Mayhem's drink," Vilos snickered. "She won't even know what hit her, and the effects will make her completely forget _all about_ what she was going to do! She'll be so distracted that we'll be able to smash open all of the tubes!" Vilos' snicker became a cackle and she instantly covered her mouth. Wouldn't want Mistress Mayhem to hear her laughing evilly…

"I'm going to just…" Dastardos shifted around a bit. "…hide in here until she sets her eyes on some other unfortunate guy that _isn't_ me."

"Suit yourself!" Vilos flung open a liquor cabinet and got to work. "I'm going to have to thank Maggie later…if Arthur lives through this, I'm going to actually _beg _him to get her a _feast!"_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"_There's_ my sweetest little minion!" Mistress Mayhem gushed as Vilos came floating out of the kitchen, an enormous, neon green drink in her hand.

Back when Vilos was making it, Dastardos had no clue what on Earth the drink had in it. Maybe he didn't _want_ to know…

"We'll be able to get started very, very soon!" Mistress Mayhem giggled and Professor Pester bounced with glee and clapped his hands together. "First things first, though…" Vilos handed Mistress Mayhem her drink and she grasped it in the hand that wasn't resting uncomfortably low on Eddie's stomach.

Vilos cast a brief glance at the men in the tubes, even if only Patch happened to be looking up at the moment, and gave them a quick, mischievous wink.

Patch promptly swooned and practically melted, completely misinterpreting Vilos' little hint.

Mistress Mayhem raised the drink to her lips, threw her head back, and downed the whole thing in one gulp.

The effect was instantaneous. As soon as Mistress Mayhem opened her eyes, she found herself looking at Professor Pester, who had his arms folded and was tapping his foot in impatience.

Mayhem had never noticed just how…studly he was! He looked so strong, so commanding, and those _tight pants!_ Not to mention she and he were very nearly one and the same, he'd know how to treat her right!

Mistress Mayhem shoved Eddie aside so hard that he went sailing into a wall with a loud _CRASH!_ and crumpled into a heap on the floor. She tossed her glass aside in another direction, and it shattered right under Vilos' floating feet.

"Oh, Professor!" Mistress Mayhem lunged forward in an attempt to tackle Pester, but he barely dodged at the last moment. "Why didn't I realize this before? We're so _perfect_ for each other! We could make our _own_ heir!"  
>"NO WAY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN!" Professor Pester attempted to evade Mistress Mayhem, but she chased after him as fast as she could.<p>

"Dastardos, GET OUT HERE!" Vilos called, her voice urgent. "I have no clue how long this will last!"


	11. Foolish Feelings and Excessive Emotions

Yoto heard the commotion from outside of the room and grinned an enormous grin. "THAT'S a diversion if I ever heard one! HERE I COME!" He kicked open the door and ran into the room, sword held high.

Both Mistress Mayhem and Professor Pester were far too distracted to even notice Yoto's entrance, but everyone else certainly did and jumped at the sound of the door hitting the wall. After spending one mere second taking in the scene before him, Yoto sprinted up to the tube that contained Hearos and crashed right through it with his sword. Hearos actually yelped with surprise; mainly since Yoto barely missed cutting _him_ in half and sliced off a good chunk of his cape.

"Hey, Ginger!" Dastardos flew over to Yoto and grabbed his arm before he could go sprinting to another tube. "It won't do you anyone any good if you slice these people to bits! Why don't you go untie those poor fools over there?" He pointed his thumb at Beth, Yoko, Patrice, and Seedos. "Vilos and I will take care of the tubes."

"Urgh, fine," Yoto tore his arm from Dastardos grasp and gave him a quick salute. He ran over to Seedos and began to saw through the ropes that bound him.

"Never thought I'd say this, but thanks for coming, Yoto," Seedos' voice was shaky despite the fact that he might be rescued. He still had no clue what would happen…or what on Earth came over Mistress Mayhem!

"No probs!" Yoto grinned as he tugged the ropes away from Seedos. "Make sure you tell your sister what an awesome hero I am!"

Dastardos completely shattered the tube that Gavin was trapped in with one quick hit from the Whacking Stick. Gavin barely flinched as the tube broke around him.

"Why on Earth would they make tubes that were only indestructible from the _inside?"_ He said, his brow furrowed ever-so-slightly in his confusion. "That's idiotic."

"Villains are weird like that, I would know," Dastardos folded his arms. "And you shouldn't be complaining, buddy." Gavin was lucky that Mistress Mayhem was far too busy attempting to do God-knows-what to Pester to hear his little "suggestion."

"Good point!" Gavin actually let a chuckle slip despite the situation before he ran to be reunited with his wife.

Vilos flew over to the other set of tubes, and Patch's eyes grew wide and glimmered with hope.

"Vilos, I KNEW you cared about me! You're a-actually c-c-coming to save me! Wow…" Patch sighed dreamily and rested his gloved hands against his cheeks.

Vilos completely ignored him and instead smashed the tube surrounding Arthur.

"O-oh…" Patch slumped down, his eyes brimming with tears. He knew it was too good to be true…

Arthur just looked at Vilos doubtfully with his mouth stretched into a thin line.

"…you're_ free, _don't just stand there like a stupid Sarsgorilla!" Vilos gestured next to her like she was displaying some kind of game show prize.

"Oh, so you're _saving_ me now?" Arthur pointedly looked away from Vilos. "I didn't think yew _cared."_

"…is now_ really_ the time or the place?" Vilos slammed a palm into her forehead. "You can reprimand me later. We have to put an end to this once and for all."

"…I agree," Arthur mumbled and carefully stepped out of the broken tube.

Yoto ran to Eddie's side once he had everyone untied. Eddie was still lying in a heap on the ground; he had suffered quite a few bruises and had the wind knocked out of him.

"You okay? I heard what that lady wanted to do to you…" Yoto rested his sword against the wall and offered Eddie his hand.

"It wasn't just _one_ thing…" Eddie grasped Yoto's hand and groaned as he was pulled to his feet. "Thank God you came when you did…I don't know what came over her, but if it didn't happen, who knows where I would be…" Eddie shuddered, not even looking over at Mistress Mayhem.

Yoto did look, and when he saw that she practically had Pester cornered, he gagged and promptly looked away.

"How did you get roped into that, anyway?" Yoto cocked a brow at Eddie and leaned over to pick up his sword. "Do I _want _to know?"

"I _don't_ want you to know," Eddie shuddered yet again.

That was the wrong thing to say. Yoto gasped, smirked, and was about to start canoodling Eddie to spill the beans when Patrice approached them.

"O-oh my G-G-God, Eddie!" Patrice sobbed and swept Eddie into a hug. He winced from the contact with his bruised body, but he was grateful to be in the arms of someone who wasn't an oversized supervillainess. "I'm _so_ happy you don't have to spend your life with that awful, awful woman!"

"Me too, Patrice…" Eddie sobbed a bit himself at what could have been and buried his face in Patrice's shoulder.

"Ooh…" Yoto backed up. "I'll leave you two alone, then." He scampered over in the general direction of Hearos and Yoko, but changed his mind when he saw that they were keenly making out. Yoto chose to rush to Seedos' side instead.

Dastardos floated over to the machine and leaned against it, his eyes on Patch and an unnervingly friendly smile on his face.

"Y-you're going to let me out, a-a-aren't you…?" Patch didn't like how Dastardos was looking at him…

"Hmm…" Dastardos stroked his chin with one hand and barely rested the tip of his index finger onto a large red button on the machine.

"DASTARDOS!" Patch exclaimed, his voice frantic. He pressed himself up against the glass and glared at Dastardos intently.

Dastardos was unaffected; he simply stuck out his lower lip in thought and looked back and forth between the button and Doc Patch several times. Patch's expression grew more and more desperate every time Dastardos' eyes swept over him.

"…okay," Dastardos drew his hand away from the button, flew over to Patch's tube, and smashed a great big hole in it.

Patch sobbed and lunged forward. He tore up his shirt and cut his stomach on the broken glass of the tube in the process, but he ignored his pain to pull Dastardos into a hug. "I th-thought you were r-really going to do it! You must have some good in you after all, then!"

Dastardos batted Patch away with The Whacking Stick. "_DON'T_ touch me. I hate you, but I don't want to _kill _you."

In response to Patch's hopeful expression, Dastardos added: "Not right now, anyway," and hit the tube once more. It broke fully and Patch stepped out as carefully as possible. The cuts on his stomach were already dribbling a fair amount of blood; the last thing he wanted to do was hurt his feet, too.

"Wh-what now? D-d-do we make a run for it?" Patch asked, hoping that was the answer.

"No," Dastardos shook his head. "I _need_ to learn if Pester has a way back home." Dastardos cracked his knuckles. "I'm sure Vilos has a plan."

"I'll gladly listen to any plan she has…" Patch's eyes glazed over and a lovesick smile overtook his face.

"I'll gladly pound you into cake-batter consistency if you so much as mention that you like her around me _ever_ again," Dastardos glared at Patch. "_I'm_ her, you know."

"Psh," Patch rolled his eyes. "You c-can't hold a c-c-candle to her looks."

Patch nursed a black eye as he walked with Dastardos towards the female reaper.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Get over here!" Vilos shouted to everyone at once and beckoned them over with a sweep of her arm. "We need to figure something out!"

Hearos and Yoko looked at each other as everyone else headed over to Vilos. That woman was their kidnapper's underling…could they really trust her?

"Hey, you two!" Vilos cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted at the uncertain couple. "That includes you!"

Hearos looked at Yoko quizzically and she shrugged. Guess there was only one way to find out whose side Vilos was on…

The two of them joined the misshapen circle that had formed around Vilos.

Meanwhile, Mistress Mayhem continued to chase Pester around the room, both of the villains too preoccupied to notice that their machine was broken and all of their prisoners were on the loose.

"What do you _mean_ you don't have a plan!" Dastardos hissed at her. Vilos sighed and flipped a hunk of her ridiculously long hair over her shoulder.

"Honestly, I didn't think we'd get this far…" she confessed and narrowed her eyes at Dastardos. "Why don't _you_ come up with something for once, smarty pants?"

"I just want to kick Pester's ass until he tells me where the way home is," Dastardos growled. "I've had enough of this universe and _everyone_ in it." That little remark earned him quite a few glares, but Dastardos didn't care.

"Sounds good to me," Seedos nodded sagely.

"Ooh, can I help?" Yoto held up his sword and grinned like a maniac at Dastardos.

"I think stabbing him would be a little…counterproductive," Vilos remarked. "It'd be hard for him to tell you how to get home if he was dead."

"Aww, that's right…damn it…" Yoto slumped. He had this amazingly cool sword and no one to stab with it!

Meanwhile, Pester's focus finally broke away from Mistress Mayhem's chase when he noticed that all of their hostages had escaped. He gasped hugely and skidded to a stop, and Mistress Mayhem tackled him.

"STOP!" Pester exclaimed as he tried to escape Mistress Mayhem's grasp to no avail. "You have more important things to worry about than copulating with your clone!"

"Oh, really?" Mistress Mayhem smirked as she settled herself on Pester's thighs. "Like what?"

"Our _hostages got out!"_ Pester practically shrieked. "They're just standing around over there! Quit chasing me and _do something!"_

"WHAT?" Mistress Mayhem rose to her feet, much to Pester's immense relief. "Which one of you _bastards_ broke our marvelous machine?" She began walking slowly towards the group, her expression menacing. The sound of her high heels clicking against the floor was like a ticking time bomb.

Pester smirked to himself. This would be fun to watch…

All of the former hostages gave each other nervous glances, apart from Dastardos, who piped up: "It was kind of a joint effort."

Mistress Mayhem ignored Dastardos, but her stride increased to a brisk stomp. She walked right up to Arthur and stabbed a finger into his chest. Everyone else took a few steps back to get away from the intimidating woman, but Arthur stood his ground, his expression blank.

"It was _you_, wasn't it?" Mistress Mayhem hissed through clenched teeth. "I could see you trying to play the hero, trying to win the hearts of all these pretty little girls…" Mistress Mayhem looked over at Vilos and wrinkled her nose. "…and maybe even that old biddy!" She gave Beth a brief glance of disgust.

Beth growled, clenched her fists, and took two angry steps forward, but Gavin placed a firm hand on her shoulder to stop her.

Mistress Mayhem was starting to get a bit aggravated with Arthur's silence, so she grabbed him by his shoulders, shook him, leaned in awfully close to his unchanging face, and whispered: "We could use someone with your insolence…we should Sour you! You'd be one hell of a-_GAAAAH!"_

Mistress Mayhem staggered backwards and fell to the floor, her hand cupped over her left breast and her mask twisted with pain. Disgustingly-colored, viscous blood dripped between her fingers and splattered onto the floor.

"What did you _do?"_ Pester shrieked and crushed his graduation cap in his hands. Sure, this woman had been chasing him with ill intentions mere moments before, but seeing someone with so powerful a presence reduced to her knees…? That was SCARY!

Arthur said nothing, he just smiled over his shoulder at Yoko and mouthed _"thank yew."_

Dastardos noticed Pester's current state of shock, and whipped to face Gavin and barked: "HEY, BIG GUY! Restrain him!" with a wild gesture towards Pester.

Gavin's reaction was instantaneous and he was practically a blur as he streaked across the room and hiked his arms under Pester's armpits. Pester's brain didn't even process what was going on until Dastardos floated right up to his face.

"Where the hell is it, _Pester?"_ Dastardos spat his boss's name and Pester flinched when flecks of saliva landed on his nose.

"Say it, don't spray it, _Dastardos,"_ Pester spat right back. "Where the hell is _what?"_

"The way back home! I _know_ you made one!" Dastardos clenched his free fist and his weapon of choice appeared in his other hand.

"Who says I did?" Pester sounded cocky despite his helpless position. "And why should I tell _you,_ after you ruined my plan?"

"I won't break your face," Dastardos said nonchalantly as he examined The Whacking Stick.

"You wouldn't _dare,"_ Pester tried to wrench himself out of Gavin's grip, but Gavin held fast. Damn, he was strong!

There was a loud _CRACK!_ as Dastardos smacked Pester right in the forehead of his mask. The crack that Mistress Mayhem had made earlier grew bigger and spread almost all the way across both sides of Pester's mask.

"How about now?" Dastardos asked with mock innocence and Pester's face heated up.

"God damn it, Dastardos, you will _pay_ for your insubordination!" Professor Pester growled.

"Can I pay when we're home?" Dastardos was starting to get frustrated.

"I'm _not_ leaving here without a proper clone!" Pester protested and began to struggle again. "You are to stay here with me until the machine is completed again, and then we'll-"

Dastardos' staff connected with Pester's mask again, and this time the mask split like an egg and fell to the ground.

"AGH!" Pester exclaimed and he instantly stopped jerking around. This was the first time in _ages_ his mask had come off his face…he felt completely naked, even more violated than when Mistress Mayhem was sitting on him.

"Ugh…" Gavin's brow crinkled in disgust.

"Oh…!" Dastardos' crooked eyes widened and he brought The Whacking Stick back down to his side. Angry as he was, this was the first time he had ever seen Pester's face, so his one-track mind had screeched to a halt to take in the revolting sight before him.

The first thing Dastardos noticed was that Pester's nose was _enormous._ It was large, wide, hooked, and bleeding from the flared nostrils from Dastardos' barrage of beatings. Pester had the textbook 'villain' nose. Somewhere in his subconscious, Dastardos felt like he expected that one. Pester's lips were dry, chapped, and fishlike, and his eyes were the same pupilless acid green that they appeared to be through the mask. He had extremely thin, dark hair that was barely even an inch thick.

What a stupid face. That face was ten times more detestable than the mask. Dastardos wanted to smash it into an unrecognizable bloody pulp, but he couldn't do that. Not until he knew where the way home was.

Dastardos raised The Whacking Stick threateningly and Pester shouted "NO! WAIT!" Pester bowed his uncovered head. "If I tell you where it is, you'll let me go, right?"

"Finally, some results," Dastardos didn't lower the stick a single inch, though. _"Where is it?"_

"It's another gun," Pester licked his dry lips, his voice actually shaking. Like Dastardos, he wasn't the biggest fan of pain. "It's in one of the drawers under Mistress Mayhem's computer desk! Now _let me go!"_

"Hmm," Dastardos couldn't help grinning his twisted grin. "You like guns, huh? You have some deeply hidden desire to shoot yourself?" Dastardos wouldn't mind that at all.

"NO!" Pester exclaimed. "Guns are illegal on Piñata Island…and they're cool." He admitted the last part quietly.

"Of _course_ they are…" Dastardos clicked his tongue and turned to face Seedos. "Hey, kiddo, check those drawers!" Dastardos pointed where Pester had directed him and Seedos gave him a firm salute before rushing over to check.

After riffling around for a moment, Seedos retrieved the gun and waved it in the air. "He wasn't lying for once!" Seedos laughed triumphantly.

"Good, you actually had some sense, Pester," Dastardos smirked at his boss. "I _guess_ I can let-"

"HOLD UP!" Hearos boomed as he flew over to Dastardos' side. "You are _not_ letting him go! Not yet!"

Dastardos moved over to give Hearos some room and Hearos leaned in obnoxiously close to Pester's uncovered face.

"I'm _not_ letting you stay conscious until we're all out of here. I don't know the first thing about you, but if you were conspiring with Mistress Mayhem, you _can't_ be good! Besides…" Hearos cracked his knuckles and his scowl intensified. "No one ties up _my_ girlfriend and gets away with it! Hold 'em steady, Gavin!"

Pester's scream as Hearos landed the first punch could have been heard all the way on the other side of the Island.

Meanwhile, Mistress Mayhem had dragged herself over to the wall and had her back against it as she moaned, wallowing in her own pain.

Vilos finally noticed the handle sticking out of Mistress Mayhem's chest and she turned to gawk at Arthur.

"You _stabbed_ her? You actually _stabbed_ my boss?" Vilos sounded shocked, but there was a hint of delight in her tone. Arthur's ego would have swelled up like a gloating Lickatoad if he wasn't cross with her.

"It was in self-defense," Arthur asserted and folded his arms.

"I _knew_ you were no good!" Mistress Mayhem groaned from the ground. "VILOS! Punish him!"

Arthur took a step back, a look of surprise on his mask. He wasn't too big on the idea of being on the receiving end of one of Vilos' infamous beatings. He was "lucky" enough to witness Vilos thrashing Patrice right in the middle of his garden. After all was said and done, Patrice was fully unconscious and that angelic face of hers…didn't look too angelic for a while. Vilos had actually pulled out a good chunk of the poor woman's hair, to boot. Arthur found himself placing a hand around his ponytail protectively.

"I…" Vilos started floating off towards a corner of the room, her maid skirt swirling around her slender legs as she floated along. "I have a better idea."

"Urgh…where are you going?" Mistress Mayhem rolled her woozy head around her neck once before she managed to make it face Vilos. She set her eyes on her just in time to see her bend to pick up the Vilos Shovel.

"Good, that should do some damage…" Mistress Mayhem brought her hand to the knife handle again, even if she was far too scared to pull it out. "That's my girl. Momma's proud…" Arthur felt his stomach turn when Mistress Mayhem burst into a sickening smile. Only someone as warped as her could smirk like that when she was covered in her own blood.

"Yes, it _should_ do some damage…" Vilos chuckled to herself as she floated back over. Arthur was tempted to make a run for it; he wasn't in the mood to have his head bashed in, but he couldn't help drawing in a gasp of surprise when Vilos stopped in front of Mistress Mayhem. Vilos actually floated down so her feet touched the floor, looming over her collapsed boss despite her diminutive stature.

"What on Earth are you _doing?"_ Mistress Mayhem screeched, her acid green eyes blazing with fear and anger.

"Something I've wanted to do for a long, _long_ time," Vilos stated as the corners of her mouth lifted into a smirk.

Arthur couldn't help smiling when Vilos brought the shovel down over Mistress Mayhem's head.

He heard a drawn-out sigh next to him as Vilos continued to beat Mistress Mayhem down. Arthur turned to see Doc Patch with his one visible eye sparkling as much as a black eye could.

"Wh-what a woman! S-standing up to her b-b-boss like that!" Patch's voice was filled with admiration.

"Yeah," Arthur would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the show. "Wot a woman."

After a good few minutes, both Professor Pester and Mistress Mayhem were lying in heaps on the ground, completely unconscious. Mistress Mayhem was quite a sight to behold; Vilos hadn't held back at all and had practically destroyed her mask and the face beneath it.

"When she wakes up, there's going to be hell to pay…" Vilos gripped the shovel in her hands much tighter. "I got caught up in the moment…ugh, I should have thought of what she's going to do when she wakes up! She's going to _kill_ me. This is it…"

"Y-you can come back to my universe with me!" Patch offered much too eagerly.

"Um, no…" Vilos didn't even dignify Patch with a glance. "That's all right."

"I have a _much_ better idea…" Dastardos floated over to Vilos and held out his hands. "Give me that shovel. I'm going to get rid of it. Something tells me your boss wouldn't want to spend a fortune on another shovel, especially since she wasted all of her money on that machine." Dastardos thumbed in the machine's direction.

"Only the tubes are broken," Vilos griped and slouched over. "That's not wasted money; she might try this shit again."

Dastardos quickly flew over to the machine, pulled out the Whacking Stick, and went to town on it. Once it was practically a pile of dented scrap metal, he returned to Vilos and offered her his hands again.

"_That's_ a good amount of Chocolate Coins down the drain, I think," Dastardos smirked.

"You're the best," Vilos admitted with a smirk as she handed Dastardos the shovel. Patch felt a twinge of jealousy spark in his stomach.

"I'll throw it into the volcano…when I get home," Dastardos smirked and rested the shovel over his shoulder. "Speaking of home, who wants to get out of here? I know I do!" Dastardos retrieved the transportation gun from where Seedos had left it lying on a table.

"I do! I do!" Seedos and Yoto chorused as they ran over to Dastardos. Dastardos had never seen two people more eager to be shot in his life.

"Have a safe trip!" Yoko waved at them as they ran off. "Well, as safe as a villainous device can give, anyway!"

"Thanks for showing up when you did…Yoto, was it?" Hearos grinned at him. "If you hadn't shown up, who _knows_ what could have happened!"

Yoto blushed profusely. If Hearos approved of his heroic actions…than Storkos certainly would! "Thanks, guys! And thanks for telling me I could make this sword, Yoko!" Yoto looked his sword up and down like it was a beautiful woman, his eyes lingering on the image of Storkos on the hilt for a good few seconds. "It was awesome meeting y'all! Hey, do you think-"

Yoto was cut off by Dastardos firing the portal gun at him and he promptly disappeared in a bright flash of light, sword and all.

"Sorry, he never knows when to shut up," Dastardos waved Yoko, Beth, Gavin, and Hearos off. "You guys can go home now. Sorry about the kidnapping shit. You know how villains are."

They all nodded and Yoko laughed goobaaishly before they all headed for the exit.

"So…you're leaving, then, Eddie?" Patrice sighed and rested her cheek against her hand. "J-just my luck…"

"You knew that from the beginning, Patrice…" Eddie's tone was delicate. He really, _really_ didn't want to make her cry. Sure, he did his best not to get too attached to her, but he really should have considered the fact that she probably would get attached to _him…_ "I have an important career at home, something I can't abandon. I have a garden that I'm proud of, too." Also a young lady he's crazy about and a wardrobe full of fantastic clothing, but Eddie figured it would be better not to tell Patrice about those.

"I…I can't leave either," Patrice's voice caught and Eddie's stomach tightened.

_Oh, God, Patrice, please don't cry._

"Lots of people here…they count on me to help them. I'm sure a lot of people…um, rely on you as well," Patrice offered Eddie a wan smile. "We only knew each other for a couple days…and you're much younger than me, but…no man was ever so kind to me."

"Patrice, you're _beautiful,"_ Eddie gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure you'll find someone, maybe someone even kinder than I am. You're quite the catch!"

Sure, Patrice would need to build up her confidence, but Eddie felt like his brief time with her might have helped her, even a little bit. Even with her eyes obscured by her bangs, Eddie could tell that she was beaming.

Patrice briefly removed her monkey helmet, threw her arms around Eddie, and gave him a sweet, lingering kiss.

"It…it…was v-v-very nice knowing you…" Patrice's entire face had erupted into a blush which Eddie could plainly see as she fixed her pink mask back into place. "Consider that a…um…a p-parting gift."

"Wow…um…" Eddie wasn't sure what to say, but his cheeks pinkened and he found himself saying: "Thank you, Patrice. I hope you have a happy life." He gave her one last lingering look before turning and heading towards his way home.

Patrice briefly brushed her fingers over her lips, smiling to herself.

She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but that had been her first kiss.

Eddie felt eyes on him and turned to see that they belonged to Patch, who was crossing his arms and pursing his lips as he tried to figure out what sense to make of what he just saw.

"Oh, shush," Eddie walked over to Patch and tugged onto his shirt sleeve. "She's a completely separate person than you are. Let's go home."

"W-wait! I need to…" Patch looked around the room frantically for Vilos, but both she and Arthur had disappeared. Patch slumped in mournful disappointment and dragged his feet as he let Eddie lead him over to Dastardos, who had already sent both Yoto and Seedos home.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Vilos had dragged Arthur by the hem of his pants into the kitchen, saying absolutely nothing while she did it.

"Wot do yew _want?"_ Arthur gritted his teeth as Vilos kicked the door shut behind them.

"I need to talk to you, you moron," Vilos huffed and finally released her grip on Arthur. "What the hell was _with_ you earlier? I _saved_ your ass and you were acting all pissy about it!"

"Pfft!" Arthur couldn't _believe_ her. "I know very well that yew only saved me so yew can keep on using me to feed that little vampire of yours. Yew didn't even look the _slightest_ bit upset when yew 'eard that _I_ might die. All yew care about is stupid little _Maggie."_ Arthur spat the piñata's name. "Yew don't give a single care about _me._ Just my money. Wot was I thinking, falling for a villainess? I'm so stu-wot are yew _doing?"_

When Arthur was in the midst of his soliloquy, Vilos had lifted up his mask and was looking at his face intently. She had expected Arthur to be handsome, but she never had a clear picture. His features were chiseled and attractive, but his nose was a little too big to be considered "perfect." Vilos didn't care; she felt something stir inside of her when she looked at Arthur's uncovered features. She never expected to unmask any men in her lifetime…

"I can't talk to you about this mask-to-mask," Vilos lifted up her own mask and left it resting askew on her forehead. "It _has_ to be face-to-face…and also, you need to shut up for a minute."

The sight of Vilos' uncovered face was more than enough to make Arthur shut up. Showing one's face was intimate, private, something that someone who hated him would _never_ do…he felt his stomach tie up into knots. Vilos was a twisted kind of beautiful; the scars and distortions from her Souring process gave her features a unique appearance. She was lucky to have kept her former looks; from what Arthur managed to see of Mistress Mayhem's face beneath the layer of blood, Vilos' boss hadn't been quite as fortunate.

Arthur's shock shot through the roof when Vilos floated closer to him, draped her arms across his shoulders, and kissed him.

Vilos had never kissed _anyone_ before, not even back when she was Stellos. She wasn't quite sure what to do and she wound up biting Arthur's lip too hard. She tasted a bit of blood, but Arthur didn't seem to care. He dipped Vilos down and deepened the kiss.

As Vilos' long hair began to dance around Arthur , a red-masked head stuck through the kitchen door and a distinctly creepy voice called into the room:

"Hey, Vee, before I go, I'm going to go get Mag-" Dastardos started to explain, but once he took in the sight before him, he made a face and retreated right back through the door. Guess he'd be disappearing from this universe without a trace…no big deal.

Neither Arthur nor Vilos noticed him. They finally broke apart and Arthur gazed into Vilos' glowing eyes, his mouth agape.

"W-wot was _th-that_ for?" Arthur spluttered.

"Don't stutter, you sound like Patrice, and she's the _last_ person I want to make out with," Vilos smoothed her blood-stained maid dress. She was quite a sight to behold in it; if Arthur didn't know her better, he'd mistake her for a psychopath who got her kicks from some _really_ twisted misadventures. "I _was_ worried, you _moron._ I didn't want Mistress Mayhem to find out. When I thought that you were going to die, I just…" Vilos actually sounded choked up for a moment, but she quickly regained her cool. "No one ever wanted to help me, Arthur…I don't know too much about this stuff, but…" Vilos offered him the most honest smile she had ever given anyone in a while.

"I think I'm starting to see you as _much_ more than my Life Candy slave," she confessed. "I wouldn't want to lose you. You're the only person in town who actually talks to me without running for the hills and screaming at the top of their lungs."

"Vilos…" Arthur raised his hand and cupped Vilos' bare cheek with it. "Don't worry. No matter wot 'appens, I'll make _sure_ you're safe."

Vilos rested her own hand over Arthur's. "You're…going to have your work cut out for you, what with Mistress Mayhem and all of those gardeners that want my head…" She let a smirk slip through. "I think I'll owe you one…or twelve."

"I'm still not sure how yew did, but…yew saved my life, Vi," Arthur bent down to Vilos' level and gave her another quick kiss. "I think we're perfectly even."


	12. Epilogue

"Magnar," Dastardos was starting to sound aggravated. "Come on, this isn't funny. We _need_ to go."

Dastardos had returned to Vilos' house to find Magnar and Maggie intertwined in the fluffiest little embrace. He actually felt a brief twinge in his heart when he saw how close they had become. Could he tear Magnar away from such a good friend…?

Hell yeah he could! He had enough of this insane place, and Magnar was coming home, whether he liked it or not!

"_No,_ Stardos!" Magnar pouted.

"Yeah!" Maggie stomped one of her little stumpy feet. "Magnar's staying with _me,_ and we're going to Romance Dance and have babies!" Maggie nuzzled Magnar's head with her own.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, NO!" Dastardos practically flailed at that news, his eyes bulging. "NO!"

"But _why?"_ Magnar whined. "I've caught you watching documentaries on baby Macaraccoons on Pester's TV. Why wouldn't you want_ me_ to have one?"

Dastardos felt his face heat up a little. Thank God Magnar never got out; there was no doubt he'd sing all of Dastardos' secrets from the rooftops. "If you have a baby, that means Earos or whatever his name was needs to come here to deliver the egg, and that means everyone would know who Vilos was," Dastardos glared at the two frowning piñatas. "Probably would spark a lynch mob. Do you _want _to cause the death of your owner, Maggie?"

"N-no…" Maggie wrapped her tail around herself and looked at the ground.

"Why are you being such a _jerk,_ Stardos?" Magnar exclaimed, glaring daggers at his owner.

"Because I am _not_ leaving you here. Come on!" Dastardos bent down and scooped up Magnar. As he looked over the gun in his hand, Magnar looked down at Maggie.

Maggie had the saddest look in her eyes and she sniffled a bit.

"I'll try to come back, Maggie, I _promise,"_ Magnar nodded solemnly.

"I…I really hope you will!" Maggie's expression lit up, her eyes glimmering with hope.

"Nah, he won't come back," Dastardos stated before firing the gun at himself and Magnar.

The gun crashed to the floor and cracked all over after Dastardos vanished.

Vilos later discovered the gun and hid it behind a piece of rotting bark in her tree. The last thing she wanted was for it to fall into the wrong hands.

"I'm going to miss that bastard…" Vilos sighed as she smoothed a strand of hair that was floating a bit too high up.

"I'm not," Maggie pouted from where she sulked on the couch.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Upon stepping into the Village square, Seedos, Patch, Eddie, and Yoto were greeted by a joyous din. Much to Eddie's surprise, Sparcticus gallivanted right up to him and lifted him up into a gigantic hug.

"Sahari thought you _died!"_ Sparcticus' voice was joyful despite his morbid statement. "But I knew she was wrong!"

"No…I'm…in one piece…" Eddie grinned painfully. He was still very, very bruised, and tight hugs weren't exactly helping that matter. "Slightly traumatized, but in one piece…"

Sparcticus put Eddie down and gave him a quick once-over. Eddie's clothes were torn, his hair was wild, and a good portion of his body was decorated with bruises. "Wow, you're…actually a mess. What happened?" Sparcticus' brow wrinkled with concern.

"You're not going to believe it…" Eddie patted his friend on the shoulder. "…but I'll still tell you later."

"Oh, Patch, thank _God_ you're here!" Leafos rushed up to Patch and skidded to a halt right in front of him, her eyes full of hopeful joy.

Patch felt a small bit of happiness to know that he was missed…until Leafos' expression turned serious and she opened her mouth again.

"You have a _severe_ backlog of patients! Dastardos never showed up to reap them, so they've been lying around in pain for _days!"_ A tear escaped Leafos' eye as she thought of all of those poor piñatas, most of them Pretztails, being forced to moan in agony as they waited for a death that never came. "You better get to work _right_ away!" She grabbed Patch by his sleeve and began to lead him away. "Who _knows_ when Dastardos is coming back!"

"O-oh, he's b-b-back, all right…" Patch murmured as he shuffled as fast as he could to keep up with Leafos. His first few hours back, and he already knew that he had a _looooong_ day ahead of him.

"Seedos!" Storkos exclaimed a**s** she flew over to her brother. Yoto wasn't too far away, and his head snapped right towards that heroic voice.

"I'm _sooo_ glad you're all right, little bro!" Storkos leaned over and gave Seedos a great big kiss on the forehead of his mask. Seedos turned red all the way up to the tips of his ears and he waved Storkos away. He was happy to see her, but it was a bit emasculating to have your sister coo over you and give you a big forehead smooch in public.

"There were rumors flying around that Dastardos had chopped up and killed all of you! Where on Earth have you guys been! I've been worried _sick!"_ Storkos clutched her stomach with one hand for emphasis.

Yoto cleared his throat and sauntered over to Storkos and her sibling, his Alert System in hand. "I believe I can tell you _exactly_ where we were, ma'am," He winked at her. "Got a whole lot of photo evidence right here!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yoto recounted his tale that evening at Arfur's, constantly displaying the photos on his Alert System to the crowd to back up his words. Nearly the Village's entire population was seated at the various tables around the room, and Yoto weaved between them as he spoke.

"…and Patch thought that the lady version of Dastardos was a _knockout!_ Can you _imagine?"_ Yoto cackled and was soon joined by everyone else in the room. Patch slumped in his chair in the corner, his face beet red. He would have much rather been running around like a crazy person curing piñatas like he was earlier today than sitting here and taking embarrassment.

Yoto held up the photo in front of one table and one of the occupants let out a long, low whistle. "Bear don't blame Patch. Bear wouldn't mind tapping _that!"_ Bear licked his lips hungrily and Yoto scrunched up his nose.

"Bear would crush her pelvis," Yoto yanked the Alert System away from the burly redhead. "But enough about her. Wait until you hear what _I_ did…"

Yoto began to recount his tale of heroism, sneaking into Mistress Mayhem's lair with a sword he made with his very own Tinkering skills (Bart rolled his eyes pretty hard at that one), evading _hundreds_ of traps in her hallway, and rescuing everyone all by himself…

In response to a glare from Seedos, Yoto grudgingly added that Vilos and Dastardos might have helped a little too.

Much to Yoto's delight, Storkos seemed enthralled by his tale. She was leaning forward onto the table, her eyes sparkling with interest.

"Wait…_Dastardos_ helped you?" Leafos folded her arms tightly. "I have a hard time believing that!"

"No, it's true, Leafos! He saved all of us!" Seedos said as steadily as he could, trying his best to keep admiration from filling his voice.

"If it weren't for him and Yoto…" Eddie trailed off and slumped in his seat. He figured it would be better if he didn't share the fact that he was nearly a villainess' sex slave for life.

"E-even m-m-me!" Patch stood up and lifted up his shirt, revealing the cuts from the glass tube. "Th-these are from the t-tube he smashed open for m-m-me. I might not like him, b-b-but I think I owe him one…" Patch smoothed his shirt and his cheeks reddened. Dastardos might kill defenseless piñatas, but he really wasn't _all_ bad…

"Oh man, you should have SEEN what he did to Pester!" Yoto just had to grab the spotlight again. He leapt onto the bar counter, ignored Arfur's annoyed glare, and began waving his arms like he was signaling a rescue plane. "Smashed his mask right in two! And then the dude version of Storkos beat Pester to a _pulp!"_ Yoto planted his hands on his hips and beamed. "I think it's safe to say that we won't be seeing that fat jerk for a long, long time!"

That statement made the whole Inn burst into rousing applause. Yoto's ego swelled like a gloating Lickatoad and he leapt down from the counter with a grin.

"That's a load off _my_ mind!" Storkos sighed and rested her fingers against her mask's forehead. "Thanks for telling us about that, Yoto." She smiled warmly at him and Yoto's entire body flooded with giddiness.

"Do you have any more photos?" Sahari bounced in her chair. "This is so neato; I want to see all of them!"

"Sure do! I'll put them all up on Maskbook later, too!" Yoto whipped out his Alert System and grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Hey, Uncle Bart and Gretchen, you're never gonna believe _this…!"_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Three weeks and four days.

Pester had been gone for three weeks and four days.

Dastardos was on Cloud Nine. He couldn't remember the last time he was so content. He could sit around with Magnar on his lap, lost in his own thoughts, and not worry about his Alert System yanking him from his own mind. He was starting to think that Pester would _never_ return! Good thing, too, the last thing he wanted was to be "punished for his insubordination." God only knows what Pester would force him to do…he didn't want to get stuck cleaning the Ruffians' litter box.

In a fit of boredom, he decided to venture into Pester's lair. Ignoring the Ruffians begging him for food, Dastardos plunked himself down in the chair in front of Pester's enormous computer. He was always curious about why Pester spent so much time on this thing.

After clicking around, he discovered some things he expected. Evil plans, long rants in Word documents about why Jardiniero was talentless and smelly, and a folder marked "Galagoogoos."

Dastardos smirked to himself. Pester had a soft spot for Galagoogoos? He could use that as blackmail…

He double-clicked the folder. It certainly didn't contain any Galagoogoos…!

Dastardos actually screamed and closed the folder as quickly as he had opened it. It was largely thumbnailed security camera shots of almost everyone in town in various states of undress. And of _course_ Dastardos' eye had to settle on the picture of Doc Patchingo!

What did Pester _use_ this folder for…? Ugh, how _disgusting!_ Dastardos leaned forward to dry heave. Urgh, he couldn't wait to leave this lair and never come here again-

"Dastardos? You're in my chair…!" a disgustingly familiar voice scolded.

Dastardos inhaled sharply and didn't dare to turn around.

"Good thing I found you…" Dastardos heard lumbering footsteps and felt a meaty hand settle on his shoulder. "There are a few things I need to…talk with you about."

_The End_


End file.
